Jin
by Thibros
Summary: Last and final update made! Maybe the story from Spirited Away is real... Nobody believed Chihiro, all they did was a (great) movie... What has Chihiro been thinking the last two years?
1. Introduction

**Jin**

**Important: **  
Due to the limitations of this site, **Jin** is now featured also on my own homepage (go to my profile, and to the URL given there, or just type: "thibros.de" into your browser). You'll find it formatted, with working links and more notes than here. Even though **Jin** is now finished "as is", any possible future updates will only be done on my homepage, not here any more.

Notes of the Author

What happened to Chihiro after coming back, would she remember anything, would anyone believe her? Would she be able to survive in this world, today, in Reality? Would she have real friends? The two worlds are very different…

The internet is vast, and there is information about it.

There are more notes and the disclaimer in the last chapter, please read those too before reviewing. Thanks.

If you have not seen the movie, you will find some details difficult to understand, but all you really have to know is that 10 year old Chihiro was in a World of Spirits and came back. There are only minor spoilers involved.

Thibros (Markus Kallies)  
Helsinki, Finland

(former working titles: Computer chat log reveals Chihiro is real, Chihiro of the Two Worlds, Chihiro in Reality)

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Notes of the Translator

To those, that are not familiar with chatting: one form of chatting is called "instant messaging". Only two persons are involved, and a sentence that is written appears on the other screen after hitting "enter". Sometimes each single letter is transmitted instantly. Often it is indicated, whether the other one is currently writing a message or not, to prevent both parties talking at the same time. It is much like a real conversation, only slower.

Smilies (emoticons, like :-) :-( etc.) that sometimes appear in the text are originally exchanged with pictures. There are many different faces and variations. I don't have access to the pictures that were actually used, so I decided to drop them all. They were not used often.

I tried to keep the flow of the dialogs rather than making a too literal translation. Thus the Japanese ending "-ne" was translated as "right?", "I guess", "doesn't it" and other forms, sometimes it was even dropped. Similar rules apply in other situations.

On the other hand, sometimes it seemed better to keep the original phrasing, even if it sounds strange. If you're not familiar with any Japanese, phrases like "As for my mom, she…" and "You won't … ?" / "Yes, I won't." might sound odd, but I think the meaning is clear.

Phrases that were written in plain English in the log are marked as *phrase*.

Words that were kept in Japanese (Romaji) are quoted: "arigatou", but not everything quoted is in Japanese.

All facts depicted in the logs are verified as far as possible, and all dates correspond to real events. All references to actual Japanese places as well as surnames have been deleted, to keep the privacy protected.

I thought of deleting other passages, that seem uninteresting in the whole scheme. I decided to keep them, even if it slows down the pacing.

Names from the movie were kept in their Japanese form ("Rin" for "Lin", "Kaonashi" for "No Face").

The first log is a chat between Chihiro and her friend Risa (who gave Chihiro the farewell flowers) at the time the movie opened in Japan.

(The translator wishes to stay anonymous.)


	2. July 27th, 2001

**July 27, 2001****  
First Log: Chihiro and Risa**

* * *

_Risa:_ Hello. 

_Chihiro:_** Hello Risa.  
**_Chihiro:_** Thanks for sending me a copy of the new instant messenger program.  
**_Chihiro:_** It's nicer than the old one.**

_Risa:_ Yes, I like it better too.

_Chihiro:_** So, today was the big day for you, right?  
**_Chihiro:_** You finally saw it, didn't you? **

_Risa:_ Yes. Just came back from the theater.  
_Risa:_ I'm very impressed. Still don't know what to say.   
_Risa:_ They actually used my name, and written on the farewell card! You told me they would, but I was still shocked.   
_Risa:_ I thought, now everyone in the theater would stare at me.   
_Risa:_ But of course they didn't. I'm glad.   
_Risa:_ And even Haku read my name! I just loved him.  
_Risa:_ It all seemed so real! 

_Chihiro:_** It was real... **

_Risa:_ To you, yes. And I know that.   
_Risa:_ But everyone else thinks it's just a story. 

_Chihiro:_** You know, it's better that way. **

_Risa:_ I guess so. Still... I wish some more people would know the truth.   
_Risa:_ Well, they know it now, but they won't believe it.   
_Risa:_ Don't you wish that too? 

_Chihiro:_** Not any more, at least not that much.   
**_Chihiro:_** After all, in the end they just pretend to believe.   
**_Chihiro:_** I don't blame them. Sometimes I have doubts myself. **

_Risa:_ Don't say that. I know how much you changed after that. You cannot have made that up. 

_Chihiro:_** People can be very persuasive. They have a logical explanation for everything. Who can argue against logic? **

_Risa:_ Hm... 

_Chihiro:_** You know, your advice back then was better than all the help I got from others. Things became a lot easier.   
**_Chihiro:_** It was a good idea to just let them talk and agree to everything, even though I knew they're wrong.   
**_Chihiro:_** But I'm afraid I might forget some day. **

_Risa:_ Don't even think that way. How can you forget?  
_Risa:_ And after you told them everything, they even made a movie of it. You'll always have that. 

_Chihiro:_** Probably. But... I just don't think I belong here any more, the way I am now.   
**_Chihiro:_** Can you imagine how many times I dreamt of Rin and Haku and the others?   
**_Chihiro:_** It's been three years now, but sometimes it feels like yesterday.  
**_Chihiro:_** And sometimes not.  
**_Chihiro:_** I'm afraid somebody takes these feelings away. When I grow up. **

_Risa:_ But aren't you glad about the movie?  
_Risa:_ To think that they made a film from it! I'm sure it will be a big success.   
_Risa:_ Look at the ratings it already got, and it was just the opening now.  
_Risa:_ And people will feel that there's some truth in the story. 

_Chihiro:_** You're right, but... I don't want all that attention.   
**_Chihiro:_** It already started now. The bad stuff.   
**_Chihiro:_** I heard that some people from my old town said, the whole family staged the whole "magical disappearance", so they could sell the story later. **

_Risa:_ You know they're fools, don't listen to them. 

_Chihiro:_** Well... There's more now.   
**_Chihiro:_** I guess people I get to know now might never really know me.  
**_Chihiro:_** What can I tell them anyway?  
**_Chihiro:_** If I tell them my story, they think I'm a weirdo. A stupid weirdo who can't even make up an own story, but uses one from a movie.   
**_Chihiro:_** If I don't tell them, would they ever know who I really am? **

_Risa:_ I know who you are, and I'm going to slap them all in the face if they don't believe you. 

_Chihiro:_** That's nice, but... you don't know people like I know, now.   
**_Chihiro:_** I wouldn't believe it myself if someone ever told me such a story.   
**_Chihiro:_** You know, like the greatest thing that ever happens to you can also be the worst thing? **

_Risa:_ Hm... 

_Chihiro:_** Sometimes I think, after this, I don't need anything from life anymore.   
**_Chihiro:_** Everything that can happen feels stupid, common, ordinary...**

_Risa:_ Haku will come. You said so yourself. 

_Chihiro:_** It's been three years now! And have you ever heard of anyone from the Spirit World suddenly appearing in this world? A dragon over ****Tokyo****?  
**_Chihiro:_** Still, in a way you're right.  
**_Chihiro:_** I do believe that he'll come one day. I keep waiting for him. **

(Translator note: she uses the term "Kamikakushi no Sekai", whose literal translation is: "World of the Magical Disappearance". Later they also use the term "Kami no sekai", which literally translates to "World of Gods". Both is translated as "Spirit World".)

_Risa:_ You still have no boyfriend? 

_Chihiro:_** I'm thirteen!  
**_Chihiro:_** And I didn't mean it that way.**

_Risa:_ And I'm fourteen, and yet... what about that boy from school you told me about? That "Monkey"? 

_Chihiro:_** "Monkey"? What do you mean?  
**_Chihiro:_** Oh, Masaaki? I don't think he'd like being called after "Monkey".**

(Translator note: they're referring to a Japanese actor named "Masaaki Sakai". He's most known for the cult series known as "Monkey" or "Monkey Magic" by NTV in the late 70s. He's still popular as a singer. Because he has the same first name as this schoolmate "Masaaki", the latter one seems to be called "Monkey" by Risa.) 

_Chihiro:_** No he's just a someone in school. He's nice because he doesn't ask many questions. **

_Risa:_ Woulcn't he be someone to tell your story?

_Chihiro:_** No. **

_Risa:_ Why? Don't you want to? 

_Chihiro:_** I don't want to tell anybody.  
**_Chihiro:_** And I'm not sure whether he would keep it to himself. I don't know him that well.   
**_Chihiro:_** He'd probably make fun of it. That's why we moved again, after all. At the last school everyone thought I was crazy. **

_Risa:_ I know. You told me. 

_Chihiro:_** I don't even like my name any more. Everyone uses it now so often.**

_Risa:_ You don't you like that? Maybe they'd even start calling you "Sen".

_Chihiro:_** What? They would do that to tease me, because I'm not like everyone else.   
**_Chihiro:_** But I don't really care about them. **

_Risa:_ Well, when they start talking about "Chihiro" you can pretend they mean "Kobayashi".

_Chihiro:_** She's still your favorite player, right?  
**_Chihiro:_** That wouldn't work for me… **

(Translator note: They are referring to a Japanese baseball player named "Chihiro Kobayashi". She pitched in the "All Japan girl's baseball team". Even though baseball is popular in Japan, it is very much dominated by men.) 

_Risa:_ At least they changed your family name in the movie.   
_Risa:_ And it seemed they got the length of stay shortened. 

_Chihiro:_** Yes, of course they couldn't fit everything into two hours films.   
**_Chihiro:_** They cut out the part between signing the contract and when Haku took me to see my parents. That was over a month. **

_Risa:_ Yes I noticed. You told me it took you two weeks to get used to the work. 

_Chihiro:_** Yes. And four to get used to those dreadful stairs.   
**_Chihiro:_** And after that it took seven weeks until I let Kaonashi in. They left out so much.   
**_Chihiro:_** The drawing was totally different from how it was. The Gods were not at all like in the movie.   
**_Chihiro:_** They were more feeling than appearance. I guess you can't draw that.  
**_Chihiro:_** And they added some of their own stuff.  
**_Chihiro:_** And Rin came pretty short.   
**_Chihiro:_** Well, they got the bath house pretty much right. **

_Risa:_ It's anime after all. They had to please the crowds. And every maker has its style, you know. 

_Chihiro:_** I know, and I don't complain. It's even hard for me to explain how it should be seen. **

_Risa:_ You should write it all down. 

_Chihiro:_** I don't try any more, it's too hard.  
**_Chihiro:_** It also reminds me of all those sessions with the psychiatrist, when I told them everything.   
**_Chihiro:_** Well, I tried to tell them, but I don't think they listened.   
**_Chihiro:_** Maybe I can get a copy of their notes. I'm afraid of forgetting. **

_Risa:_ It all seemed so real when you all were gone those three months.   
_Risa:_ We all were worried, and the search groups and newspapers and everything.   
_Risa:_ Now it's just a story. 

_Chihiro:_** Don't say that. **

_Risa:_ Sorry.   
_Risa:_ And what was that about the abandoned theme park?   
_Risa:_ Your father really said that, didn't he? 

_Chihiro:_** Yes he did, but you know my dad.   
**_Chihiro:_** He has an explanation for everything. He thinks he's so great, with his imported car and all.   
**_Chihiro:_** There never was a theme park there. No houses at all, when we went back. Just the hill behind that one building. **

_Risa:_ I know. You took me there. And the empty river bed. 

_Chihiro:_** Yes. I haven't been there since New Year. I miss it. **

_Risa:_ You did spend a lot of time there, didn't you? Do you still draw? 

_Chihiro:_** Like two years ago? No, since we moved again I didn't find a place yet to be alone.   
**_Chihiro:_** And there's always someone around me. **

_Risa:_ Your mom, right? 

_Chihiro:_** Yes, and the rest of her family. Why don't they leave me alone when I want to? **

_Risa:_ They'd think you'd run away again. 

_Chihiro:_** And I probably would. I hate my mom. I wish she had a memory of what happened to her. She's stupid. **

_Risa:_ Don't say that. 

_Chihiro:_** But when I think that way? **

_Risa:_ Is your dad fine? 

_Chihiro:_** I haven't seen him last weekend, like he promised.   
**_Chihiro:_** Ever since he got that new girlfriend it's like he has forgotten me. **

_Risa:_ You know that's not true. 

_Chihiro:_** Well, it seems that way. And all he cared for during the divorce was the car and money and stuff.   
**_Chihiro:_** I don't think he ever believed me. I wish I hadn't told them anything at all. **

_Risa:_ You don't seriously think your parents separated because of you?   
_Risa:_ They had a hard time too, after finding out that they had been absent for a few months.   
_Risa:_ You had no choice, I mean, what would you have told them? 

_Chihiro:_** I don't know. Maybe that I as well don't remember anything at all.   
**_Chihiro:_** I thought they'd believe me. **

_Risa:_ But they don't have any other explanation... 

_Chihiro:_** Sure they do. That magnetic field that puts us into deep sleep for weeks, or the alien abduction story.   
**_Chihiro:_** And don't forget all that amnesia stuff they wanted us to believe. **

_Risa:_ That doesn't explain everything. 

_Chihiro:_** You expect them really to believe a fairy tale? They are grown ups, not little kids.   
**_Chihiro:_** Believe me, I've tried to make them believe.   
**_Chihiro:_** I've tried. **

_Risa:_ I believe you. 

_Chihiro:_** I know, thank you.   
**_Chihiro:_** Sometimes I think you are the only friend I have in this world.   
**_Chihiro:_** You know what I ask myself? When I leave this world, will I go back to the Spirit World? **

_Risa:_ You're not seriously thinking of... leaving? 

_Chihiro:_** What's holding me here?   
**_Chihiro:_** But don't worry, I won't leave you yet. You know what? **

_Risa:_ What? 

_Chihiro:_** Maybe because of this, people will start to think differently about things they cannot explain.   
**_Chihiro:_** Have you noticed that a lot of anime and movies are dealing with some weird stuff recently? Like ESP and clairvoyance? **

(Note: ESP = Extra-Sensory Perception, a part of parapsychology which includes "clairvoyance": the ability to see or sense people and things not present to those with ordinary sight.) 

_Risa:_ Hm... 

_Chihiro:_** Maybe more people are starting to see the truth, I mean that there is more to this world than what they teach in school. **

_Risa:_ You think they went through similar experiences, but don't talk about it? 

_Chihiro:_** No, I just think they feel some truth even though they cannot see it.   
**_Chihiro:_** I just got lucky to see it myself, I guess. **

_Risa:_ Do you think they're going to market the bath house? Make it a tourist attraction? 

_Chihiro:_** No, you don't understand. I'm not talking just about my experience.   
**_Chihiro:_** There's a LOT more than this world and the other world together. I think.   
**_Chihiro:_** Maybe people are changing, and in the future there will be more than what we believe now.   
**_Chihiro:_** ...than what they believe now. **

_Risa:_ In the far future. 

_Chihiro:_** Yes, but still. Think about it.   
**_Chihiro:_** And you really liked the movie? **

_Risa:_ Totally. How long ago since you saw it? 

_Chihiro:_** A few weeks ago, at a private screening.   
**_Chihiro:_** I hid in my seat as deep as I could.   
**_Chihiro:_** They were all very nice. I don't think they all knew who I was.   
**_Chihiro:_** After all, I'm just the smart kid with a vivid imagination, who came up with that story.  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't want any publicity. **

_Risa:_ But what did you think of it?   
_Risa:_ You didn't want to talk about it before I had seen it.   
_Risa:_ They always say, a movie never compares to the reality. 

_Chihiro:_** True. I had seen sketches, I knew what to expect, so I was prepared.   
**_Chihiro:_** It was so hard to explain how they all looked.  
**_Chihiro:_** You should have seen their first tries with Yubaaba and Kaonashi!  
**_Chihiro:_** Still, it was much better than I expected. The feeling was there.   
**_Chihiro:_** I thought they'd screw up more. **

(Note: Kaonashi is called "No Face" in the English version.)

_Risa:_ It's a fantastic story to begin with. 

_Chihiro:_** I guess. Still, I don't think anyone will ever begin to understand what it was like. **

_Risa:_ Maybe. 

_Chihiro:_** How could they. To them it's just a story.   
**_Chihiro:_** The film should be three months long, with every minute in it I spent over there. There was so much more. **

_Risa:_ Hm... 

_Chihiro:_** Then maybe they'd get the idea.   
**_Chihiro:_** But even I have forgotten so much since then.  
**_Chihiro:_** And I'm sure they still wouldn't believe.   
**_Chihiro:_** But say, what did you like most in the movie? **

_Risa:_ Everything. Let's see... Kaonashi was very impressive. Was he really that way? 

_Chihiro:_** Kind of, but he didn't throw up over Yubaaba. They made that up. For effects, I guess.   
**_Chihiro:_** And he was really barely visible most of the time, but with a strong feeling,  
**_Chihiro:_** Or a force around him, like an "aura".  
**_Chihiro:_** I miss him. **

_Risa:_ As for you, what did you like best? 

_Chihiro:_** Hard to say...   
**_Chihiro:_** I guess the scene that felt the most real for me was in the swamps.   
**_Chihiro:_** I remember I spent hours explaining how I felt. They understood.   
**_Chihiro:_** That walk took half an hour after all. **

_Risa:_ Half an hour…

_Chihiro:_** Yes. And it was really quiet there. I felt something I seldom felt before, or after that.   
**_Chihiro:_** It's hard to explain. **

_Risa:_ I can imagine. I felt weird at that part. Like there's something missing, but I don't know what. 

_Chihiro:_** Yes. It's like when you feel that you knew something a second ago, but not any more.   
**_Chihiro:_** Or that you are one thought away from the truth, but you cannot think of that thought.   
**_Chihiro:_** But it doesn't matter, because you know it's there. **

_Risa:_ Wow. You're good at this. 

_Chihiro:_** I've had practice. I often fell like the words are flying in my head, I just have to pick them.  
**_Chihiro:_** Maybe I really will write it down some day. **

_Risa:_ You really should. It'll be a bestseller. 

_Chihiro:_** Please don't. I wouldn't ever let it be published.   
**_Chihiro:_** I think it was a mistake to let them do the movie, too. **

_Risa:_ You don't seriously think that?   
_Risa:_ Don't say that, the movie is great.   
_Risa:_ And all the hype it gets... it's just this opening weekend.   
_Risa:_ Believe me, it'll soon die down. When all fans have seen it. 

_Chihiro:_** You think so? **

_Risa:_ Yes, it's just a kid's movie. It's not like Takeshi is in it. 

(Translator note: Takeshi Kitano is a famous director and actor in Japan. Also known as "Beat Takeshi".) 

_Chihiro:_** I guess. But still... I feel so weird... like naked.   
**_Chihiro:_** Everyone can see the most inner part of me now.   
**_Chihiro:_** And I can see them see it. **

_Risa:_ Well, you are someone really special. 

_Chihiro:_** I guess. **

_Risa:_ Don't you want to be? 

_Chihiro:_** I don't know any more.  
**_Chihiro:_** Right now I just want this all to be over, and not be reminded in every toy store of my past. **

_Risa:_ I see.   
_Risa:_ I guess you have to endure this a little while. But in two weeks everyone will just talk about Jurassic Park 3. 

_Chihiro:_** You think so? **

_Risa:_ Believe me. People forget easily. 

_Chihiro:_** I think you're right. I'm just glad no one here knows my real story.   
**_Chihiro:_** I couldn't go through all of that again.   
**_Chihiro:_** You know, this all brings up those memories everyone told me to forget.   
**_Chihiro:_** And it's good and bad at the same time. **

_Risa:_ Hey, you should come visit me again, sometime soon. 

_Chihiro:_** I'd love to. My mom's busy with her job though, and she wouldn't let me travel alone.   
**_Chihiro:_** Maybe we can work something out. **

_Risa:_ I really miss the good times we had. 

_Chihiro:_** Me too. **

_Risa:_ If you ever need me, I'll be there. 

_Chihiro:_** That's very nice of you, thank you.   
**_Chihiro:_** But sometimes talking doesn't help that much.   
**_Chihiro:_** I have to face the future on my own, after all. **

_Risa:_ Hm... 

_Chihiro:_** Sometimes I wish I would never grow up. **

_Risa:_ I know. How about those "Pippi" pills? 

_Chihiro:_** No, I'm not Peter Pan!**

(Note: they are referring to famous European children literature: "Peter Pan", an English play by J. M. Barrie and "Pippi Långstrump" / "Pippi Longstocking", a Swedish book by Astrid Lindgren. Pippi made herself pills to prevent growing up, and Peter was a boy in a land where nobody grows up.) 

_Risa:_ Yes. 

_Chihiro:_** To me my past is part of reality, and growing up is part of reality.  
**_Chihiro:_** If I can't go back there, I have to face staying here and getting old.   
**_Chihiro:_** I'll always keep it in my heart, though. **

_Risa:_ Um, Chihiro, you scare me. 

_Chihiro:_** Why? **

_Risa:_ Sometimes you sound like you've already grown up. 

_Chihiro:_** You think so?   
**_Chihiro:_** I don't know.   
**_Chihiro:_** No, I don't think so. I think maybe I'm just different than everybody else. **

_Risa:_ Maybe that's the point.   
_Risa:_ I'm glad to have you as a friend. 

_Chihiro:_** Thanks. I'm also glad. **

_Risa:_ Thanks.   
_Risa:_ Well, it's already late, I'll see you around.   
_Risa:_ Enjoy your summer.

_Chihiro:_** Thanks, same to you, we'll be in touch.   
**_Chihiro:_** Bye. **

_Risa:_ Bye.


	3. November 7th, 2001

**November 7, 2001  
Second Log: Risa and Masaaki**

* * *

_Masaaki: _**Hello.   
**_Masaaki:_** Risa? **

_Risa:_ Yes. Hello. 

_Masaaki:_** My name is Masaaki.   
**_Masaaki:_** um... Do you remember me? We met last month, while you were visiting Chihiro. For her birthday. **

_Risa:_ Ah, yes. I remember.   
_Risa:_ You were the guy we met while being at McDonalds. 

_Masaaki:_** Right. **

_Risa:_ Great. How's Chihiro doing?   
_Risa:_ Haven't heard from her in a while. 

_Masaaki:_** Me neither. I mean...   
**_Masaaki:_** She comes to school, and I see her there,   
**_Masaaki:_** But she seldom talks to me. **

_Risa:_ Hm... 

_Masaaki:_** She doesn't seem to talk to anyone.   
**_Masaaki:_** She's quiet like "Lain" or "Rei", if you understand what I mean. **

_Risa:_ I do.

(Translator note: they are referring to two anime series characters: Lain from "Serial Experiments: Lain" and Rei from "Shin Seiki Evangelion" (Neon Genesis Evangelion). Those are very introverted, silent characters.) 

_Risa:_ She has always been very quiet, keeping to herself.   
_Risa:_ Well, maybe not always, but in the last years, I guess. 

_Masaaki:_** I tried to talk to her a couple of times, but...   
**_Masaaki:_** I think she avoids me.   
**_Masaaki:_** I think she avoids everyone.  
**_Masaaki:_** I sort of wait for her to ask or tell me something, I don't like asking stupid stuff myself.  
**_Masaaki:_** But our conversations are always very short.**

_Risa:_ well... 

_Masaaki:_** I just want to help her. I'd like to understand her.   
**_Masaaki:_** She seems like a nice girl.   
**_Masaaki:_** Not like the other girls in her class, or mine. **

_Risa:_ She is different, I guess... 

_Masaaki:_** But..., that's why she's interesting, and...   
**_Masaaki:_** But I don't find any way to talk to her.   
**_Masaaki:_** It's like she's living in another world. **

_Risa:_ You're right about that, more than you know... 

_Masaaki:_** I'd like to know a bit more about her.   
**_Masaaki:_** I know it's stupid to ask you, but... she once said you were her only friend.   
**_Masaaki:_** And she wouldn't need any other friends any more. **

_Risa:_ Um... but how exactly did you find me here?   
_Risa:_ Did Chihiro tell you my screen name? 

_Masaaki:_** No, well, it's kind of embarrassing.   
**_Masaaki:_** You see, Chihiro seems to be forgetful sometimes, and last week she forgot her bag during lunch.   
**_Masaaki:_** I brought it her, but...   
**_Masaaki:_** I don't usually do that, but I didn't know what else to do to find out anything about her, so I peeked into the bag. And there was the address book.   
**_Masaaki:_** Not a single address was in there, but it looked like a present from you since your information was on the first page.   
**_Masaaki:_** It seems true that she doesn't have any other friends.   
**_Masaaki:_** Is that so? **

_Risa:_ Well, maybe she just started using the book.   
_Risa:_ So, Chihiro doesn't know that you are talking to me? 

_Masaaki:_** No, is that a problem for you? I'm sorry if it is.   
**_Masaaki:_** I've tried to talk to her, but I'm afraid of being a nuisance.   
**_Masaaki:_** I don't want to annoy her.   
**_Masaaki:_** Maybe she has problems, and I'd like to help her. **

_Risa:_ Why? 

_Masaaki:_** Because that's what people do, help each other.   
**_Masaaki:_** A few weeks ago we had that video night, watching "Ringu". **

(Translator note: "Ringu" (The Ring) was made 1998, and very popular in Japan. Later a US-remake was made. It's a horror movie.) 

_Masaaki:_** I asked her to come, but...   
**_Masaaki:_** I don't think she even considered. **

_Risa:_ I can imagine 

_Masaaki:_** She even said she's not old enough yet to watch it.   
**_Masaaki:_** Like anyone would care.   
**_Masaaki:_** And Chihiro seems older than the rest of her class. **

_Risa:_ Are you in her class? 

_Masaaki:_** No, I'm fifteen. I'm in 9th class, one class ahead of Chihiro.   
**_Masaaki:_** I've noticed her already last year.   
**_Masaaki:_** But she doesn't seem happy.   
**_Masaaki:_** At first I thought it was the change, she said they had moved into town.  
**_Masaaki:_** But it's been quite long now, and she still doesn't seem to have any friends.   
**_Masaaki:_** She doesn't even seem to have a hobby, or do any sports.  
**_Masaaki:_** I see her in the library, though.  
**_Masaaki:_** But it's like she's dreaming all the time. If the school blew up, I think she wouldn't care. **

_Risa:_ Masaaki, you talk a lot. 

_Masaaki:_** Sorry, I wouldn't usually.  
**_Masaaki:_** But it's been on my mind for quite a while now.**

_Risa:_ Why do you tell me all that? 

_Masaaki:_** Sorry, this is not really new to you, is it?   
**_Masaaki:_** I just need anyone to listen to this. Nobody seems to care much about her.   
**_Masaaki:_** I once tried calling her mother, but it's not easy to talk to her, either.**

_Risa:_ Well, it's not all that easy.   
_Risa:_ And I'm not sure whether I should talk to you or not. 

_Masaaki:_** I understand. After all you don't know me at all...**

_Risa:_ It's not that, I believe you, but..., I don't think Chihiro would like it when I talk to you. 

_Masaaki:_** You think so? Is anything wrong with her? **

_Risa:_ It's hard to explain. If she doesn't tell you, I don't think I should. And you wouldn't believe it anyway.   
_Risa:_ Maybe even I don't believe it.   
_Risa:_ Any more. 

_Masaaki:_** I don't understand. Are you talking about anything specific? **

_Risa:_ Let's just say it has to do with something that happened in her past. 

_Masaaki:_** You mean... she had been... hurt? **

_Risa:_ No, no, no.   
_Risa:_ Don't get me wrong. Nothing like that.   
_Risa:_ She's fine. It's... more like a family tragedy.   
_Risa:_ Listen, I don't think I should talk about this, at least not now. 

_Masaaki:_** You don't think I could help her?   
**_Masaaki:_** Can you help her?**

_Risa:_ Of course I want to help her.   
_Risa:_ I stayed her only friend by saying I believed her.   
_Risa:_ And when she needs to talk, she can come to me, I promised her.   
_Risa:_ And she's also in professional care. 

_Masaaki:_** Oh my God, what's wrong with her? What happened? **

_Risa:_ Like I said, I won't tell you. She should tell you herself. 

_Masaaki:_** Um... How often does she talk to you?   
**_Masaaki:_** When did you talk to her the last time? **

_Risa:_ It was... a while ago. She's not online that much. 

_Masaaki:_** I don't want to seem intrusive, but I think you should talk to her.   
**_Masaaki:_** I think she needs someone right now. And if not me, then maybe you. **

_Risa:_ Maybe you are right.

_Masaaki:_** If you want to, you can tell her we talked. I don't like secrets.**

_Risa:_ Um, Masaaki, maybe I should thank you.  
_Risa:_ Maybe I didn't realize how Chihiro is doing now.  
_Risa:_ I think it is pretty courageous that you talked to me like this. 

_Masaaki:_** Well this is online, and I don't know you, so...   
**_Masaaki:_** And do you think Chihiro will be ok? **

_Risa:_ I hope so. Give her some more time to forget whatever she needs to forget.   
_Risa:_ I hope she wants to forget, it's been a long time. 

_Masaaki:_** How long? **

_Risa:_ It was spring '98, over three years now.   
_Risa:_ But I've already said too much. I think if you really want to help her you have to wait for the right moment. 

_Masaaki:_** That's what I did for quite a while now.   
**_Masaaki:_** But you are right, I guess.   
**_Masaaki:_** I cannot help anyone who doesn't want any help.   
**_Masaaki:_** Thank you a lot for the talking. **

_Risa:_ Thanks too. You may call me anytime, if you want to. 

_Masaaki:_** Thanks, maybe I will. ****Bye.**

_Risa:_ Bye. 


	4. November 17th, 2001

**November 17, 2001****  
Third Log: Chihiro and Risa**

* * *

_Chihiro:_** Hello.**

_Risa: _Hello, Chihiro. How are you?

_Chihiro:_** Fine, thanks. My mom said you wanted to talk to me?**

_Risa:_ Yes, um, I can call you by phone too, if you want to.

_Chihiro:_** This is ok.**

_Risa:_ You don't use Instant Messengers much any more, right?

_Chihiro:_** I just don't use it because, well, who should I talk to anyway?**

_Risa: _You know you can always talk to me.

_Chihiro: _**I know, but what's the point if there's nothing new?  
**_Chihiro: _**Nothing ever really changes…**

_Risa: _That's a depressing way to see the world, don't you think?  
_Risa: _I think there's a lot of new stuff to find out every day.  
_Risa: _When I go shopping I find new interesting things all around me.

_Chihiro: _**Shopping, oh…  
**_Chihiro: _**There's nothing new, just the same stuff in another wrapping.  
**_Chihiro: _**Things I won't ever need.**

_Risa: _What about music, books, art? That had been interesting to you, right?

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, but in the end it's just all made of the same notes, letters and colors.  
**_Chihiro: _**Just in a different order.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's never anything new.**

_Risa: _What are you looking for?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, I can't explain it. These last five weeks after you went home I've done a lot of thinking.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I didn't find any answers, well, I didn't even find a question.**

_Risa: _You spend a lot of time alone, don't you?

_Chihiro: _**My mom got a job again, and I often go biking around.  
**_Chihiro: _**When the weather allows it.  
**_Chihiro: _**I see all the people on the street, and in their cars, and I wonder…  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't know, it all seems pointless to me.  
**_Chihiro: _**Like nobody wants anything to change.**

_Risa: _Did you see Masaaki again, lately?

_Chihiro: _**Funny that you ask. He mentioned you a few days ago.**

_Risa: _What did he say?

_Chihiro: _**Nothing much. He was just asking how you were doing and to say hi whenever I talk to you.  
**_Chihiro: _**You must have left an impression on him that day at McDonalds.**

_Risa: _Well, we've been talking last week, online.

_Chihiro: _**Really? He has a crush on you?**

_Risa: _No, not like that. He's interested in you.  
_Risa: _In a way, I mean. I don't know.  
_Risa: _He seems not like the guys I went out with, so it's hard to tell.

_Chihiro: _**What do you mean…  
**_Chihiro: _**Interested in me…**

_Risa: _Not like that, I don't think. Not as a boyfriend.  
_Risa: _More like a friend, or so.  
_Risa: _We didn't talk much.  
_Risa: _He just said, he wished you would talk to him more.

_Chihiro: _**So he's bothering you to get information about me?  
**_Chihiro: _**Did you tell him anything?**

_Risa: _He wasn't any nuisance, and he didn't ask much.  
_Risa: _He just talked.  
_Risa: _Said, he'd like to get to know you, and that you're pretty quiet, mostly.  
_Risa: _I didn't say anything about your problems.  
_Risa: _Has he been a bother to you?

_Chihiro: _**No, he's always nice. Maybe I should go out with him, like he asked.  
**_Chihiro: _**Just for a change.**

_Risa: _You really should.  
_Risa: _It could help you forget your past.

_Chihiro: _**Forget?  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't want to forget. Even though I don't talk about it much.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's inside of me, a part of me.  
**_Chihiro: _**I miss the time when we talked about it for hours though, back then.**

_Risa: _Yes, that was nice. We really believed it was true.

_Chihiro: _**Don't you believe it any more?  
**_Chihiro: _**You changed, Risa.  
**_Chihiro: _**What happened?**

_Risa: _I changed?  
_Risa: _I think you changed more than I would ever understand.

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, maybe it's meant to be. I'm the happiest and saddest person in one.  
**_Chihiro: _**But the happiness is limited to my memories and dreams.**

_Risa: _That's a depressing way to see it. There's happiness in this world, too.

_Chihiro: _**Show me happy people! Don't you watch news?  
**_Chihiro: _**Everyone's talking about a new war now, against terrorism.  
**_Chihiro: _**Where are we going?**

_Risa: _That's in America and Europe, far from here. Don't be afraid, it won't affect you.

_Chihiro: _**Of course it affects me, it affects everybody.**

_Risa: _But they have to fight the terrorists, so it won't happen again.

_Chihiro: _**But fighting itself is wrong!  
**_Chihiro: _**Doesn't anybody see that?**

_Risa: _Do you have a better idea how to solve that?

_Chihiro: _**No, not really.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't think our cranes made any big difference.**

(Translator note: it seems, in her school too "origami" (paper) cranes have been made to show their sympathy after the Twin Tower Attack.)

_Chihiro: _**I've been trying to understand the USA, their way of thinking.  
**_Chihiro: _**I just don't get a few things. The bible says somewhere:  
**_Chihiro: _**If someone hits you on the cheek, let them hit the other one too.  
**_Chihiro: _**And if they take your Coat, let them have your Jacket too.  
**_Chihiro: _**But nobody's talking about this right now.**

(Note: This is from Matthew 5: 39-40. Original King James Translation: "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.")

_Risa: _You're not fair.  
_Risa: _Everyone has a right to defend himself.

_Chihiro: _**I know, and I don't mean it literally.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or maybe I do, but only for myself.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't expect others to see things my way.**

_Risa: _You are relating this to your Spirit World again, aren't you?

_Chihiro: _**Maybe I do, I don't know. I just think there are no bad persons in this world, and in the other world.  
**_Chihiro: _**And no good ones. We're all the same. **

_Risa: _But didn't you just say the world is bad?  
_Risa: _I don't get it.

_Chihiro: _**No, this world is beautiful in all its details.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's the minds of people that make it bad.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or not the minds themselves, more the differences in views.**

_Risa: _You sure are confusing.  
_Risa: _So you've been reading more about religions?

_Chihiro: _**It's very interesting to find out how the world works, and why.  
**_Chihiro: _**Religion is the basis for everyone's beliefs.   
**_Chihiro: _**Just like philosophy and science.**

_Risa: _You should go out more, have some fun for a change.

_Chihiro: _**And you should read "Sofuii no Sekai" by "Yoosutain Goruderu", it's a great book.**

(Note: They are referring to Jostein Gaarder's "Sofies Verden" / "Sophie's World", translated from Norwegian into Japanese by Kayoko Ikeda. It is a book about the history of Philosophy, written as a novel.)

_Risa: _I don't know, you told me before, but we have that stuff in school later, anyway.  
_Risa: _I don't understand why you put so much effort into it.  
_Risa: _You really need some more friends.  
_Risa: _Don't you sometimes wish, you had a brother or a sister?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, I used to, but not any more.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'd be different if I had any.  
**_Chihiro: _**I know this is my way, it's useless to keep thinking about what could have been.  
**_Chihiro: _**Remember how we used to imagine how it would have been, if I would have stayed there, with Rin?**

_Risa: _I remember, sure. Don't you think that way any more?

_Chihiro: _**Sometimes I dream that I'm back, but that's different.  
**_Chihiro: _**Most of those dreams seem just like bits of my memory in a new order.  
**_Chihiro: _**But a few times it feels totally real, and I wake up and know someone has spoken to me from there, and I try to remember really hard…  
**_Chihiro: _**Usually I can't remember much.**

_Risa: _Does Haku speak to you?

_Chihiro: _**You only think of boys, don't you?  
**_Chihiro: _**Yes, I think Haku has spoken with me too.  
**_Chihiro: _**I sometimes remember the tone of his voice in the mornings, but no words.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's like he uses a language I have forgotten now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or no language at all.**

_Risa: _That's very romantic.

_Chihiro: _**No it's not, it only confuses me!  
**_Chihiro: _**It has become more intensive since the summer.**

_Risa: _More dreams?  
_Risa: _You didn't tell me that.

_Chihiro: _**Not really more, but different.  
**_Chihiro: _**Ever since the movie started, the dreams became more real to me again.  
**_Chihiro: _**Very slowly, though.**

_Risa: _What does that mean?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know. But I've been thinking about it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Maybe, if many people think about the Spirit World, it's easier for them to cross the border, or something.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's like all of Japan is helping me making the connection.**

_Risa: _That's a strange way to put it.  
_Risa: _I think all this fuss about the film is making it really hard for you to forget.  
_Risa: _You think about it too much.

_Chihiro: _**I do not!  
**_Chihiro: _**Everybody else does, but I try not to think about the movie.  
**_Chihiro: _**I never even talk about it any more.  
**_Chihiro: _**Today is an exception.  
**_Chihiro: _**I try to just fit into this world, which is not easy.**

_Risa: _I know.

_Chihiro: _**Sometimes if someone at school talks about it, I just want to tell them how I feel about it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Most probably think, I haven't even seen it, because I don't talk about it.  
**_Chihiro: _**But that's ok.**

_Risa: _You can talk about the movie, if you don't tell them it was really you…

_Chihiro: _**Of course I won't tell them that, but even talking about the movie is too much for me.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm THIS close to doing what all therapists told me to…  
**_Chihiro: _**…accepting that it all has been a piece of imagination, a dream that I made up myself.  
**_Chihiro: _**And why not? It could make things easier.**

_Risa: _Why don't you?

_Chihiro: _**Would it make me sleep at night? I doubt it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Would it make me happier? I doubt it.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'd be someone that I am not.  
**_Chihiro: _**I have to find my place in the world.**

_Risa: _My God, you're 14 years old.  
_Risa: _You talk like you're having a mid-life crisis.

_Chihiro: _**Hm…  
**_Chihiro: _**That's a good way to put it.  
**_Chihiro: _**I sometimes feel like half my life is over already.  
**_Chihiro: _**The first purpose is fulfilled.**

_Risa: _You're weird.  
_Risa: _But in a nice way.  
_Risa: _I think you need a change.  
_Risa: _Why don't you go out with this Masaaki?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know. Maybe I will.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I wouldn't know what to talk about, anyway.**

_Risa: _Try philosophy.  
_Risa: _Or books.  
_Risa: _He seemed like a smart guy.  
_Risa: _And there are many others out there.  
_Risa: _One of them will be the right one.  
_Risa: _Or two, or three…

_Chihiro: _**Stop that!  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm not like you!**

_Risa: _It's not good for you to be always alone.  
_Risa: _I know you're not like the others, but…  
_Risa: _You don't seriously like to be alone, do you?

_Chihiro: _**I'll think about it.**

_Risa: _How are your parents?  
_Risa: _How do they take all the fuss about the movie?

_Chihiro: _**They don't think about it that much.  
**_Chihiro: _**They're glad about the extra money, but most of it goes to an account on my sake.  
**_Chihiro: _**Haven't seen my dad in a couple of weeks, but we sometimes talk on the phone.  
**_Chihiro: _**He's in Europe right now, Norway, some whaling business.   
**_Chihiro: _**I'll tell them we talked.**

_Risa: _Yes, do that. Give them my compliments.

_Chihiro: _**I think if it wasn't for me, my parents would have forgotten the whole thing already.  
**_Chihiro: _**Not that there's much to forget for them…  
**_Chihiro: _**But I believe now they've accepted my point of view and try to make things easier for me.  
**_Chihiro: _**As far as they can.**

_Risa: _That's great.

_Chihiro: _**They don't try to change me any more, maybe the movie has showed them better what I went through than all my explanations ever could.  
**_Chihiro: _**Although we don't talk about it that much.  
**_Chihiro: _**Which is good, I think.**

_Risa: _Sometimes talking doesn't help much, yeah.

_Chihiro: _**I know it's still some time until then, but,  
**_Chihiro: _**Are you having plans for the holidays?**

_Risa: _I don't think we'll go anywhere special, just staying here with the family over New Year.  
_Risa: _What are you up to?

_Chihiro: _**I don't think I'll be with my dad then.  
**_Chihiro: _**So it'll be like last year, I guess, just my mom's family.  
**_Chihiro: _**Would be nice to see each other again.**

_Risa: _Sure, if it weren't so far I'd come more often.  
_Risa: _Maybe we can work something out.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, hope so too.  
**_Chihiro: _**It was nice talking to you.  
**_Chihiro: _**I've got to go now, school tomorrow.**

_Risa: _Same here.  
_Risa: _Let me know, if anything happens.

_Chihiro: _**What do you mean?**

_Risa: _You know, Masaaki…

_Chihiro: _**Ah, yeah sure.  
**_Chihiro: _**See ya.**

_Risa: _Bye.


	5. December 27th, 2001

**December 27, 2001  
Fourth Log: Chihiro and Risa**

* * *

_Risa: _Hello.

_Chihiro: _**Hi.**

_Risa: _Nice to finally hear from you again.  
_Risa: _Merry Christmas! 

_Chihiro: _**Yes, Merry Christmas.**

_Risa: _You haven't been online for a long time…  
_Risa: _You don't like computers any more?

_Chihiro: _**No, that's not it. Well, it's good for research.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I don't feel like writing messages most of the time.  
**_Chihiro: _**Other can't tell me much what I couldn't read in books, with less trouble.**

_Risa: _You still read that much? You must be really smart by now.

_Chihiro: _**I'm not. Well, my grades are good, but that's not important.  
**_Chihiro: _**People make too much fuss about grades, and forget things that are really important.**

_Risa: _What kind of things?

_Chihiro: _**Well, for one thing finding out who they really are.  
**_Chihiro: _**Because everybody is a different person.  
**_Chihiro: _**But let's not talk about this.  
**_Chihiro: _**How is your winter break?**

_Risa: _It's nice, we made it look a lot like an American Christmas this year.  
_Risa: _I spend a lot of time with my friends.  
_Risa: _But I'm looking forward to my presents.  
_Risa: _I hope I'll get lots of money, maybe new covers for my cell phone.  
_Risa: _How about you?

(Translator note: The traditional New Year's presents are also called "otoshidama". In Japan, New Year is the biggest holiday, like Christmas in western countries.)

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, well,  
**_Chihiro: _**My mom wants to give me a new bike, although the old one is fine for me.  
**_Chihiro: _**She said I use mine so often, it's bound to fall apart.**

_Risa: _You still bike a lot?  
_Risa: _That's nice, where?

_Chihiro: _**Not much now, I'll start in spring again, but,  
**_Chihiro: _**Do you remember the hill forest I showed you in October?  
**_Chihiro: _**I found a spot nobody else seems to use, although it's quite a ride to go there.**

_Risa: _Yeah, I remember that. That's almost out of town, isn't it?

_Chihiro: _**I don't mind. At least I get lots of exercise and fresh air.**

_Risa: _Why that spot? Anything special there?

_Chihiro: _**Well, it reminds me of the area of my magical disappearance.**

(Translator Note: she uses the term "kamikakushi" here)

_Risa: _Chihiro's disappearance…   
_Risa: _That reminds me of the movie. It's a miracle how successful it is.  
_Risa: _It's magic.  
_Risa: _We've seen it again two weeks ago.

_Chihiro: _**Well, when I saw it with my parents, they were really quiet after it was over.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I think they aren't angry at me any more.**

_Risa: _You think they were angry at you?

_Chihiro: _**Not really angry, that's the wrong word.  
**_Chihiro: _**Disappointed, frustrated, disturbed, uneasy, I don't know, nothing really fits.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't like words, I never find the right ones.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or they don't find me.**

_Risa: _Same here.  
_Risa: _There's this new boy I got to know, Tatsuya, I never know what to say to him.

_Chihiro: _**I can't imagine that…  
**_Chihiro: _**You, afraid of a boy?**

_Risa: _Not afraid, he just doesn't react like the others, when I say something.  
_Risa: _And he's so cute.  
_Risa: _But maybe he's just stupid.

_Chihiro: _**You never know what people are like inside.  
**_Chihiro: _**You probably don't even know yourself yet.  
**_Chihiro: _**I know I don't know who I am…**

_Risa: _It's easy, you are you and I am me.  
_Risa: _Sometimes I wished I were you, to have your memories.

_Chihiro: _**Don't, it's not all that great.**

_Risa: _A lot of people want to be you, now, in a way.

_Chihiro: _**I know, that scares me.**

_Risa: _Why?

_Chihiro: _**It's not at all what it seems like.  
**_Chihiro: _**Sure it's nice to have made a really special trip.  
**_Chihiro: _**And I don't wish it could be made undone.  
**_Chihiro: _**But in the end it only raises more questions than it can ever answer.**

_Risa: _What kind of questions?

_Chihiro: _**All those questions we've discussed so many times.  
**_Chihiro: _**What is reality, what is good and evil, where do spirits live, what are Gods exactly…  
**_Chihiro: _**You know them.  
**_Chihiro: _**And every day more.**

_Risa: _You worry too much.

_Chihiro: _**Can't help it, can I?**

_Risa: _What about this guy we've been talking about, the "monkey"?

_Chihiro: _**Masaaki?   
**_Chihiro: _**Yeah, I wanted to tell you about him.**

_Risa: _So you two had a date?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, we did, well, sort of.**

_Risa: _Tell me all about it.  
_Risa: _I want to hear everything.

_Chihiro: _**There's not really very much to tell.  
**_Chihiro: _**We went to the library.**

_Risa: _Library?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, well, he asked what places I like to go to.  
**_Chihiro: _**I said I spend a lot of time in the library.**

_Risa: _You should have chosen something else.

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, maybe, but, …  
**_Chihiro: _**I didn't feel like it.**

_Risa: _What then?

_Chihiro: _**Nothing much, we were showing our favorite books to each other, mainly.  
**_Chihiro: _**He has read a lot, and I knew a lot of his favorites.  
**_Chihiro: _**I have a long list of what to read now.  
**_Chihiro: _**He said he'll read some of my favorites too.**

_Risa: _Books, well…  
_Risa: _What then?

_Chihiro: _**We talked in the cafeteria for an hour, or so.  
**_Chihiro: _**It was nice, but nothing more.**

_Risa: _What did you talk about?  
_Risa: _Did you tell him anything?

_Chihiro: _**Of course not.  
**_Chihiro: _**It was just small talk.**

_Risa: _What does he do? Is he into sports?

_Chihiro: _**I don't think so.  
**_Chihiro: _**He said he takes piano lessons.**

_Risa: _That can be the start of a nice evening, listening to him playing.

_Chihiro: _**He's a friend, nothing more.**

_Risa: _Well, there can always be more later.  
_Risa: _Go on.  
_Risa: _When was that?

_Chihiro: _**Let me think…  
**_Chihiro: _**Four weeks ago.  
**_Chihiro: _**We talked at school more, too.**

_Risa: _Ah…  
_Risa: _What do you talk about?

_Chihiro: _**Everything, actually.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't know, nature, politics, life, whatever comes to mind.  
**_Chihiro: _**He seemed like a nice guy.**

_Risa: _Seemed?

_Chihiro: _**Well, last week we had a fight.  
**_Chihiro: _**Not a real fight of course, but we were talking about our parents,  
**_Chihiro: _**and when I said my father is in the whaling business, he got angry.**

_Risa: _Angry?

_Chihiro: _**Well, sort of.  
**_Chihiro: _**He started talking about how they are an endangered species, and all.  
**_Chihiro: _**As if I wouldn't know that.**

_Risa: _A lot of people are sensible about those kind of issues.

_Chihiro: _**But I'm not my father. And he doesn't even know him.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't even think he knows what he's talking about.  
**_Chihiro: _**He's judging me by suspicions over my family.**

_Risa: _Like Romeo and Juliet – how romantic.

_Chihiro: _**Not at all like that.  
**_Chihiro: _**He hates me now.**

_Risa: _Why do you think that?  
_Risa: _Did he say that?

_Chihiro: _**No, but I'm sure he does after what I said to him.**

_Risa: _Wait, what did you say to him?

_Chihiro: _**That he's an idiot, and if he wants anything from my father, he shouldn't bother me.  
**_Chihiro: _**And he shouldn't bother me with anything any more.  
**_Chihiro: _**Something like that. It all went pretty fast.  
**_Chihiro: _**Then I left.**

_Risa: _I would have liked to hear that.  
_Risa: _Chihiro in rage.

_Chihiro: _**Well, he did hurt my feelings.**

_Risa: _I can tell, you don't have much experiences with boys yet.  
_Risa: _There's a lot for you to learn.  
_Risa: _I think I have to teach you.

_Chihiro: _**I don't want you to.**

_Risa: _You owe him an apology, you know that, don't you?

_Chihiro: _**I don't think so.**

_Risa: _Did you give him a chance to explain himself.  
_Risa: _What he really knows about whaling?

_Chihiro: _**Not really.**

_Risa: _Then you must talk to him, the sooner the better.

_Chihiro: _**He's not even home now.  
**_Chihiro: _**They spend the holidays away.**

_Risa: _That could be even better.  
_Risa: _It's more believable when you go into the trouble of finding him.  
_Risa: _Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

_Chihiro: _**I don't think I want to…**

_Risa: _It's not a question of wanting.  
_Risa: _Maybe he has a computer where he is, I'll give you his screen name.  
_Risa: _Hold on.  
_Risa: _It's **************.

(Translator note: Masaaki's personal data will not be made public)

_Risa: _Tell him you have it from me.  
_Risa: _Say "hi" from me.

_Chihiro: _**Why would I want to do this.**

_Risa: _Now listen.  
_Risa: _Didn't you say you want to live in this world?  
_Risa: _You don't have to forget the Spirit World, you can keep it.  
_Risa: _But to survive here you have to interact with others.

_Chihiro: _**I know that.**

_Risa: _But do you do that then?  
_Risa: _From what you told me you ran away.  
_Risa: _You'll never make any new friends that way.  
_Risa: _Even if you don't want a boyfriend, you need somebody you can trust, who can trust you, someday.  
_Risa: _When do you think starting with that?

_Chihiro: _**I can do that.**

_Risa: _Do you really?  
_Risa: _Doesn't really seem like it.  
_Risa: _But then you can apologize, right?

_Chihiro: _**Well,**

_Risa: _You don't have to say you are wrong, and he is right,  
_Risa: _But say, that you should have given him a chance to talk about it more.

_Chihiro: _**I guess you're right…**

_Risa: _I know I am right.  
_Risa: _Sometimes you have to work for appreciation.  
_Risa: _And there is no Haku anymore who tells you what to do.  
_Risa: _There are things to do, even if you don't want to do them.

_Chihiro: _**Like my trip to Zeniba…**

_Risa: _Exactly.  
_Risa: _And this is far easier.

_Chihiro: _**It's not that I don't want to do it.  
**_Chihiro: _**I just don't see, why.**

_Risa: _You really do spend a lot of time alone, don't you?  
_Risa: _That's fine with me, but when you meet others, don't expect things to always go smoothly from the start.  
_Risa: _Everybody is different, and it always takes effort to find out these things.

_Chihiro: _**I'll think about it.**

_Risa: _Do that.  
_Risa: _You don't want to live in your dreams all your live, do you?  
_Risa: _You said so yourself.

_Chihiro: _**My dreams, yeah.  
**_Chihiro: _**Sometimes I do wish they would go away.**

_Risa: _Do they still talk to you at night?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, more than ever.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's becoming more intensive every time.  
**_Chihiro: _**At least once a week.**

_Risa: _Tell me about it.

_Chihiro: _**Well,   
**_Chihiro: _**It's different from what it used to be years ago.  
**_Chihiro: _**I remember more in the mornings now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Especially Rin seems so be involved a lot.  
**_Chihiro: _**I can see, that there's more happiness now in the Spirits World.  
**_Chihiro: _**They seem to be more alive than ever.**

_Risa: _Alive?  
_Risa: _You see them more clearly now?

_Chihiro: _**That's not it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, that too, but that's not what I meant.  
**_Chihiro: _**It seems like they don't hate humans as much any more.  
**_Chihiro: _**Maybe they need us more than we know?**

_Risa: _What do you mean?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, well…  
**_Chihiro: _**The Spirit World wouldn't exist without this world.  
**_Chihiro: _**And maybe we wouldn't without them.  
**_Chihiro: _**I think they hated people, because we had forgotten about them.  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, most of us.  
**_Chihiro: _**Now people are aware of them again.**

_Risa: _But they don't believe, they think it's a story.

_Chihiro: _**That doesn't seem to make much difference.  
**_Chihiro: _**The mere thought is important.  
**_Chihiro: _**Of course there's no proof of this, it's just in my dreams.**

_Risa: _I think there is truth in the dreams.  
_Risa: _But tell me about Haku.

_Chihiro: _**You always think about boys, don't you?  
**_Chihiro: _**Yes, he's there, too, and he seems sad most of the time.  
**_Chihiro: _**He doesn't look a day older than back then.  
**_Chihiro: _**He's pale again…  
**_Chihiro: _**But I don't think there's another spell on him.  
**_Chihiro: _**He mostly only looks at me, and sometimes he smiles.  
**_Chihiro: _**It always reminds me of when I last saw him.  
**_Chihiro: _**He had promised, we'd meet again.  
**_Chihiro: _**He doesn't say anything now.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I think he would make it possible, if he only could.  
**_Chihiro: _**If only I'd find a way to go back there…**

_Risa: _You will one day.

_Chihiro: _**Maybe I'd tell him to leave me alone.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's harder to see him in my dreams, than to not see him at all.  
**_Chihiro: _**People will never understand me…**

_Risa: _You changed, Chihiro…

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, maybe I do change.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's almost four years now.  
**_Chihiro: _**If it weren't for my constant dreams, I'd have forgotten it all by now.**

_Risa: _You wouldn't have.

_Chihiro: _**Maybe not forgotten, but I wouldn't believe the Spirit World really existed.  
**_Chihiro: _**It always makes me sad thinking about it.**

_Risa: _You don't have to talk about it.

_Chihiro: _**But right now I want to.  
**_Chihiro: _**There isn't anyone else I can tell this.  
**_Chihiro: _**I cannot keep it to myself forever.**

_Risa: _Are you still seeing a psychologist?

_Chihiro: _**Not now, no, but maybe I'd want to again.  
**_Chihiro: _**Even if I don't listen to them, they listen to me.**

_Risa: _They don't ask the wrong questions…

_Chihiro: _**Mostly, yes. But it would be hard to find one, I guess.**

_Risa: _Why?

_Chihiro: _**Well, most of them are very sensitive about people making up stories.  
**_Chihiro: _**When they think you lie to them, they might drop you very fast.  
**_Chihiro: _**And who wouldn't think that I'm just one of those obsessed with the movie?**

_Risa: _I see.

_Chihiro: _**It would take some time again to convince them of my true past.  
**_Chihiro: _**I miss my first doctor.**

_Risa: _Too bad that's too far away.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah.**

_Risa: _Do you write diary?

_Chihiro: _**Not right now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, sometimes I'm writing down some stupid stuff, but it ends up in the litter box.**

_Risa: _Why don't you keep it?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, it's just words. And always the same stuff.  
**_Chihiro: _**About the world, and religions, and the Gods, and people.  
**_Chihiro: _**I want them all to live together.**

_Risa: _You should tell others.  
_Risa: _That seems interesting.

_Chihiro: _**Maybe, when I find a solution.  
**_Chihiro: _**But if there's a way for us to live in peace, don't you think, we'd have peace already?**

_Risa: _I don't know.  
_Risa: _Do you include your Spirit World, too?

_Chihiro: _**It's not MY Spirit World.  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, sure, Shinto is part of the religions of the world.  
**_Chihiro: _**But all of them seem connected.**

_Risa: _So, Buddha can take a bath in the bath house?

_Chihiro: _**Don't laugh!  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't know about that.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I believe there is some truth in everything.  
**_Chihiro: _**That's what Zeniba had told me.**

_Risa: _She told you about Buddha?

_Chihiro: _**Of course not.  
**_Chihiro: _**She taught me, that everything from our past still has effect on us.  
**_Chihiro: _**Our past and history.**

_Risa: _Is Kaonashi still with Zeniba?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know…**

_Risa: _Don't you see them in your dreams?

_Chihiro: _**My dreams are not like a movie!  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't see where they are or what they do.  
**_Chihiro: _**And time has a different meaning over there.**

_Risa: _I don't get it.  
_Risa: _Do you see them or not?

_Chihiro: _**I think I see them, but it all happens at the same time.  
**_Chihiro: _**At least when I wake up, I don't know what was first and what came last.**

_Risa: _But while you were there, it was different?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, time seemed normal, but I think mostly to me.  
**_Chihiro: _**Time has little meaning to them.**

_Risa: _Well, *Time has little to do with infinity and Jelly Doughnuts*.

(Translator note: this quote was written in English.)

_Chihiro: _**What's that?**

_Risa: _Oh, I saw it somewhere on a webpage.  
_Risa: _Don't know where it's from.

(Note: Magnum p.i., season 5, episode 22 (last episode), "Limbo", first broadcasted 1987)

_Chihiro: _**What does it say?**

_Risa: _I thought you like foreign languages.  
_Risa: _Isn't that one of your hobbies?

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, but I don't know what *infinity* means.**

_Risa: _*infinity* means "Mugen". I had to look it up, too.

_Chihiro: _**Still don't really get the quote.**

_Risa: _I think that's the point.  
_Risa: _Time is much different from anything else.

_Chihiro: _**Oh, now I see.  
**_Chihiro: _**Yes, time is hard to describe, I guess.  
**_Chihiro: _**But what were we talking about?**

_Risa: _Your dreams…

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, those dreams…  
**_Chihiro: _**I can't get them out of my head, even during the days.**

_Risa: _You think of Haku…

_Chihiro: _**I think of Rin, mostly.  
**_Chihiro: _**Somehow I wish she'd get her name back as well,  
**_Chihiro: _**She always wanted to see that city…  
**_Chihiro: _**She thinks a lot of me.**

_Risa: _How nice.  
_Risa: _What does she say?

_Chihiro: _**Well, I think she wants to make sure I'm alright.  
**_Chihiro: _**They always have a lot of work, it seems.  
**_Chihiro: _**She thinks of me when she sees the train passing by…**

_Risa: _Why doesn't she just get on?

_Chihiro: _**Where would she go anyway?  
**_Chihiro: _**She'd have to be back in the evenings, she can't break her contract.  
**_Chihiro: _**Yubaaba would find her anywhere.  
**_Chihiro: _**But the train goes more often now.**

_Risa: _Why is that?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, maybe…  
**_Chihiro: _**It's like I said before, the Spirit World is more alive now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Ever since the movie came out.**

_Risa: _You think the movie made such a big difference?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, it seems like it.**

_Risa: _Do they know about the movie, about how famous they are?

_Chihiro: _**I don't really think so, I can't directly tell them anything.  
**_Chihiro: _**But they sure know about the change that is in progress.**

_Risa: _What change?  
_Risa: _The movie didn't change anything…

_Chihiro: _**I don't know how to explain.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's like they are making stronger connections to our world.  
**_Chihiro: _**Like a comeback.**

_Risa: _You're kidding.  
_Risa: _People will start living with eight million Gods again?  
_Risa: _I'd pray to Haku…

_Chihiro: _**No, I'm not talking about religion.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or maybe I am, but it's different.  
**_Chihiro: _**People start seeing their history in another light again.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's like our past is changing.**

_Risa: _Changing the past…  
_Risa: _You sure are confusing.

_Chihiro: _**I don't know how else to describe it.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'll tell you when I have figured it out myself.**

_Risa: _Do that.  
_Risa: _Say hi to them from me.  
_Risa: _At least Haku should still know who I am,  
_Risa: _The one that gave you the farewell card…

_Chihiro: _**You and Haku…  
**_Chihiro: _**Don't worry, I'll introduce you when he comes here.**

_Risa: _Don't always take me seriously.  
_Risa: _You really should have some more fun.  
_Risa: _And don't forget Masaaki.

_Chihiro: _**I won't.**

_Risa: _What are you planning the next days?

_Chihiro: _**Nothing much.  
**_Chihiro: _**Maybe we'll go to Tokyo.  
**_Chihiro: _**Else, spending some time with my mom, and a few relatives are coming for visits.**

_Risa: _Any that I know?

_Chihiro: _**Don't think so.**

_Risa: _Anyway, enjoy the rest of the year, and hopefully we'll hear from each other again soon.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah.  
**_Chihiro: _**Same to you.  
**_Chihiro: _**Have a nice week. Anything planned?**

_Risa: _I will. We're making a trip up to the mountains.

_Chihiro: _**That's nice.  
**_Chihiro: _**Have fun.**

_Risa: _Thanks.  
_Risa: _See ya around.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, bye.**

_Risa: _Bye.


	6. January 3rd, 2002

**January 3, 2002  
Fifth Log: Chihiro and Masaaki**

* * *

_Chihiro: _**Hello, Masaaki.  
**_Chihiro:_** It's Chihiro from school.**

_Masaaki:_ Hi Chihiro!  
_Masaaki:_ What a surprise!  
_Masaaki:_ Happy New Year!

_Chihiro:_** Happy New Year!  
**_Chihiro:_** And thank you for the New Year's Card.  
**_Chihiro:_** I'm sorry, I didn't send you one.**

(Translator note: It is a tradition in Japan to send New Year's cards, "Nengajo".)

_Masaaki:_ That's ok, you don't know my address here.  
_Masaaki: _I didn't know you had my screen name.

_Chihiro: _**I got it from Risa.  
**_Chihiro: _**You remember her?**

_Masaaki: _Sure I do.  
_Masaaki: _What a coincidence, I just thought of her.

_Chihiro: _**Really? Why?**

_Masaaki: _I got the book "Install" from Risa Wataya from my uncle.  
_Masaaki: _Just the name resemblance.

_Chihiro: _**Oh, that book.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's quite popular now.**

(Translator note: Risa Wataya won with her first novel "Install" ("Instoru") the prestigious Japanese Bungei Literary Award 2001 being only 17 years old. The book came out November 2001 and sold 150,000 copies in the first three months.)

_Chihiro: _**Did you take a look at it yet?**

_Masaaki: _Not much.

_Chihiro: _**I'm not sure whether I'm interested in reading about Internet chat rooms…**

_Masaaki: _You're chatting right now!

_Chihiro: _**I know, but, I don't do it much.**

_Masaaki: _What an honor for me.

_Chihiro: _**Actually I wanted to talk to you about something.  
**_Chihiro: _**Do you remember the last time we talked at school?**

_Masaaki: _Sure I do, and I'm sorry for having said what I did.

_Chihiro: _**I want to apologize, too.  
**_Chihiro: _**I shouldn't have run away like I did.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's hard for me to talk about my dad's job.**

_Masaaki: _I can imagine.  
_Masaaki: _I've done some reading too, about CITES and the IWC, like you said.  
_Masaaki: _It seems the whole thing is quite complex.

(Note: CITES: Convention on the International Trade in Endangered Species, IWC: International Whaling Commission.)

_Chihiro: _**It's not all black and white.  
**_Chihiro: _**And my dad is not a whaler, he's also in research.**

_Masaaki: _The "Scientific Whaling"…

_Chihiro: _**Yes, but he's not out on the ships. He travels a lot.  
**_Chihiro: _**We all want to stop whaling, but we know so little about it all.  
**_Chihiro: _**And there are many different opinions about it all.  
**_Chihiro: _**Did you know, there are about 100 different species of whales, dolphins and porpoises?  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, we have to know more about their environment.  
**_Chihiro: _**On the other hand, it really is wrong to kill them, I believe that just like you.**

_Masaaki: _That's all true.

_Chihiro: _**My dad also tries to negotiate between the countries, so results of all the research is shared.  
**_Chihiro: _**I admit, there are people who think quite different.  
**_Chihiro: _**But even those aren't all bad, I guess.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm sorry, I always get excited when I talk about this.**

_Masaaki: _That's ok.

_Chihiro: _**Maybe we can meet sometime and talk about it more.  
**_Chihiro: _**Although even my father doesn't tell me all…**

_Masaaki: _I'd like to.  
_Masaaki: _Where does your father travel to?

_Chihiro: _**Norway and Germany mostly, also Iceland, and to the USA.  
**_Chihiro: _**He speaks fluently Norwegian, and I learn from him.**

_Masaaki: _You speak Norwegian?

_Chihiro: _**Not a lot yet, but it's very interesting.  
**_Chihiro: _**Did you know they actually have two versions of the language?  
**_Chihiro: _**An old and a new one, although the new one is actually the older one.  
**_Chihiro: _**And both are used today.**

_Masaaki: _I don't quite get it, but it sounds interesting.

_Chihiro: _**I'll explain it to you, if you like.  
**_Chihiro: _**I like languages, they are all different.  
**_Chihiro: _**Like if they were alive.  
**_Chihiro: _**My dad sometimes brings foreign books home from his travels.  
**_Chihiro: _**Then I look at all those words and hope one day I will know what they mean.**

_Masaaki: _I only know English so far…

_Chihiro: _**That's an important language.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'd like to make an exchange year, later.**

_Masaaki: _Where, in America?

_Chihiro: _**Maybe, I don't know yet.  
**_Chihiro: _**Maybe in Norway.  
**_Chihiro: _**But their school year is always from summer till summer…**

(Translator note: The Japanese school year always starts April 1st. Spring vacation is usually from March 26th to April 5th.)

_Masaaki: _That seems to be a dream of you, doesn't it?

_Chihiro: _**No, not really, my dreams are different.**

_Masaaki: _Did you dream anything yesterday?

_Chihiro: _**Yeah.  
**_Chihiro: _**Did you?**

_Masaaki: _I know I had a strange dream, but I can't seem to remember any of it.  
_Masaaki: _It was like from another world.

_Chihiro: _**I know what you mean.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't always remember mine very clearly.**

_Masaaki: _So you too don't really remember yesterday's dream?

_Chihiro: _**No yesterday's dream I remember quite well.**

(Translator note: There is believe in Japan that the first dream of the new year (January 1st to January 2nd) is of importance.)

_Masaaki: _Tell me about it.

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, it's quite personal.**

_Masaaki: _Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude you.

_Chihiro: _**That's ok, it was nothing embarrassing.  
**_Chihiro: _**It was pretty short, but I dreamt it several times that night.**

_Masaaki: _Always the same?

_Chihiro: _**Yes. It started with Mount Fuji, and a hawk flying up high.  
**_Chihiro: _**Then Mount Fuji changed into another mountain, with lots of ice.  
**_Chihiro: _**Maybe even a volcano.  
**_Chihiro: _**And the hawk changed into a dragon.  
**_Chihiro: _**When the dragon came close to me, I always woke up.**

_Masaaki: _Hm…  
_Masaaki: _I don't know what that means.  
_Masaaki: _But Mount Fuji is a good sign, don't you think?

_Chihiro: _**Maybe.  
**_Chihiro: _**I hope so.  
**_Chihiro: _**I dream a lot, but not of Mount Fuji.**

_Masaaki: _I believe, there is some truth in dreams.

_Chihiro: _**I believe so too.**

_Masaaki: _I hope your dreams will come true one day.

_Chihiro: _**I hope so too.  
**_Chihiro: _**What are your dreams about?**

_Masaaki: _Oh, all kinds of stuff.  
_Masaaki: _Mostly weird stuff, that wouldn't come true anyway.  
_Masaaki: _I'd like to become a professional musician.  
_Masaaki: _I decided yesterday to start learning playing the Koto.  
_Masaaki: _Maybe it was part of my dream, I'm not sure.

_Chihiro: _**I like traditional music.**

_Masaaki: _Hey, you dreamt of a dragon, and a Koto is like a dragon.  
_Masaaki: _Quite a coincidence, don't you think?

(Translator note: the Koto is a traditional Japanese instrument with 13 string, between 60 and 80 inches long. Some parts of the Koto are named after a dragon: Ryuko (dragon's back), Ryubi (dragon's tail) and Tsume (claws). Japanese schools are starting to teach more traditional music now.)

_Chihiro: _**There is often meaning in coincidences.  
**_Chihiro: _**Even if we don't see it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Will you learn in High School, or take private lessons?**

_Masaaki: _I think I didn't tell you yet.  
_Masaaki: _I'll be visiting the High School here, and move to my grandparents.

_Chihiro: _**You're moving away?  
**_Chihiro: _**Why?**

_Masaaki: _The High School here is much better in teaching music. There are more clubs, too.  
_Masaaki: _I have better chances after school.  
_Masaaki: _And I still know some friends from when I lived here.

_Chihiro: _**Oh,  
**_Chihiro: _**I wish you luck, then.**

_Masaaki: _Thanks,  
_Masaaki: _I won't be going until April, of course.  
_Masaaki: _Do you know yet, which High School you want to attend?

_Chihiro: _**Not really, I still have a year left to think about it.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I guess I'll visit the local one here.**

(Note: the actual name of the High School was mentioned, but will not be made public.)

_Masaaki: _Yeah, it's not that important yet.  
_Masaaki: _What you do after High School is far more significant.

_Chihiro: _**I don't know about that, either.  
**_Chihiro: _**There're always a lot of thoughts in my head.**

_Masaaki: _I'd like to hear them.  
_Masaaki: _We can always chat online, after I move away.

_Chihiro: _**I know, but…  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't like it that very much.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'd rather write emails, gives me more time to think what I write.**

_Masaaki: _Fine with me.  
_Masaaki: _Did you do anything special to celebrate New Year?

_Chihiro: _**Yes.  
**_Chihiro: _**Yesterday I traveled with my mom to see the "Sumida River Shichifukujin", that was a wish of mine.**

_Masaaki: _How was it?

_Chihiro: _**It was nice, but really crowded.  
**_Chihiro: _**Especially the Mimeguri Shrine.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't like crowded places so very much.**

(Translator note: Shichifukujin (The Seven Deities of Good Fortune) are displayed in Shrines and Temples throughout Japan at the beginning of each year, mostly one of the Gods dedicated to one location. The Mimeguri Shrine, starting point of the Sumida River Shichifukujin in Tokyo, is one of the oldest and most popular ones.)

_Masaaki: _Me neither.  
_Masaaki: _Although I think it's good, that people remember their roots and traditions.

_Chihiro: _**Yes, I think so too.  
**_Chihiro: _**I wish they wouldn't only think of it once a year.  
**_Chihiro: _**During the rest of the year people have other things on their minds.**

_Masaaki: _That's true.  
_Masaaki: _Well, the world is difficult enough with what there is to think of every day.  
_Masaaki: _They all have their own problems.

_Chihiro: _**I guess so.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't blame them.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'd like to live somewhere with only few people around.**

_Masaaki: _Well, we have a rather dense population here in Japan.  
_Masaaki: _You can move to the north, into the mountains.

_Chihiro: _**I don't know.  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, I don't have to decide yet.**

_Masaaki: _Right.  
_Masaaki: _Oh, my family is calling me, it's time to go.

_Chihiro: _**Ok, see you then at school, I guess.**

_Masaaki: _Yes, until then.

_Chihiro: _**Bye.**

_Masaaki: _Bye.


	7. April to July, 2002

**April to June 2002  
Emails part one: Chihiro and Masaaki**

* * *

Date: 2002/04/21  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Hello

Hi, Chihiro.

How are you doing? How does it feel, being one of the oldest now? Have you joined all the clubs you said you would? Is the lunch still the same each week?

I guess you'd like to hear about my school. It's really nice, it seems the others aren't any more advanced than I am. I also like being with some old friends again.

Music is really popular here, I like that. The choir is really good, and I think I'll learn a lot. I also have a new private piano teacher, and she really is very good. She has studied in Russia, too, and I like what she's told me so far. The Russian way is quite different.

I miss our meetings at the library. I hope you find a new partner to talk to, as for me, my old friends aren't really interested in talking about religions and languages and music that much. And the Ocean Life. But the year has just started, there are many new faces here.

Say hi to your mom from me, I hope she remembers me.

Masaaki.

Date: 2002/04/24  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Re: Hello

**Hello Masaaki.**

**I'm fine, glad to hear you like the new school. Everything is the same here, still, as always. Nothing really changes.**

**Yes, I joined the swimming club, and it's nice. Years ago I had been a little afraid of the water, since I fell into a river when I was very small. But that fear is gone.**

**I miss the talking, too. Now when I sit in the library I sometimes watch others while they are so very busy. They don't seem to be very interested in the things I like. Well, maybe I just don't give them a chance.**

**I got that children's book in Norwegian from my father, and I'm translating it, word for word, when I have time. That's very slow, but the grammar is similar to English. I know I could just get the Japanese translation for comparison, but I don't want to.**

**Are you doing anything during the "Golden Week"? My mom and I are not doing anything special. Of course she remembers when you were at our house. She sends greetings too.**

**What is different about the Russian way of playing the piano?**

**Bye, Chihiro**

(Translator note: End of April and beginning of May are a few national holidays (Greenery Day, First Day of May, Constitution Memorial Day, Children's Day), and this time is referred to as "Golden Week")

Date: 2002/05/06  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Hello again

Hi,

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, I've been quite busy. My parents were here for almost two weeks, and we've visited places and relatives. And every day I practice the piano.

The Russian way of playing? I'm not sure yet, if I can explain it so well. It's a difference in touching the keys. I was taught before to let the whole body participate in the music, but now I'm supposed to concentrate all my strength in just the fingertips. It is much like sports. Not like any sport, but where you have to concentrate your body. Everything is much more under control, and feelings are directed in just one direction. Towards the instrument. It is a much more forceful way of playing. I wish I could do it, but I'm just beginning to grasp the idea of it. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? 

I'm not good in writing emails, I'd rather just talk. Maybe we could meet on Saturday, I'll be over at my parents the next weekend. I'll call you Friday night.

Bye, Masaaki

(Note: In 2002, May 12th was Mother's Day)

Date: 2002/05/08  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Re: Hello again

**Hey, Masaaki.**

**Yes, it would be very nice to meet on Saturday. Please call me.**

**That description of playing the piano is very interesting. So the concentration for music and sport could be similar? Sounds logical. Maybe there's a connection to meditation as well, and even religion. The power of the mind seems overwhelming, but I can't even always concentrate my own thoughts.**

**Until Saturday, Chihiro**

Date: 2002/05/21  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Midterm tests

Hi, Chihiro.

I suppose you are studying for the midterm exams. I've done a lot of studying too, and I feel like my head is exploding any minute now. But when I've done too much reading, I just play the piano, and vice versa.

I've been thinking about what we talked about when we met, the part about religions and Shinto. A few movies that deal with this come to my mind now, I don't know if you like any of them. You said you don't like very many movies, but why exactly is that?

You could tell me a movie you really do like, or that surprised you. That made you feel something. Then I'll tell you mine.

It was really hot here already, felt a lot like summer. Sometimes I think the weather is going crazy. And everyone is so fanatical about the Soccer World Cup, I wish it were over already.

Masaaki

Date: 2002/05/25  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Movies

**Hi, Masaaki.**

**Yes, I'm busy with midterm tests. But writing to you is a little chance to think of something else.**

**Why I don't like movies? I guess it's because they never feel real to me. Dialogs seem false, artificial, and everybody always know when the other person finished talking so they can say their lines. Nobody seems to think first, they always know what to say, and they don't correct themselves. A lot of novels are that way, too.**

**The world of fiction is another world. It's a nice world, mostly, but for almost everything that happens there, you can find a purpose. There's a beginning and an end. Even documentaries just pick the interesting parts of a topic, and put it together in a way so a special meaning gets across.**

**While listening to others talking, did you ever think of how it would look, if every sentence they said would be written in a book? I don't mean speeches or discussions, I mean everyday conversation. Written down it would probably be totally boring, with repetitions and stupid remarks. Of course there are movies and books that use exactly this style, but I know what reality is like, I don't have to read about it.**

**I used to like fairy tales a lot, and fantastic stories. Maybe it all happens in cycles, at least with me. There are times when I read everything that takes me away from this world, just to escape. At other times I really want to be realistic, keep both feet on the ground, stop dreaming. I think right now I'm still filled with stories from earlier years, so I don't need any new ones. **

**A movie I like? An exception? There are some. My dad brought me a DVD from Germany last year, a film whose title means "Enlightenment Guaranteed". I don't understand the dialogs, except the Japanese parts, but my dad explained and translated most of it for me. It's about two German guys who visit a temple in Monzen. It's funny at times, but that's not the point. The whole thing is made like it really has happened, and there was a camera along. It was refreshing to see such a film for a change. Those will never be successful, though.**

**It's the same with everything that's on TV. I especially hate being pressed into the time frame. In a book I can read as fast or slow as I like, I can think along. I know I can pause a DVD, but that's not the same.**

**What movie do you like? Or better yet, tell me a movie you liked and you think that I wouldn't like it. **

**I've got to get back to my work, see ya,**

**Chihiro**

(Note: "Erleuchtung Garantiert" / "Enlightenment Guaranteed" (2000) is a German movie by Doris Dörrie.)

Date: 2002/06/02  
To: Chihiro  
From: Mazaaki  
Subject: Re: Movies

Hi, Chihiro.

A movie I think you wouldn't like? But that I liked? That's a hard question.

I guess I'll choose "South Park: Longer, Bigger & Uncut". I don't think you've seen it, but you must have heard of South Park, right? I'm not a South Park fan at all, I've seen maybe 5 episodes in my life. The series is stupid, I think.

In my opinion, the South Park movie is like one of those great musicals "Les Miserables" and Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. It is shorter, but the pacing and development in musical terms are very similar. It's hard to see, I guess, and people who like musicals mostly aren't interested in South Park. And South Park fans don't know that much about music. Well, it did get awards and nominations for its music, as I found out later.

They added to the great music a superficial story, without consideration for language or moral, and the simple animation creates one of the greatest contrasts I've ever experienced anywhere. The music is much more advanced than all other animations, the way they composed it. Different themes are developed and used throughout the film at the right points, I think you can analyze it just like any classical symphony. You have to ignore the lyrics, of course.

I don't really laugh when I watch the South Park movie, it's like I'm beyond the jokes, I just sit back and enjoy it as a whole. I'm glad we have a good speaker system here.

Another movie I liked, is "Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi". But on the other end of the scale, since there's no contrast, it's all harmony. You know it, don't you? Have you seen it? You said you don't like fantastic stories much any more, but this one you might actually like. It's about a girl, with the same name as you, that gets trapped in the World of Gods and Spirits. It's really colorful, and the music is great too. You probably know it, but I'm not sure, and I don't want to tell you any spoilers. That girl reminds me of you in a way, not only the name. I believe the DVD comes out this summer.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Masaaki

(Translator note: "Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi" is usually translated as "Spirited Away", except here. When it is referred to as "Sen", the translation will be "Sen" as well.)

Date: 2002/06/04  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Sen

**Hi Masaaki.**

**Midterm exams are over now, and I'm glad. I did alright, but I think I could have done better. I know I shouldn't spend so much time learning other things, like languages and philosophy. They all start asking about my plans after the year, but I still haven't made up my mind. I feel like I'm still waiting for a sign.**

**Yes, I'm quite familiar with "Spirited Away". It is a very deep story, and there is more truth in it than most people see. Although, I don't talk about it a lot. I don't like the success it got, and that some people think they know all about it, about the characters and backgrounds. They know all about Kaonashi, about Haku, they even write about what happened after Chihiro returned back to her world. In one sentence: they THINK too much. They should just let the story make an impression on their mind, and let their feelings guide them.**

**I mean, it is very good when they think about their traditions. But they should try to relate the things they see in the movie to the world around them right now, there are clues everywhere. But most build a new world in their head, where magic happens every day, maybe even without any evil. They live like in a computer game. **

**Miracles happen, even in this world, I guess, but they are hard to spot, and never to proof.**

**What I've learned from "Sen" is that it is more important to take one step at a time, and not to think of the big goal all the time. Very often you have to forget a problem to be able to solve it. But never forget your name, or where you come from. The more you push forward, the more you get pushed back. Confidence and belief is very important.**

**It is nice that you liked "Sen", I liked "Sen" too. Maybe one day we can talk about it more.**

**Bye, Chihiro**

Date: 2002/06/13  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Spirited Away

Hi.

I thought you would like "Sen". I've only seen it once, and I thought it was good, but I didn't understand all the hype it got. On the other hand, if I think of what kind of movies the other choices to watch are, I begin to understand. I wish there'd be more films like "Sen". Well, there probably are, but they are hard to spot.

I don't blame people who wish that the story of "Spirited Away" were true. I kind of hope it myself, or at least that there is a little more truth in it than most people believe. But if I start imagining Sen in this world, then I see an animated 10 year old girl in the streets, like Roger Rabbit in his movie.

On the other hand, I sort of wish I myself could make an experience like that, I would have something very special. The problem might be, that others would never believe me, if I had no proof. And probably, even if I had proof, they wouldn't believe if they couldn't go there themselves.

But don't worry, I'm not obsessed with the movie like some others, and I never will be.

The pool season started now, right? I guess it's pretty cold, after all this rain.

By the way, how is Risa doing?

Bye, Masaaki

Date: 2002/06/17  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Pool Season

**Hi, Masaaki.**

**Yes, the pool season started despite the rain. But I'm not afraid of cold water, I jumped in right away. I love swimming very much, and I often stay inside until I'm blue. When I swim I can pretend there is nobody else, because I hear and see only the water, and the place I swim to.**

**But the cleaning was real torture again. I actually felt like Sen in the movie, while I was inside the pool cleaning the sides. I'm glad the pool is drained just once a year.**

**I think it is very hard to imagine how it would have been, had somebody really made the experiences Chihiro had made in "Spirited Away". But probably, Chihiro wouldn't fit into this world. She would have to deny who she is, and live just with the memory. It's like you said: nobody would believe her. Hopefully she would just forget it. But maybe she has dreams, that remind her.**

**As for Risa, I didn't have much contact to her lately. I went to her birthday last month, but else she's very busy with her boyfriend most of the time. We used to have a lot in common in Elementary School, but now we are pretty different. It is nice to talk to her from time to time, because we share some memories, and there are things I can only tell her, and sometimes I miss having a friend like her.**

**If you visit your parents, please give me a call. But I guess you'll be busy with the Final Exams now, right?**

**Bye, Chihiro.**

(Translator note: I am not sure about the "pool cleaning" at this specific school. The swimming season is generally from mid June until mid September, but how students (or only members of the swimming club) are generally involved in the cleaning may differ from school to school. My school didn't have a pool of its own.)

Date: 2002/07/19  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: School is over

Hello Chihiro.

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, but as you know I've been busy a lot. I didn't forget you, though. It is nice to think of the vacation now. How was your last day of school? My parents are coming here first, but in a few weeks I'll be at my parents place, and if you're home too, we should definitely meet. I really miss our talking.

One thing I want to tell you is about the movie "Spirited Away". I got the DVD today, and while seeing it I was constantly reminded of you. I don't know how much you remember from when you saw it, but did you notice all the little similarities in the film?

The biggest surprise was right in the beginning, when I saw "Risa" written on the farewell card. Just like with you, your friend is Risa too. And then the car, when I met your father there was an Audi in the driveway, even an imported one from Germany. I've never been in a car where the steering wheel is on the left, that's why I remembered. And you dream of dragons – Haku is a dragon! And didn't you say you once almost drowned when you were really young?

Well, it's all no big thing, you're older than Chihiro anyway, but I don't know whether you've noticed it, since you've never talked about it. I thought I just wanted to tell you about this.

Guess we'll see each other in a few weeks. I'll return the books I borrowed from you then. I'm sorry I kept them so long, I hope you didn't need them.

Until then, Masaaki.

Date: 2002/07/25  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Call me!

Hi, Chihiro.

I tried to call you today, but nobody's home. There's something I'd like to talk about. When you're home, please call me, or you can reach me online. Don't worry, it's nothing serious, just something that's on my mind right now.

It feels strange that you don't have a cell phone yet, but I don't mind.

Hope to hear from you soon, Masaaki.


	8. July 25th, 2002, part 1

**July 25, 2002  
Sixth Log: Chihiro and Masaaki**

* * *

_Chihiro:_** Hello, Masaaki.**

_Masaaki:_ Hi, Chihiro.  
_Masaaki:_ I'm glad you got my mail.

_Chihiro:_** I just read it.  
**_Chihiro:_** Did anything happen?**

_Masaaki:_ No, don't worry.  
_Masaaki:_ But yesterday I found out something I really want to talk about.  
_Masaaki:_ I hope you don't mind.

_Chihiro:_** What is it?**

_Masaaki: _Actually it's two things.  
_Masaaki: _Well, Monday I started working on my homework, and I do most of my work in the library here.  
_Masaaki: _You should see it, the building is really big, you'd like it.

(Translator note: during Japanese summer vacation some homework is usually assigned.)

_Chihiro:_** I know I said I'd visit you, I will one day.**

_Masaaki: _Don't worry.  
_Masaaki: _Well, I'm not quite sure how to ask this now.  
_Masaaki: _I was looking up old newspapers for my work, and then the "Spirited Away" story popped into my head.  
_Masaaki: _I thought, wouldn't it be funny to find an article about a "magical disappearance" in it?  
_Masaaki: _And I found something in ********, four years ago. Although they didn't describe it that magical, more dramatic.  
_Masaaki: _That was you, wasn't it? Your family?  
_Masaaki: _Everything fits.

(Note: the location will not be made public)

_Chihiro:_** Well yes, I guess you found the tragedy from the past of our family.**

_Masaaki: _I remember something Risa said, about a family tragedy, but…  
_Masaaki: _I really hope you don't mind talking about it.

_Chihiro:_** No, it's ok, now that you've found out.  
**_Chihiro:_** Actually I'm a little glad.**

_Masaaki: _I really understand if you don't want everyone to know.  
_Masaaki: _I won't tell anyone.

_Chihiro:_** Thanks.  
**_Chihiro:_** Well, it's not really a secret,  
**_Chihiro:_** But I don't usually talk about it.**

_Masaaki: _I can imagine that.  
_Masaaki: _I suppose I'm waking up old memories here.  
_Masaaki: _Sure you don't mind?

_Chihiro:_** Yeah, I'm sure.  
**_Chihiro:_** You're not waking up much, it's been awake all the time.**

_Masaaki: _You talk about it with Risa, I suppose.

_Chihiro:_** Well, we used to, but recently not so much any more.**

_Masaaki: _The other thing I want to ask, well,  
_Masaaki: _Is the movie really based on your tragedy?

_Chihiro:_** Well, yes, it's a bit complicated, but my parents sold the story.  
**_Chihiro:_** We really needed the money at that time.**

_Masaaki: _They are talking about hallucinations and a trauma…  
_Masaaki: _But I'd like to believe there's really more to it, like in the movie.  
_Masaaki: _I mean it all makes sense:  
_Masaaki: _Your views of the world, your dreams,  
_Masaaki: _I really believe this could be possible.

_Chihiro:_** Then you're different than most people.  
**_Chihiro:_** Most people I know are thinking:  
**_Chihiro:_** If they can't experience it themselves, then it doesn't really exist.**

_Masaaki: _I know, we've talked before about Gods and Spirits really existing.

_Chihiro:_** Well, we all take the information we get from the world, from others.  
**_Chihiro:_** And then we build our own opinions about it.  
**_Chihiro:_** And if something doesn't fit we either ignore it,  
**_Chihiro:_** Or say it's a lie.**

_Masaaki: _To most people it wouldn't make a difference whether you made the story up,  
_Masaaki: _Or whether it really happened.  
_Masaaki: _They'd always choose the version that fits into their view of the world.  
_Masaaki: _No matter how often you tell them the other one is true.

_Chihiro:_** To me it makes a difference. What is the truth anyway?  
**_Chihiro:_** Are we created by the world?  
**_Chihiro:_** I'd like to believe the other version is also true:  
**_Chihiro:_** That we also make up the world around us and our mind creates the things that are real.**

_Masaaki:_ Does that make sense?  
_Masaaki: _But I'd like to ask a question, if you don't mind me asking.

_Chihiro:_** Go ahead.**

_Masaaki: _How much of your experience went into the movie?  
_Masaaki: _How much of the movie is true?

_Chihiro:_** Most of the movie is what I experienced, except for a some details of course.  
**_Chihiro:_** They wanted to add a few of their own ideas, too, like the Susuwatari.  
**_Chihiro:_** But there was much more, that they didn't use at all.**

(Note: Susuwatari is the Japanese name of the "Sootballs". They had appeared in earlier movies, too.)

_Masaaki: _They said you were gone three months?  
_Masaaki: _You missed a whole term…

(Translator note: the school year is divided into three terms, the first one being from April until mid July.)

_Chihiro:_** It was fifth grade.  
**_Chihiro:_** Yes, and my experience there felt also like three months.  
**_Chihiro:_** They never say in the movie it's not three weeks, and you can tell by the car in the end that it's been more than a few days.**

_Masaaki: _But the whole building looks different in the end.

_Chihiro:_** We entered the Spirit World somewhere inside the forest,  
**_Chihiro:_** when we reached the building, it was a building of the bath house complex already.**

_Masaaki: _That's why it seemed new…

_Chihiro:_** Do you remember the inscription over the entrance of the tunnel?  
**_Chihiro:_** My parents didn't notice it, but I thought it was strange.  
**_Chihiro:_** It was a sign of the bath house, I think. **

_Masaaki: _Do you think you traveled into another time?

_Chihiro:_** No, there were toys in the playroom that looked quite modern.  
**_Chihiro:_** They knew about our world, and how it is today.  
**_Chihiro:_** That's why most of them didn't like humans.**

_Masaaki: _Because people forget about their world?

_Chihiro:_** Maybe, but it's hard to say exactly.  
**_Chihiro:_** There isn't always a clear reason for everything.**

_Masaaki: _I'm sorry, I'm still very confused.  
_Masaaki: _There's a lot on my mind right now.  
_Masaaki: _It's like I see the whole picture in a jig saw puzzle for the first time.  
_Masaaki: _But there are still a lot of pieces missing.

_Chihiro:_** Even if you'd knew everything I know, there'd still be a lot missing.  
**_Chihiro:_** There's ALWAYS more.  
**_Chihiro:_** I haven't talked about it for quite a while,  
**_Chihiro:_** It feels good actually.**

_Masaaki: _What about your parents?  
_Masaaki: _You can talk to them, they understand you, don't they?

_Chihiro:_** They try to.  
**_Chihiro:_** But they have no memory of what happened to them.**

_Masaaki: _That they were pigs…

_Chihiro:_** It's better this way, I suppose.**

_Masaaki: _I think I'll never really understand what it means to you.

_Chihiro:_** Yes, I too think nobody will ever come close to understanding.**

_Masaaki: _People might have laughed at your story…

_Chihiro:_** Yes, most of them did, I felt that.  
**_Chihiro:_** Even if they didn't show it.  
**_Chihiro:_** Well, they thought the story was great.  
**_Chihiro:_** But they laughed when I insisted it is true.**

_Masaaki: _I think I would laugh too, if I wouldn't know you.  
_Masaaki: _But everything we ever talked about fits into this picture.  
_Masaaki: _It all makes sense.

_Chihiro:_** I wish it would make sense to me…  
**_Chihiro:_** I felt for a while now like I should tell you.**

_Masaaki: _It would have sounded strange hearing it from you.  
_Masaaki: _I guess it's good I found this article myself.  
_Masaaki: _I sort of don't understand why wanted them to make a movie of it..

_Chihiro:_** I was ten at the time it happened.  
**_Chihiro:_** Actually my parents made the decision.  
**_Chihiro:_** Everyone told us the story I'm telling is like from a movie.  
**_Chihiro:_** I thought everyone believed me, while they were writing it down.  
**_Chihiro:_** They probably just thought I had a vivid imagination.**

_Masaaki: _Do you regret it now?

_Chihiro:_** I don't know, not really.  
**_Chihiro:_** The movie is very good, and it's something really special for me.  
**_Chihiro:_** That way I can share my experiences without making it look ridiculous.**

_Masaaki: _Oh, yeah.  
_Masaaki: _Even if nobody believes it is real, details will stick in their minds.  
_Masaaki: _It might change their way of thinking, even...

_Chihiro:_** Hopefully.  
**_Chihiro:_** And maybe one day the world will change a little bit.**

_Masaaki: _You mean, that people accept more than what can be scientifically proven?

_Chihiro:_** Yes,  
**_Chihiro:_** It is important to forget about logic once in a while.  
**_Chihiro:_** And that every person is different.  
**_Chihiro:_** What is visible to one might be invisible to others.**

_Masaaki: _That's why those things can't yet be proven.

_Chihiro:_** And never will.  
**_Chihiro:_** But they can be accepted.  
**_Chihiro:_** It's all about acknowledging the other one's beliefs and religion.**

_Masaaki: _I know, you taught me that.  
_Masaaki: _I'm thinking of all the people who had "experiences", that cannot be explained.  
_Masaaki: _They all get laughed at.

_Chihiro:_** I think there's much more than in the daily news.  
**_Chihiro:_** All around the world there are different beliefs, and who's to say what is the truth?  
**_Chihiro:_** In a way, science is just a religion, one way of believing.**

_Masaaki: _One way of describing how the universe works.  
_Masaaki: _And not the only one.

_Chihiro:_** And not a perfect one.  
**_Chihiro:_** I start to think, what if they are all true?**

_Masaaki: _But that's not possible,  
_Masaaki: _Too many contradictions.

_Chihiro:_** I know, I know.  
**_Chihiro:_** Two facts that contradict each other cannot be true at the same time.  
**_Chihiro:_** That's what science tells us.**

_Masaaki: _That's what logic tells us.

_Chihiro:_** Yes, but the world isn't only logical.  
**_Chihiro:_** What, if there really is more than one truth?**

_Masaaki: _You'll never get anyone to believe this.

_Chihiro:_** Yes, I know.  
**_Chihiro:_** Maybe future generations will see it differently.  
**_Chihiro:_** Like we developed from a few hundred years ago.**

_Masaaki: _I don't think people will go back believing in Gods and Spirits again.

_Chihiro:_** No, but maybe something different.  
**_Chihiro:_** Something new, like the power of the mind.  
**_Chihiro:_** The power of a thought.  
**_Chihiro:_** People should start believing in themselves.**

_Masaaki: _You should write that down.   
_Masaaki: _Did you ever write anything about your disappearance?  
_Masaaki: _From your point of view?

_Chihiro:_** The movie is my point of view, kind of.  
**_Chihiro:_** That's what I told them back then.**

_Masaaki: _I didn't quite mean that.  
_Masaaki: _How do you see the it today?  
_Masaaki: _Some years later.

_Chihiro:_** Oh,  
**_Chihiro:_** That's very difficult to say, because it changes with each season.  
**_Chihiro:_** It depends on my mood, and I forget, and I learn.  
**_Chihiro:_** I often started a few lines, but sometimes the next day reading it, it seemed stupid already.**

_Masaaki: _I see.

_Chihiro:_** When did you say you'd be coming here?  
**_Chihiro:_** I'd like to talk then.**

_Masaaki: _That will be in ten days.  
_Masaaki: _Yes, we should definitely meet then.

_Chihiro:_** Maybe I find something I've written recently.  
**_Chihiro:_** Or I'd write down something that I can send you.**

_Masaaki: _That would be very nice, I'd like that.  
_Masaaki: _Now I have to concentrate on my homework again.

_Chihiro:_** Oh yeah, enjoy it.**

_Masaaki: _I will.  
_Masaaki: _Hope to talk again soon.

_Chihiro:_** Same here.  
**_Chihiro:_** And try not to think of it too much, it's different than you think anyway.**

_Masaaki: _I suppose.  
_Masaaki: _Bye then.

_Chihiro:_** Bye.**


	9. July 25th, 2002, part 2

**July 25, 2002  
Seventh Log: Chihiro and Risa**

* * *

_Chihiro: _**Hello, Risa.**

_Risa:_ Chihiro, is that you?  
_Risa:_ What a pleasant surprise, hello.  
_Risa:_ Hold on a second, I have two other contacts right now.  
_Risa:_ I'll tell them to get lost.

_Chihiro:_** Ok, no problem.**

_Risa:_ I'm back, sorry it took a while.  
_Risa:_ Boys can be persistent at times.

_Chihiro:_** I suppose.  
**_Chihiro:_** Do you have time to talk now?**

_Risa:_ For you always.  
_Risa:_ What's up?

_Chihiro:_** Well, I've been talking with Masaaki today.**

_Risa:_ How nice.  
_Risa:_ Is he staying at his parents place?

_Chihiro:_** No, I mean online.**

_Risa:_ Are you two going steady now?

_Chihiro:_** Please!  
**_Chihiro:_** It's different.**

_Risa:_ I know, it's always different.  
_Risa:_ He's fine, isn't he?

_Chihiro:_** Yes, he's fine.  
**_Chihiro:_** He knows now of my "magical disappearance".**

_Risa:_ You told him? I'm surprised.

_Chihiro:_** No, he found out himself.  
**_Chihiro:_** He found old newspapers.**

_Risa:_ And he knew it's you?

_Chihiro:_** Well, we've been talking about the movie.  
**_Chihiro:_** I tried to drop some hints, to make it easier if I ever decided to tell him.  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't know what made him convinced in the end, but it's out now.**

_Risa:_ You're glad about it, aren't you?

_Chihiro:_** Yes, I suppose I am.  
**_Chihiro:_** I didn't like staying quiet about it all the time.  
**_Chihiro:_** It had been on my mind a lot.**

_Risa:_ So, what does he think about it?

_Chihiro:_** He's very sensible about it all.  
**_Chihiro:_** He even says he believes a thing like that could be possible.  
**_Chihiro:_** And that it fits to everything he knew about me.**

_Risa:_ You have a fan now. Isn't that nice?

_Chihiro:_** I wouldn't call him a fan.  
**_Chihiro:_** He's a really good friend.**

_Risa:_ But don't you ever wish there were more?

_Chihiro:_** Well, yes, sometimes I do, kind of.  
**_Chihiro:_** There was always my secret between us.**

_Risa:_ Which is gone now.

_Chihiro:_** Yes, but I'm afraid.  
**_Chihiro:_** Afraid to lose him as a friend when it gets romantic.  
**_Chihiro:_** I'd really miss having a friend like him around.**

_Risa:_ You have me.

_Chihiro:_** I'm sorry, but that's different.  
**_Chihiro:_** But I have you as a friend, that's true.**

_Risa:_ Isn't there anyone else in school that looks interesting?

_Chihiro:_** I don't know, I haven't looked.**

_Risa:_ You're fifteen soon, you should get to know life from the happy side.

_Chihiro:_** But I am happy, especially today.  
**_Chihiro:_** I want to tell him everything I have inside, everything I told you.  
**_Chihiro:_** Even if he hates me after that.**

_Risa:_ Why would he hate you?

_Chihiro:_** I don't know, why wouldn't he?  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't think he has ever met a schizophrenic girl.**

_Risa:_ You're not schizophrenic!

_Chihiro:_** Then, what is it?  
**_Chihiro:_** Posttraumatic hallucinations?  
**_Chihiro:_** Or would you call me just nuts?**

_Risa:_ Stop that, that's not helping anyone.  
_Risa:_ And don't ever tell him that.  
_Risa:_ I know you don't believe it yourself.

_Chihiro:_** I don't know what I believe.  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't know what I want to believe.  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't know what I want.**

_Risa:_ You used to know...

_Chihiro:_** Did I really?  
**_Chihiro:_** What do I want then?  
**_Chihiro:_** You tell me!**

_Risa:_ You said you want to live in this world, in "reality".  
_Risa:_ You want to keep your Spirit World in your memory and dreams.  
_Risa:_ You want others to keep their memories and dreams sacred.  
_Risa:_ You want to learn about this world, how it works, all countries on this planet.  
_Risa:_ You want to combine Philosophies and Religions and Sciences.  
_Risa:_ You want to meet Haku and the others again, but even if you won't in this world, it'll be later.  
_Risa:_ You said, time doesn't really matter.

_Chihiro:_** Oh.  
**_Chihiro:_** I better write that down.  
**_Chihiro:_** You have any idea on how to achieve it?**

_Risa:_ You ask me???  
_Risa:_ What happened, did Masaaki confuse you that much?

_Chihiro:_** I don't know.  
**_Chihiro:_** I'm just not used to sharing this memory.**

_Risa:_ You're in love, aren't you?

_Chihiro:_** Me? In love?  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't know, I've never been in love before.  
**_Chihiro:_** What is love anyway?**

_Risa:_ It makes you feel great every time you think of him.  
_Risa:_ You want to share everything, and his image pops into your head all the time.  
_Risa:_ You feel butterflies in your stomach, and you're not hungry.

_Chihiro:_** I'm not hungry.  
**_Chihiro:_** So I'm in love?**

_Risa:_ It depends…  
_Risa:_ How much did you eat today, maybe you're just full.

_Chihiro:_** Not much. And I didn't have any dinner.  
**_Chihiro:_** I forgot about it, with all this excitement today.**

_Risa:_ Then it could be a first sign.  
_Risa:_ But you have to decide yourself what it is.

_Chihiro:_** What do I have to do now? If it is love...**

_Risa:_ Nothing, that's the great thing about it.  
_Risa:_ Do what you want, do what you always do.  
_Risa:_ Keep him as a friend, or make hints about new things you want to do.  
_Risa:_ If he feels the same, it's the greatest thing I know.  
_Risa:_ If not, it's still a great feeling in your heart.  
_Risa:_ But don't expect anything from him, expectations are never good.

_Chihiro:_** Don't tell me I need one of those girly magazines…**

_Risa:_ Of course not, not if you don't feel like it.  
_Risa:_ There are as many different forms of love as there are people around.  
_Risa:_ That's the best thing about it.  
_Risa:_ But for a start, I wouldn't do much.  
_Risa:_ Especially not much thinking.

_Chihiro:_** Huh?**

_Risa:_ Just enjoy how you feel. Smile more often.  
_Risa:_ Enjoy the nature, or do other nice things when he's not around.  
_Risa:_ When he is around, just watch him.  
_Risa:_ He might look different now.  
_Risa:_ Mine always become much cuter.

_Chihiro:_** I don't know, I'm still afraid of losing the friendship.**

_Risa:_ You won't lose him if you don't expect anything from him.  
_Risa:_ Just keep things as they are, and see how it develops.  
_Risa:_ Maybe you're just meant to stay lifelong friends, who knows?  
_Risa:_ Life is long, and time is of no importance, like you said.  
_Risa:_ And you'll always have Haku.

_Chihiro:_** I think you dream of Haku more often than I do…**

_Risa:_ I don't know, how often do you dream of him now?

_Chihiro:_** I remember him maybe two times a week, in the mornings.**

_Risa:_ Does Masaaki know about your dreams yet?

_Chihiro:_** Not really, I might have mentioned it once.  
**_Chihiro:_** Nothing in particular, though.  
**_Chihiro:_** I dream of all of them at the same time sometimes.**

_Risa:_ Tell me about it.

_Chihiro:_** It's nothing new, they're all fine.  
**_Chihiro:_** Kamajii always complains about too much work.  
**_Chihiro:_** And they're always the same age, even Bou always looks like the baby he was.  
**_Chihiro:_** But that's explainable.**

_Risa:_ How come?

_Chihiro:_** Well, that's how they were created by me during my trauma.  
**_Chihiro:_** And my dreams just recall the memories.**

_Risa:_ Don't say that.  
_Risa:_ I don't like the sound of that.

_Chihiro:_** Well, there is something new, that you would like.  
**_Chihiro:_** About Haku.**

_Risa:_ Tell me.

_Chihiro:_** Well, after all your asking and such, that must have impressed me.  
**_Chihiro:_** So now I'm making Haku saying, that he's planning to come back.**

_Risa:_ He's coming?  
_Risa:_ Ok, what do you mean by that?  
_Risa:_ As a boy, as a dragon, or as a river?

_Chihiro:_** I don't think they're rebuilding the river.  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't understand what he's trying to tell me.  
**_Chihiro:_** I sort of feel that the time is near for him to leave Yubaaba and the bath house.  
**_Chihiro:_** And that we'd meet again.**

_Risa:_ But where? When? How?

_Chihiro:_** I suppose it works this way:  
**_Chihiro:_** I choose a river, rename it Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi, and build a shrine there.  
**_Chihiro:_** Then I make offerings to him and pray to him.  
**_Chihiro:_** And once in a while I can make him appear by power of my hallucinations.**

_Risa:_ Now you're making fun of yourself!

_Chihiro:_** And you please be serious once.  
**_Chihiro:_** Nobody will ever see Haku except for me.  
**_Chihiro:_** Spirits, dragons and Gods have been driven out of these lands long ago.  
**_Chihiro:_** If they ever existed.  
**_Chihiro:_** I can't help what I see in my dreams.  
**_Chihiro:_** But I've learnt to accept that.  
**_Chihiro:_** I know the difference between my dreams and this world.**

_Risa:_ But don't you even have hope any more?

_Chihiro:_** Of course I still have hope,  
**_Chihiro:_** But one thing I've learned is:  
**_Chihiro:_** Things don't happen if you wait for them all the time.  
**_Chihiro:_** There is a difference between expecting and believing.**

_Risa:_ So if you stop expecting it, then things start happening?  
_Risa:_ That's why you force yourself to say these things?

_Chihiro:_** No! I don't know.  
**_Chihiro:_** I just know if you want something to change, you have to make the first step yourself.  
**_Chihiro:_** If you believe something, you have to make others believe in it too, before it has any effect.**

_Risa:_ So once you make Masaaki believe, you two can bring Haku back together?

_Chihiro:_** You don't listen, do you?  
**_Chihiro:_** This is not about me. This is about everything.**

_Risa:_ Well, you're part of everything, aren't you?

_Chihiro:_** Yes, but…  
**_Chihiro:_** I don't know, I'm just confused today.**

_Risa:_ It had been quite a day, hasn't it?  
_Risa:_ When will you be talking to Masaaki again?

_Chihiro:_** I don't know.  
**_Chihiro:_** I said I might write down something about my trip.**

_Risa:_ Do that, that'll get your thoughts straightened up.

_Chihiro:_** I think I'll go to my place in the forest for thinking…**

_Risa:_ You still go there?  
_Risa:_ Does he know about it?

_Chihiro:_** I never told him.**

_Risa:_ Well, things change now, I suppose.  
_Risa:_ Now you can tell him more.

_Chihiro:_** I guess so.**

_Risa:_ Have fun thinking about it.  
_Risa:_ I suppose you won't do much else.

_Chihiro:_** I'll see.  
**_Chihiro:_** Thanks for listening.**

_Risa:_ Hey, I'm your friend.  
_Risa:_ Tell me how it all develops.

_Chihiro:_** I will.  
**_Chihiro:_** Bye now.**

_Risa:_ Bye.


	10. July 27th, 2002

**July 27, 2002  
Emails part two: Chihiro to Masaaki**

* * *

(Translator note: you must have an Asian font installed to see the Japanese characters in my comments.  
In Japanese, each word is represented by one or more Sino-Japanese characters (Kanji). For example the Kanji 愛 ("Ai", JIS Code 3026 hex) has the meanings "love" and "affection", and 望 ("Bou", JIS 4B3E) means "hope", "desire". This character is not the same character as 坊 ("Bou", JIS 4B37) which is used for the Baby, and means "boy", "priest". Thus a flying word or a word in a tree has to be imagined quite differently than the corresponding English word.)

Date: 2002/07/27  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi 

**Hello, Masaaki.**

**Here is something that I wrote yesterday. I hope you enjoy reading it, it's kind of long. It may sound a bit stupid or odd to you, I don't know. I've tried writing down the same things lots of times in different variations, and I keep changing the style all the time. This seems to come pretty close to what I'm actually feeling in my head right now.**

**Chihiro**

Attachment: words.doc (converted to 'txt')

**Dear Masaaki.**

**I am trying to write down my thoughts, but that is really not easy, since I don't know where to start. The words are dancing in my mind like butterflies in a blooming cherry tree in springtime. It all makes a perfect picture, but when I want to put them in order, they all fly to sit somewhere else. The words are not used to being seen, and are very shy. They have been free for a very long time, and only few people were allowed near. When there are strangers approaching, they fly away. **

**I tried to explain them, you are not a stranger any more, you would never misuse them for another purpose, but they don't listen to me. They make fun of me by building new strange sentences, that I've never thought before. So I just sit here in silence and wait for the first word to arrive. If one of them comes, the others get curious and follow. It's always that way.**

**I'm sitting in the sun a little away from our house, surrounded by some trees. I sometimes come here to think, or to be thoughtless. Sometimes to remember, or to forget. Today I'm here to write. There is a lot that I can't recall, but that doesn't worry me, because nothing that ever happened is forgotten, even if I don't remember it. **

**But quiet, there's the first word approaching. He's still shy, but I can see him now, it's "Ai". "Ai" isn't always the first one to reach me, but never the last one. And "Ai" is right, I feel a lot of affection towards my memories now. Even though I was still young, what I remember very strongly right now is that there was love everywhere in the Spirit World. Even if people there didn't show it, they felt it. It is a bit like in this world, only here people are not aware of it.**

**I think of the Spirits and Gods in the other world as just "people", because to me they all have souls, just like everybody else. When it happened, I knew so little of what it all meant. I wasn't thinking of much more than the next thing to do, the next step. Only much later I started to grasp the vastness of what I had experienced. **

**Oh, look. A friend of "Ai" has come, it's "Bou". They often play together, they seem to be very close friends. "Bou" is always faster than "Ai", and if there was a new spot to discover, then it usually was "Bou" who attracted the other words.**

**"Bou" has become a little tired in the last year, maybe he's getting old. He's not as active any more as he used to be, sometimes I have to look for him, and when I don't find him then I miss him. I miss the hope I had a few years ago. I always desired for a change, for a sign that tells me that I really am different from everybody else, but I'm not, the sign didn't come. And if it came, I didn't see it.**

**But today "Bou" seems to be very happy, he's flying back to bring some others along. Now they all come, there's "dream" and "work" and "silence". Oh, and now I already see "Yuu" ("friend"), what a surprise. He usually stays with Rin and Kamajii and Haku and the others, but I think today he wants to get to know you. **

**And who do we have here? This is "Shin" ("truth", "trust", "faith", JIS 3F2E) sitting on my knee. He wants me to tell you about him first. Well, I have to start somewhere, so why not.**

**"Shin" hasn't always been easy on me after my return to this world. In the beginning he was by my side, but others couldn't see him. They told me, he isn't there any more, even though I saw him, right there in front of my eyes! Why wouldn't they believe me? Always more questions and questions. And they wanted explanations that I didn't have.**

**You know the facts, don't you? I don't know which article you have found, so here it is again: We drove to our new home on March 27th 1998, but we never arrived. Nobody had seen us on the way, so to the police, whom my grandmother contacted later, didn't have any clue where to look for us. They said we ran away, although there was no apparent reason for us. But no accident was reported, no car found, and they didn't put much effort into finding us.**

**We returned three months later, June 25th. My parents had no memory of it, they hadn't even gained weight, but I was aware of what had happened. The car was all dusty, and the forest looked like summer, too, so my parents thought it all very strange. After that it all was a chaos. Luckily our new house wasn't sold yet, but the furniture had been brought to my grandma's house. It took my parents some time to believe how much time actually had passed, and after that they took the time to listen to my version of the story. I think my dad didn't believe me at all at first, but my mom tried to.**

**The police didn't pay any attention to our return. Maybe they thought our lame explanation an excuse for running and returning with bad conscience. They didn't even examine the place much.**

**Well, we did, but there was nothing, just the "old" building, not one with new paint. The only spiritual signs there were the old statues and God's houses next to the way. I got the idea that in the past there might have been "magical disappearances" too, and later I even found books with old stories about it. But why did the bath house appear that day, for us? At first I thought it was because my father was driving so fast, so at a certain speed the gate opens, or something. But testing it, we never succeeded again. Now I think is has to be a certain constellation of the stars, a certain time, a time frame of a few seconds, or a combination of everything. Or it's just gone now.**

**So my parallel universe could not be proven, my father had lost his job, my mother was desperate, and all we had was my story. My father tried to sell it to some newspapers first, by all they did was some tiny articles. You probably read one of those.**

**School was really awful for me. Nobody had taught me how to lie up until then, so I was always willing to tell them about my disappearance. I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have insisted that I believed it really was true. After some time I didn't say anything anymore. That's when my parents consulted some professional help from doctors and psychiatrists. That too was awful in the beginning, and of course they too never believed me. But they did something else: they believed that I myself believed. It was a start.**

**Money was short, the opportunity to sell the story came, and we took it. I remember how I was telling them lots of details, and that was the first time anyone was really interested in hearing my story. Except for Risa of course, she always listened to everything I told her. That was in Summer 1999, and I had no idea what kind of movie they would make. They just told us, it's a story that would make a great film, and if it had success, we'd get even some more money.**

**After that it got really quiet again. That's when I started paying attention to my dreams. I didn't always dream of my disappearance, but when I did, it had been just memories, reliving stuff that I had experienced. But from then on sometimes it seemed like they were alive on the other side.**

**Of course dreams are meant to seem alive, and I probably would have agreed that the whole thing had been all just a dream, if there hadn't been so much truth in it. I remembered Kanji from my trip that I hadn't learned yet, and after writing them down, they made perfect sense. Even the definitions Rin had given me had been correct. I was able to name and descibe Gods and Spirits that are mentioned in old books, but very rarely, and certainly none from my family knew anything about it.**

**They told us theories, that people and generations can carry with them a knowledge accessible to all, and passed on to future generations. Oh, we heard a lot of theories, and they all made sense, but none could explain it all.**

**Needless to say, even though dad got a new job, the town didn't really like us, they thought us too eccentric. School didn't get any better, although I didn't really care any more. I don't remember much, except for my studying. So Spring 2000 we moved again, into this town, and I started Middle School here. And we also decided to keep our names out of the movie.**

**I wasn't interested in much else than getting my mind filled with words and numbers, so I wouldn't have to think of it all the time. And I was able to forget, although it was hard on days when I had a dream of the Spirit World. Nobody was ever able to help me with that, and maybe I didn't even want to get rid of them. I had experienced something special, and they could take all away and disenchant everything, but I'd keep my dreams.**

**Risa had been the only one I could always talk to, although I'm not sure at all whether she believes it is really possible and that everyone I saw really exists, or if it is just all in my head.**

**But here "Shin" can't help any more. What is truth? What does exist? Who's to decide? Is it just a collection of science facts? Then no God exists anywhere. Is it a collection of the beliefs of every single person on earth? Then it's easy for me to create existence just by tricking anyone to believe something. It's somewhere between, but where? Maybe the border is changing each generation, and I feel the changing even now.**

**You can see, I've spent a lot of reading and thinking, and still there is no solution. It does not matter to me who those grey people in the train were, I've seen them, that's enough for me. I don't need everything explained. When I see those "experts" on Spirited Away in the internet and their theories and explanations, it makes me cry. They didn't get the point of the movie. The point is, that logic doesn't help here any more.**

**Of course everyone may have his own opinion, and probably there even are people who think it is true, in one of all the meanings of the word "truth". But after that, they should think about how they can use this truth in daily life. This world is the one we have to change, to let the things we learned effect us. In reality there is not much magic, not yet, it takes time to get there, if we really want to.**

**I'm sorry, I get emotional when I think of it. If you want to know what really angers me, it's the people who understand it, even tell it others, but don't do it, don't live it. Their daily life doesn't change, they don't read any books about philosophy or religion or science, they don't learn. They wait for others to tell them new things, they don't judge for themselves. Others have to change the world for them.**

**"Shin" looks really sad now, here on my knee. In my heart I know that what I experienced is the truth, for me, but I failed in telling others. I feel, that my duty is to pass on what I've learned. I've let them do the movie, and know everyone knows, but nothing changes.**

**What did I expect? That the magical disappearance is truth to me is nothing much to change anything in the world. They might say now: "Ok, it's true, Spirits exist, and now what? Pray to them, worship them? We can do that once a year." What else can I do? I don't see a way. I don't even know what my goal is anymore.**

**Small steps are more important than big ones, and I have time. I might be ahead of my class in verbally expressing my thoughts, but I don't feel like writing a book. I want to learn, before I teach. I feel like there's so much more in this world to learn, that I don't even know where to start.**

**I start today by telling you what I'm thinking, even if it will change everything between us. You will not see my story the way I do, nobody will, no matter how much I try to explain. But that's ok, that's what makes us individuals. I hope this doesn't sound sad, because it isn't. I'm happy right now, and maybe it's a time now to start something new. I don't know what, but I will when I see it.**

**You have music to keep you going, I do not have that, but I want to think of it as something similar. You can keep a melody in your head for a whole day, even a symphony. You can hear it in your head, even though it isn't audible to others. And nobody thinks you are nuts. You can claim that your music has a soul, that it is alive, that it is true. And people believe you.**

**But you can make it true for others by writing your music down, playing your music. That way everyone else can take part in it. Yet nobody will think of the music the same way you do, they all hear something different. And it takes a long time to study, until you succeed letting the music talk.**

**At least the way to reach that goal is clear. There are teachers who understand what you are trying to do, who help you. For me it is difficult to find anyone who helps me pass on my thoughts. And I do not even know yet what I'm trying to do. But I feel that I'm on the right path now.**

**But who am I to say what you want and who you are? I do not know more than what you told me, the side you show me. I don't know what you expect, what you wish, what you want. Even when you say it, you say just words, and the sound of them in my ear is likely to be different from the taste of them in your mouth.**

**Maybe you expected to hear more details from the Spirit World, things that were not in the movie. And all I write is about reality, you might be disappointed. I'm sorry. I want you to understand that I don't think about details any more. Seeing the movie reminds me of things I've known before but forgotten for a long time. I do remember the daily work in the bath house of course, and that's one of my dearest memories. And I remember my friends, Rin and Haku and the others, and I had more friends that were not in the movie, other workers like Rin. **

**"Shin" is gone again, all that is left is speculation. All other words return to their tree again as well, but I don't feel alone right now. I have confidence. The world seems different today. The sun is brighter than yesterday, but there is more…**

**All I have now is feelings, the words are gone. Words fly around, are sometimes near, sometimes far, but my feelings stay with me. Words leave me, they don't say when they will be back, and then I miss them. I need them to say what I'm feeling, but they disappoint me. The words aren't mine, they belong everyone, I have to share them. I do that gladly. I just wish there were one of them that I could call my own.**

**But wait, what's this, hear in the grass? Sleeping… It's one of the words, he didn't return back to the tree. He stayed with me. Maybe he was just tired, and didn't notice the others leaving. I should bring him back to the others. I wonder, which word he is…**

**How sweet, there're actually two words, real close to each other. I know them well, very well, and they never forget me. One of them reminds me of who I was, the other one of who I will be, and together they tell me who I am. I know my quest is not over yet, it has just begun. And whenever I find an answer in the depth, thousand more questions arise.**

**I've learned to love "Sen" and "Jin". I know "Sen" very well, I could never forget where I come from. "Jin" makes me curious of the future, of everything that will be. But when they are together like they are now, I know who I really am.**

**Chihiro**

(Translator note: "Sen" + "Jin" = "Chihiro". "Sen" (千, JIS 4069) means "thousand" and "Jin" (尋, JIS 3F52) means "inquire", "fathom". Together they build the name "Chihiro" (千尋), which can be translated as "great depth".)


	11. July 28th, 2002

**July 28, 2002  
Eighth log: Chihiro and Masaaki**

* * *

_Masaaki:_ Hello.

_Chihiro:_** Hi, Masaaki.  
**_Chihiro:_** Nice to hear from you.**

_Masaaki:_ Hi, "SenJin".

_Chihiro: _**That makes me smile.  
**_Chihiro: _**So you read what I wrote?**

_Masaaki:_ Of course I did.  
_Masaaki:_ I liked it a lot, it was very good.  
_Masaaki:_ It explains a lot about how you feel.

_Chihiro: _**Didn't you think it's too long?**

_Masaaki:_ Not at all, it's perfect, beginning and end and everything in between.  
_Masaaki:_ I think you have talent in writing.

_Chihiro: _**No, I don't write, maybe later when I'm old.  
**_Chihiro: _**There's still a lot to learn first.**

_Masaaki:_ You know how to explain your feelings.

_Chihiro: _**Well, you know me by now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Others who don't know me probably won't get it.**

_Masaaki:_ You underestimate people.  
_Masaaki:_ Even though they're all different, I think in a certain way we are more alike than we want to accept.  
_Masaaki:_ All six billions of us.

_Chihiro: _**I don't know them all, and I never will.  
**_Chihiro: _**How many people will I meet in my life?  
**_Chihiro: _**How many talk to, how many understand?  
**_Chihiro: _**Japan is crowded, and that makes it harder.**

_Masaaki:_ Harder to get to know people?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, because it's so easy to turn your back and be alone.  
**_Chihiro: _**You can be invisible in a big town, nobody will notice you are there.**

_Masaaki:_ You don't like Japan, do you?

_Chihiro: _**Well, Japan is all I know, I don't know how it is to be anywhere else.  
**_Chihiro: _**But no, I like Japan, and it will always be my home.**

_Masaaki:_ But you still want to move away…

_Chihiro: _**Yes, I want to travel and learn. And then I can come back and teach.  
**_Chihiro: _**I wish I knew which profession is suited for this.**

_Masaaki:_ Well, you could become a teacher.

_Chihiro: _**Yes maybe, but I wouldn't be free to tell the things I want to.  
**_Chihiro: _**Teachers are expected to know everything about few topics, and not a little about everything.**

_Masaaki:_ Don't worry, you'll find your way.

_Chihiro: _**Yes, I have confidence.**

_Masaaki:_ Maybe your dreams will help you.  
_Masaaki:_ You mentioned the dreams, I didn't know they were that strong.

_Chihiro: _**Well, it changes.  
**_Chihiro: _**They don't tell me a lot.  
**_Chihiro: _**I wish they would tell me what to do, but they don't.**

_Masaaki:_ Maybe they do, and you just don't see it.

_Chihiro: _**Maybe, but I don't think so.  
**_Chihiro: _**Of course I can always find small things, like "study hard" and "love everybody".  
**_Chihiro: _**But I'm secretly hoping something different.**

_Masaaki:_ What?

_Chihiro: _**Back then Haku told me to go down those terrible stairs,  
**_Chihiro: _**meet Kamajii and other strange people,  
**_Chihiro: _**ask for work and never give up, and everything would turn out fine,  
**_Chihiro: _**and he'd always be near.  
**_Chihiro: _**That is what my heart really wishes, that he'd tell me that again.**

_Masaaki:_ If you believe, then it will happen again.

_Chihiro: _**No, I'm beyond that.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm on my own now, there is no one who tells me exactly what I have to do.  
**_Chihiro: _**And if anyone would, I wouldn't hear it, or I wouldn't listen.**

_Masaaki:_ Then I will listen for you.  
_Masaaki:_ There are things you might not see, because they are always there.

_Chihiro: _**You are sweet.  
**_Chihiro: _**But there are things I have to decide alone.**

_Masaaki:_ Of course there are.  
_Masaaki:_ But don't you think sometimes it's nice to have a second opinion?  
_Masaaki:_ It would only broaden your horizon.

_Chihiro: _**I suppose you're right.**

_Masaaki:_ Tell me more about a dream, something you don't understand.

_Chihiro: _**Well, lately it is actually Haku who tries to tell me something, maybe.  
**_Chihiro: _**He doesn't say a word, but there are images that I remember.  
**_Chihiro: _**This is how it usually goes:  
**_Chihiro: _**Haku changes into a dragon, and flies away, but then turns and flies towards me.  
**_Chihiro: _**At my feet he changes into a river, well, a very small one, more like a brook.  
**_Chihiro: _**Then he changes into a dragon again, flies high, and also swims in the sea.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or in another big river.  
**_Chihiro: _**He wants me to come there.**

_Masaaki:_ And he says nothing?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, there are no words.  
**_Chihiro: _**But there are thoughts I have, maybe his thoughts.**

_Masaaki:_ What thoughts?

_Chihiro: _**I think of his names, both his names.**

_Masaaki:_ Haku and …

_Chihiro: _**Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi. Yes.  
**_Chihiro: _**Those are important, although I know if he leaves the bath house, "Haku" won't be his name any more.**

_Masaaki:_ But it'll stay part of him.

_Chihiro: _**Yes, it will.  
**_Chihiro: _**But there's also the thought that it's not time yet.  
**_Chihiro: _**I should have patience.**

_Masaaki:_ He wants you to prepare for something?

_Chihiro: _**Maybe.  
**_Chihiro: _**I have to think of him returning…**

_Masaaki:_ If it is in this world, where could it be?  
_Masaaki:_ Any hints?

_Chihiro: _**No, but it seems very distant.  
**_Chihiro: _**There are mountains, and not many trees, but maybe volcanoes.**

_Masaaki:_ Like in the north? In Hokkaido?

_Chihiro: _**No. It seems like a million years ago, a newly created land.**

_Masaaki:_ So maybe he'll return in the past,  
_Masaaki:_ and the river would be here already.

_Chihiro: _**But then he would have been here all that time.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't think so.**

_Masaaki:_ Maybe he can change the past.

_Chihiro: _**Well, we'll never know.  
**_Chihiro: _**We only have one past at a time.  
**_Chihiro: _**The only possibility is totally weird.**

_Masaaki:_ Why weird?

_Chihiro: _**He'd have to change the memory of every person alive, except for ours.  
**_Chihiro: _**Only then will we know that the past changed for the others.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't want my past changed.  
**_Chihiro: _**And everybody will think we're strange, because we believe in a different past.  
**_Chihiro: _**No, let's stay a bit reasonable.**

_Masaaki:_ I wonder, how exactly are rivers created?

_Chihiro: _**Well, they are not created, they start at a place where the water gathers underground and forms a brook.  
**_Chihiro: _**I guess you can change the path of a river, or even destroy it by changing the environment.  
**_Chihiro: _**But there are no new rivers created any more, time of creation is over.**

_Masaaki:_ When someone builds a hill, the rainwater comes out somewhere.  
_Masaaki:_ That'd be a new river.

_Chihiro: _**That wouldn't be a river, only a brook when it rains.  
**_Chihiro: _**And they'd have it channeled somewhere.  
**_Chihiro: _**There's no place for Haku here any more.  
**_Chihiro: _**No place for Spirits.  
**_Chihiro: _**This is making me depressed.**

_Masaaki:_ I'm sorry, I'll think of it though.  
_Masaaki:_ Maybe it means something quite different.

_Chihiro: _**Of course it does.  
**_Chihiro: _**It probably means nothing at all.  
**_Chihiro: _**"Shin" is often where I least expect him.  
**_Chihiro: _**That's why I only find him when I don't look for him.**

_Masaaki:_ I like your playing with words.  
_Masaaki:_ You changed, last year you barely said ten words per day.

_Chihiro: _**No, you changed, in my head I mean.  
**_Chihiro: _**I didn't know you back then, and now you seem like a whole different person to me.  
**_Chihiro: _**The words had been with me all the time,  
**_Chihiro: _**But they were afraid of you. They're not used to other people**

_Masaaki:_ Do you like being alone?

_Chihiro: _**I'm never really alone.  
**_Chihiro: _**I have friends, like Risa and you now, and my family.**

_Masaaki:_ I don't mean that.  
_Masaaki:_ I mean, did you ever think how it would be to have a lot of friends, who are around you most of the time?  
_Masaaki:_ I don't mean superficial friends, but a community where everyone accepts the differences in the others.  
_Masaaki:_ And really cares for the other one.

_Chihiro: _**That's an interesting thought, but I don't think you'd find that easily anywhere.  
**_Chihiro: _**You are lucky if you find a few good friends, but they have their own life.  
**_Chihiro: _**There are so many distractions and different opinions, each person is interested in something else.  
**_Chihiro: _**And in the end everyone sticks to himself.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's a bunch of people who think they are not alone if they surround themselves with people who are just as lonely as they are.**

_Masaaki:_ You make a lot sound pessimistic, you know that?  
_Masaaki:_ There's a lot more in the world than you have seen so far.

_Chihiro: _**I know, and I'm finding new things all the time.**

_Masaaki:_ In books?  
_Masaaki:_ Books are good to get ideas, but I don't think you can get to know the world that way.

_Chihiro: _**I want to get to know the world.  
**_Chihiro: _**If I only knew where to start, it's so vast.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm open for suggestions.**

_Masaaki:_ I'll help you, as far as I can.  
_Masaaki:_ But you know, in the end it's your decision.

_Chihiro: _**I know.  
**_Chihiro: _**And you really didn't expect a synopsis of my trip?**

_Masaaki:_ I didn't expect anything.  
_Masaaki:_ I hoped for something that tells me who you think you are.  
_Masaaki:_ And I was not disappointed.  
_Masaaki:_ I can read about the Spirit World in books and thousands of internet pages.  
_Masaaki:_ But it says nowhere how it feels like to have been there.

_Chihiro: _**I didn't even tell you how it felt while I was there.  
**_Chihiro: _**At the time I didn't pay any attention to my feelings, I wasn't thinking of them.  
**_Chihiro: _**I just reacted to them, and forgot them.  
**_Chihiro: _**Others can tell far better what a ten year old feels in such a situation.  
**_Chihiro: _**Looking back I think I started living my live at that time.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't remember much from the time before.  
**_Chihiro: _**But after that I started to make my own decisions.**

_Masaaki:_ One question I'd like to ask, though.

_Chihiro: _**Go ahead.**

_Masaaki:_ Did you always have confidence that you'd save your parents?  
_Masaaki:_ Or did you give up in between.

_Chihiro: _**I think I always had confidence, just like I have now about my future.  
**_Chihiro: _**And the future of the world.  
**_Chihiro: _**In the end, everything will turn out fine.  
**_Chihiro: _**Haku had told me, I'd be able to free my parents, and I believed him.  
**_Chihiro: _**Being just a kid, I had no reason to doubt.**

_Masaaki:_ But today you would?

_Chihiro: _**Probably, I'm older now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Most grownups would try to analyze the situation and find ways to maximize the possibilities of success.  
**_Chihiro: _**They wouldn't just wait, like I did. They would fight!**

_Masaaki:_ Is fighting always wrong?

_Chihiro: _**It feels wrong. I don't like watching others fight.  
**_Chihiro: _**Not even when it's supposed to be funny.  
**_Chihiro: _**And even when it's drawn, in an anime, it feels wrong.**

_Masaaki:_ Oh. There are better ways than fighting, probably.  
_Masaaki:_ By the way, do you still have the hair band?  
_Masaaki:_ Doesn't it have any magic?

_Chihiro: _**Sure I have it, it's in my drawer next to the bed.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's a little worn, though. But it's still sacred to me.  
**_Chihiro: _**And magic?  
**_Chihiro: _**I tried everything to activate it, even wearing it at night or putting it under the pillow.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't feel any different whether I use it or not.**

_Masaaki:_ Maybe it's only working at the right time…

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, and maybe I just have to say "Hocus-pocus" in the right dialect, and Haku will appear.  
**_Chihiro: _**Listen, don't get yourself lost in any unrealistic ideas.  
**_Chihiro: _**This is what I was afraid of.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm no Harry Potter, there is no magic.  
**_Chihiro: _**This is no X-File.  
**_Chihiro: _**The hair band is just plain, probably something I found on the ground while we were lost.  
**_Chihiro: _**It is nice to keep the whole story in a good memory.  
**_Chihiro: _**Learn from it and use it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Try to find ways to change reality in a positive way.  
**_Chihiro: _**Sometimes it's nice to dream the "what ifs".  
**_Chihiro: _**"What if Haku would really come?"  
**_Chihiro: _**"What if I could see them all again?"  
**_Chihiro: _**But I know there have to be limits.  
**_Chihiro: _**I've learned to live with my memory, and am still learning.  
**_Chihiro: _**If they exist in the Spirit World, they will find ways to let me know what I have to know.  
**_Chihiro: _**But only to me.  
**_Chihiro: _**There won't be signs of their existence in this world, unless I declare them to be such.  
**_Chihiro: _**Other will not see it that way, not even you.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or if you do, then you deny yourself for someone else's dream, don't do that.  
**_Chihiro: _**In a way I am the God of my own world.  
**_Chihiro: _**I can decide what is true and what not, to a certain extent.  
**_Chihiro: _**But it will not effect the worlds of others.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or what we call "Reality".  
**_Chihiro: _**Are you still there?**

_Masaaki:_ Sure I am.  
_Masaaki:_ You were writing fast, I didn't feel like interrupting.  
_Masaaki:_ You are right and you are wrong, I think.  
_Masaaki:_ It is your world, but others can be part of it.  
_Masaaki:_ And you can change the world of others, even if you say afterwards, they changed it themselves.  
_Masaaki:_ Changing "Reality" is hard, but not impossible.  
_Masaaki:_ It starts with a dream, then hope, then small evidence, and finally everyone believes.  
_Masaaki:_ There was a time when people only dreamt of flying.  
_Masaaki:_ Then they started building planes, but everybody laughed.  
_Masaaki:_ Until they flew a few meters.  
_Masaaki:_ Don't keep your dream to yourself.  
_Masaaki:_ Let others hope with you.  
_Masaaki:_ Then there will be evidence.

_Chihiro: _**Do you really believe that?  
**_Chihiro: _**I used to believe it too, I think, but facts can be very convincing.**

_Masaaki:_ We need others to let them remind us of our dreams and hopes.  
_Masaaki:_ But beware of those that just blindly repeat what you say.  
_Masaaki:_ Those don't have an own opinion.

_Chihiro: _**I just have a weird thought.  
**_Chihiro: _**If I'd start a new religion, something like "Believers of Haku",  
**_Chihiro: _**There'd probably be people who'd join.  
**_Chihiro: _**Risa might consider.  
**_Chihiro: _**Don't worry, I won't.**

_Masaaki:_ Oh, well, I guess there'd be a few.  
_Masaaki:_ If you mix some truth into any story, suddenly it all gets very believable.  
_Masaaki:_ Even if there's no real proof in favor of it,  
_Masaaki:_ As long as there's no proof against it,  
_Masaaki:_ Nowadays people want to believe in something new.

_Chihiro: _**Yes, people seem restless, don't they?  
**_Chihiro: _**Sects and cults and such…**

_Masaaki:_ Most people don't bother to get an own opinion.  
_Masaaki:_ They just reuse ideas of others.

_Chihiro: _**Sometimes I think, all those people were different before, while they were young.  
**_Chihiro: _**They might have had own ideas like we do.  
**_Chihiro: _**How to change the world, and questioning everything they hear.  
**_Chihiro: _**Now they don't talk about it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Do you think they forgot?**

_Masaaki:_ I don't know.  
_Masaaki:_ Maybe it's still in their mind, but they keep it to themselves.  
_Masaaki:_ It takes a lot of effort to question everything.

_Chihiro: _**I know, it's much easier to just believe.  
**_Chihiro: _**I just hope I'll never be that way.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't want to look back on my life one day, and see that all years had been the same.**

_Masaaki:_ Don't worry.  
_Masaaki:_ You won't, as long as you keep being aware of yourself.  
_Masaaki:_ And of the thoughts you have now.  
_Masaaki:_ You'll always have your dreams.

_Chihiro: _**I hope I'll keep them all my life.**

_Masaaki:_ And you have the movie, it'll always be special to you.

_Chihiro: _**Yes, extremely.  
**_Chihiro: _**I can't bear to watch it very often though.  
**_Chihiro: _**Only when I really totally feel like it.**

_Masaaki:_ It's incredible how much my view of the movie changed in just one week.  
_Masaaki:_ And I thought I'd never be a big fan of it.

_Chihiro: _**I wouldn't call you a fan of the movie.  
**_Chihiro: _**You just changed your point of view.**

_Masaaki:_ You're right.  
_Masaaki:_ It still feels incredible, when I think that the movie was made about what you went through.

_Chihiro: _**Let's say, what I thought I went through.  
**_Chihiro: _**There is truth in dreams, but we should know the borders of reality.  
**_Chihiro: _**And in reality you have to work on your homework, don't you?**

_Masaaki:_ Yes, wow, you're psychic, too.  
_Masaaki:_ Just kidding.

_Chihiro: _**I have some stuff on my schedule as well.  
**_Chihiro: _**Call me when you know what day you arrive here next week.**

_Masaaki:_ I will.  
_Masaaki:_ And don't worry, I think I can keep my mind on my homework, and won't think all the time about the Spirit World.

_Chihiro: _**That's good.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's nice to talk about it once in a while,  
**_Chihiro: _**But we both have our own chores in life.**

_Masaaki:_ Right.  
_Masaaki:_ Bye then.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, see you.**


	12. October 1st, 2002

**October 1, 2002  
Ninth Log: Chihiro and Risa**

* * *

_Risa:_ Hi, Chihiro.

_Chihiro: _**Hello, Risa.  
**_Chihiro: _**Nice to hear from you.**

_Risa: _Same here.  
_Risa: _How did you manage the typhoons those last weeks?

_Chihiro: _**Oh, we did alright, no real damage.  
**_Chihiro: _**I actually like them a bit.**

_Risa: _You do?

_Chihiro: _**I feel that the nature is alive.  
**_Chihiro: _**That we can't control everything.  
**_Chihiro: _**That there are things more powerful than us.**

_Risa: _I see.

_Chihiro: _**I like to listen to the wind, and the rain.  
**_Chihiro: _**I have to be alone for that, though.**

_Risa: _What about Masaaki?

_Chihiro: _**What about him?**

_Risa: _You know…  
_Risa: _Are you together now or not?

_Chihiro: _**No, we're not together.  
**_Chihiro: _**And I don't think we will be.**

_Risa: _Why not?

_Chihiro: _**We're just friends, very good friends.  
**_Chihiro: _**We talked a lot during vacation, but we don't want anything else.  
**_Chihiro: _**He's seldom here, anyway.**

_Risa: _Oh.

_Chihiro: _**And there are other things on my mind, as well.**

_Risa: _Like?

_Chihiro: _**Well, everything.  
**_Chihiro: _**"Tama-chan" made me think.**

(Translator Note: "Tama-chan" was a strayed seal that swam up the Tama River in August 2002 and became a national celebrity.)

_Risa: _You thought it was a sign from the bath house?

_Chihiro: _**Nonsense, of course not.  
**_Chihiro: _**You're being ridiculous.**

_Risa: _Couldn't it be that a Seal-God wanted to tell you something?

_Chihiro: _**Of course he did.  
**_Chihiro: _**He told me how we treat our rivers, our environment.  
**_Chihiro: _**That we kill our friends when we act carelessly.  
**_Chihiro: _**That caring for a fellow creature is more important than praying to an invisible God.  
**_Chihiro: _**But that doesn't have anything to do with my past.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or only to the extent that I choose it to.**

_Risa: _I get the point.  
_Risa: _Tama-chan made me think about the environment too.

_Chihiro: _**Well, a lot of people did.  
**_Chihiro: _**And that's good.  
**_Chihiro: _**But they forget so fast.**

_Risa: _You think they do?

_Chihiro: _**I went to the Super Yosakoi Festival,  
**_Chihiro: _**And people there were just happy.  
**_Chihiro: _**Like there weren't any problems in this world.**

(Translator Note: On August 24 and 25 the Festival "Super Yosakoi 2002" was held in Harajuku, a district of Tokyo, and approximately 1 million people came to see the performances of 42 teams with 2,300 dancers from different parts of Japan.)

_Risa: _There's a time for everything.  
_Risa: _Also a time to forget all troubles for a while.

_Chihiro: _**I know, but I didn't really enjoy the festival all that much.**

_Risa: _Why did you go there then?

_Chihiro: _**Well, my mom wanted to go.  
**_Chihiro: _**So we went together.**

_Risa: _I guess we often do things we don't really want to do, just not to disappoint others.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, but,  
**_Chihiro: _**You know, the Festival made me think about other things again.  
**_Chihiro: _**So there's probably a reason even in doing things we don't want to do.  
**_Chihiro: _**Things that we don't like change us more than things we like.**

_Risa: _What did you think about?

_Chihiro: _**I saw all these faces, everywhere, and I couldn't stop thinking that they are all totally different.  
**_Chihiro: _**You know, normally when I see masses, I put them all in the same category, like a herd of sheep.**

_Risa: _I like that picture.

_Chihiro: _**But now behind every single face I saw an individual fate, one that I don't know.  
**_Chihiro: _**I was thinking, what kind of dreams would he have?  
**_Chihiro: _**How was she as a kid? Did she have friends?  
**_Chihiro: _**Is he happy with his job? What are his views of the world?  
**_Chihiro: _**When will they die?**

_Risa: _That's weird.

_Chihiro: _**And I thought that I will never know them, and they will never know me.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I could learn from each single person by just listening to their opinions.  
**_Chihiro: _**Even more if they have an own opinion.  
**_Chihiro: _**But there are so many of them.**

_Risa: _That's sure depressing.

_Chihiro: _**Let's talk of something else.  
**_Chihiro: _**You went to the mountains during the summer,  
**_Chihiro: _**How was that?**

_Risa: _We always go to the mountains, you know that.  
_Risa: _Watching my dad fishing, watching my mom reading, watching the trees grow.  
_Risa: _Always the same. Boring.  
_Risa: _But you would have liked Lake Ashu.

(Translator Note: Lake Ashu is one of the three caldera lakes in Akan National Park in Hokkaido, North Japan)

_Chihiro: _**Why do you think so?**

_Risa: _It was so mystical.  
_Risa: _Actually it's totally clear, you can watch the bottom 40 meters deep, sometimes.

(Translator Note: 41.6 meters (approximately 137 feet) transparency were measured in 1931.)

_Risa: _But when we were there, there was mist over the lake.  
_Risa: _Almost creepy.  
_Risa: _I was trying to spot a bath house,  
_Risa: _Or see a dragon in the water…  
_Risa: _As for you, you should be able to see something.

_Chihiro: _**Ok now, please stop it!**

_Risa: _Sorry. What?

_Chihiro: _**Mentioning the Spirit World in every other sentence.  
**_Chihiro: _**Even if it had been a lot of fun imagining that kind of stuff, but,  
**_Chihiro: _**We're not little kids any more.  
**_Chihiro: _**Like you said, there's a time for everything.  
**_Chihiro: _**And right now we should either talk about Reality or the Spirit World.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't feel like mixing it up. **

_Risa: _I'm sorry.  
_Risa: _It's just, we used to talk a lot about it, and now we seldom talk at all.  
_Risa: _There is nobody else I can talk to that way.

_Chihiro: _**I'm sorry too, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.  
**_Chihiro: _**I've learned to separate the worlds,  
**_Chihiro: _**And telling Masaaki everything was quite a relieve.**

_Risa: _When did you last see him?

_Chihiro: _**During the summer, while he was here.  
**_Chihiro: _**I haven't talked to him since.  
**_Chihiro: _**When we are together, we talk a lot, and we both enjoy it.**

_Risa: _Why didn't you call him, then?

_Chihiro: _**There's no need to call him each week, just to say the same stuff over again.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's like with you and me.  
**_Chihiro: _**Even when we don't talk, we know we stay friends.**

_Risa: _And he didn't call you?

_Chihiro: _**Well, why?  
**_Chihiro: _**He knows I have stuff to do, I know he works a lot, and we both know we won't forget each other.**

_Risa: _You sound like, I don't know, my grandmother.  
_Risa: _You shouldn't neglect him like that, if you like him.  
_Risa: _Maybe he thinks of more, and is just too shy to call you.  
_Risa: _I think you should call him.

_Chihiro: _**I'll write to him, but it's not that way.  
**_Chihiro: _**You know, it's like after telling him all, I got a big burden off my chest.  
**_Chihiro: _**I never knew how anyone would react, whether anyone would be able to understand what I say.  
**_Chihiro: _**Now I know.  
**_Chihiro: _**I get along better with others in my class, too.**

_Risa: _You do?  
_Risa: _That's great.

_Chihiro: _**There is this boy, I think you'd like him.  
**_Chihiro: _**He plays baseball, left field, batting fourth.**

_Risa: _Oh, I already like him.

(Note: in baseball the fourth batter is usually the strongest batter, in the so-called "clean up" position.)

_Chihiro: _**Saturday we had a date.**

_Risa: _Chihiro!  
_Risa: _I really like the sound of that.  
_Risa: _Tell me.

_Chihiro: _**His name is Seishiro, and he looks good.   
**_Chihiro: _**He's not so very popular, but he's smart.  
**_Chihiro: _**His views are different from Masaaki's, but very interesting.  
**_Chihiro: _**I think I can learn a lot from him.**

_Risa: _What did you do on your date?

_Chihiro: _**Nothing really, we just had lots of ice cream.  
**_Chihiro: _**And we laughed a lot.**

_Risa: _You laughed?  
_Risa: _That's really nice, Chihiro, I'm happy for you.  
_Risa: _Keep it up.

_Chihiro: _**I will,  
**_Chihiro: _**I stay in contact with him.**

_Risa: _If you need any advice, you know who to ask.

_Chihiro: _**Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.**

_Risa: _But now,  
_Risa: _I'd like to ask you also about your dreams.  
_Risa: _If you don't mind.

_Chihiro: _**No of course not.  
**_Chihiro: _**I've been meaning to tell you.**

_Risa: _Well, how strong are they?

_Chihiro: _**I think they are slowly fading, going away.  
**_Chihiro: _**At least I don't feel anymore, that they want to tell me something.**

_Risa: _Not even Haku?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, his dreams have changed, too, lately.  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, he's still sort of indicating he wants to see me, I should come to him.  
**_Chihiro: _**But it's distant now.  
**_Chihiro: _**And it's not anymore like he's going to leave there.  
**_Chihiro: _**But it's not like he's at the bath house, either.**

_Risa: _So maybe he's already left,  
_Risa: _And he's here in this world.  
_Risa: _We should look for him.

_Chihiro: _**If you see him, give him my compliments, if you would be so kind.  
**_Chihiro: _**Give him my address, or would he know how to use a phone or write email?**

_Risa: _You tell me! I wouldn't know that!

_Chihiro: _**I'm sorry, I also wish I'd meet him again.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I've wished too long now, too hard.  
**_Chihiro: _**I still have hope, but only deep inside my heart.**

_Risa: _Isn't that the best place for hope?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, it's very deep.  
**_Chihiro: _**I've never dared to reach that far,  
**_Chihiro: _**What if I get stuck there?**

_Risa: _Hm…  
_Risa: _What about Rin?  
_Risa: _Do you dream of her?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, but that's different too.  
**_Chihiro: _**Life at the bath house is very active, and very happy.**

_Risa: _A lot of people are still thinking of them.  
_Risa: _And I heard the movie started in America now?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, but they aren't paying much attention to it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Although it seems to have a few fans there, too.**

_Risa: _It's weird to imagine how this story slowly covers the whole world.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah.**

_Risa: _Are you afraid, your dreams might leave you?

_Chihiro: _**Not really.  
**_Chihiro: _**Looking back it seems my dreams always reflected the situation I was in at that moment.  
**_Chihiro: _**Even if they didn't help me directly, they reminded me of important things.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm confident that my dreams will be there when I need them.**

_Risa: _And you'll always have the movie.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, you're right.  
**_Chihiro: _**That's the "Sen" part of me.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I feel the "Jin" much more right now.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's time to explore new territory.**

(Translator note: "Sen" + "Jin" = "Chihiro". "Sen" means "thousand" and "Jin" means "inquire", "fathom". Together they build the name "Chihiro", which can be translated as "great depth". See also note in part 9.)

_Risa: _Do you know what you want to do in spring yet?  
_Risa: _After school?

_Chihiro: _**I guess I just visit the High School here.  
**_Chihiro: _**It's not the best one, but I don't want to specialize.  
**_Chihiro: _**The language courses aren't bad there, I've heard.  
**_Chihiro: _**What about you?**

_Risa: _Well, I'd still like to become a restaurant owner.  
_Risa: _But I don't think I'll have the money to ever start that.  
_Risa: _So it'll maybe be something simple, like florist or beautician. 

_Chihiro: _**I'd buy your flowers, or eat at your place.**

_Risa: _You can bring your friend along.  
_Risa: _What was his name?

_Chihiro: _**Seishiro.  
**_Chihiro: _**Yeah, but only if it's a restaurant.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't think he'd care for a beauty shop.**

_Risa: _You two have fun together.

_Chihiro: _**Oh, it's nothing serious yet.  
**_Chihiro: _**But who knows?**

_Risa: _That's the Chihiro I like.  
_Risa: _I hope I'll meet him some day.

_Chihiro: _**Well, that'd be nice.  
**_Chihiro: _**But who knows what will happen?  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't try to see the big picture any more.**

_Risa: _Taking one step at a time, right?  
_Risa: _Following your own advice at last?

_Chihiro: _**If you say it.**

_Risa: _Keep it up, and stay in touch.

_Chihiro: _**I will.  
**_Chihiro: _**See ya.**

_Risa: _Yeah, bye.


	13. October and November, 2002

**October and November 2002  
Emails part three: Chihiro and Masaaki**

* * *

Date: 2002/10/06  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Hello

**Hello, Masaaki.**

**Finally it seems like the weather is starting to look brighter, doesn't it? I hope you get out to enjoy the autumn too, this month, and don't have to study all day every day. **

**I really liked the piece "Pavane pour une infante defunte" that you played for me when you were here, and I finally found a CD with it. It was not easy to find, because most CDs had only the version for orchestra. There's another work by Ravel on the same CD that I didn't like at all at first, but the more I hear it, the more I love it. It's "Le tombeau de Couperin". I think you mentioned it once, but I'm not sure.**

**I've never before tried to get to know that kind of music. I know now it takes time to appreciate it, to feel it. It's like with some people, at first sight you might feel repulsion, because they are different from anyone you know, but after getting to know them a little, you can find things you never expected.**

**I can't get the third movement, the "Forlane", out of my head any more, even though the melody is different from anything I've heard before. There seems to be no order in it at all, and yet it all fits together perfectly. If I afterwards hear a simple, pleasant melody on the radio, it feels like they're telling me only half the truth, only the pleasant side.**

**I guess it is like with the world itself. There seems no order in it, yet it fits together in the end. Even if we don't see it. We don't understand the music when we hear it the first time; it makes us uneasy. Only when we know where the path is leading can we forget all worries. Unlike a piece of music, that we can listen to several times, in our life we don't know about the next harmony, and when it will come. But like the first theme in the music is repeated a few times throughout the piece, and each time we hear it, it becomes a little bit more familiar, events in life that we don't understand become clearer over time.**

**And when everything is clear, after a point of harmony is reached, the disharmony will come back, in a variation. We still don't understand it completely, but we are more confident that we are led in a direction that makes sense. Not to us maybe, and not yet. We cannot see the end.**

**I hope you understand this.**

**What's on your mind?**

**Chihiro**

(Note: Maurice Ravel (1875-1935) composed the works "Pavane pour une infante defunte" (1899) and "Les tombeau de Couperin" (1914-1917) first for piano, later he also created orchestral versions (1910 and 1918 respectively).)

Date: 2002/10/10  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Happy Birthday

Hello Chihiro.

Today is your fifteenth birthday, isn't it? Happy Birthday to you! In Elementary School this day used to be my favorite day, since I always liked the field trips. Then they changed the day. I wish my birthday were on a day when the sun always shines. Do you celebrate your birthday?

I know "Le tombeau de Couperin" and I love it too, but my teacher says I'm not yet advanced enough for it. I've tried practicing it secretly, but my mom freaked out. If you thought listening the first time was bad, you should hear it played with more wrong notes than right ones. Since I don't hear the whole piece in my head yet, I don't even notice if I play any note wrong, and I have to check each single finger every time.

I told my teacher about your comparison between the "Forlane" and life, and she wouldn't believe me that you don't play any instrument. I too think that you have talent with words, and I'm confident you will speak many languages one day. Isn't an instrument just like a language? Each instrument has it's best way of arranging the notes to make a melody, just like words in a poem.

I had a strange dream last night, I don't remember it, but there was nice music. Do you still dream a lot?

I hope your parents are fine.

Masaaki

(Translator Note: October 10th used to be "Sports Day", a holiday in memory of the 1964 Olympic Games. In 2000 it was changed to the second Monday of October. In 2002 "Sports Day" was October 14th.)

Date: 2002/10/12  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Re: Happy Birthday

**Hello Masaaki.**

**Thank you for thinking of my birthday. I don't really celebrate my birthday, although sometimes Risa came for a visit. Not this year, though.**

**But you met her last year while she was here. Do you remember the date of my birthday from back then? That seems like such a long time ago, we didn't even know each other. Thinking back I see myself as a completely different person. I never thought I'd change that much in just one year. I should have known better how much change is possible.**

**My dreams feel very pleasant in the mornings. I don't pay much attention to them any more, and it feels like the Spirit World has reached a state of contentment. I don't see anything specific, but the feeling that I have something to do is gone. Everything is going it's way, and the destination seems clear.**

**As for my mother, she is fine. I saw my father on my birthday, and he said he'd bring back something nice for me from ****Iceland****, where he'll be leaving to next week for a few days. I hope he remembers that I like languages.**

**Iceland**** is an interesting country, in my opinion. The beliefs of the people there are very different from ours. Do you know much about ****Iceland****? Their language is related to the other Scandinavian languages.**

**Chihiro**

Date: 2002/10/17  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Iceland

Hi Chihiro.

I've read a bit about Iceland over the weekend, and yesterday, and it is very fascinating. I'm surprised that we didn't notice it before, in Iceland the majority believes in the existence of spirits. Actually, ten percent denies it and another ten percent insists in their existence, but eighty percent think it possible or likely. Even roads have been rerouted because hidden people under rocks were "complaining". There are many internet pages about this "Huldufolk", and other Spirits.

You once said, Spirits were driven out of Japan, because eventually there were too many humans. Iceland has an area of almost one third of Japan, yet only a population of 270,000 people. There is much of place for them. It is also an island with volcanic activity and sometimes earthquakes, so the landscape still changes, and new things are created.

I don't want to draw any connection to your Spirit World, but I think all those people can't be wrong, and it really is possible even today to have contact with beings not from this world. But not everywhere, and probably not everyone.

It really does feel strange thinking back to last year. We both changed a lot since last year, you taught me how to think, how to use words. I hope we'll always stay friends.

Masaaki

Date: 2002/10/25  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Re: Iceland

**Hello Masaaki**

**I've been thinking too about ****Iceland****, and in a way I always knew Spirits were here on this planet, but I didn't know where. Maybe I'll even go there, especially after what my father told me yesterday.**

**My father had a dream while he was in ****Iceland****. He doesn't usually dream of the Spirit World, that's why I mention it. He was staying in Höfn, in eastern ****Iceland**** at a friends house, and last Monday morning he was woken by an earthquake. They told him, earthquake weren't uncommon, and it was barely of strength 4, but he had that dream that he told me.**

**Together with the earthquake he dreamt of Haku, well, just the image of him like he had it from the movie, then there was a mountain and a dragon, and the dragon flew into the mountain, whatever he meant with that, and broke out of the mountain, together with water. He said it felt really intense, but that was of course because of the earthquake.**

**I like the thought that it is possible that a new river was created by Haku that night. But don't worry, I won't drop out of school and move to ****Iceland**** now. Time is of no importance, and if it's meant to be, than it will be.**

**He did bring something from ****Iceland****, a poem, although he said he doubts that it originates from ****Iceland****. Here it is:**

**Einmana**** bjarkarstofn bíður  
á blásnum norðlenzkum hól, --  
í þungu hálfmóki horfir  
á hrímið, sem barið fól.**

**Hann**** dreymir um fíkjueik fagra,  
sem fjarri, á suðrænni lóð,  
alein og breyskin bíður  
á brennandi klettaslóð.**

**Icelandic does remind of Norwegian, but the grammar is very very different. I think it is almost as complex as the Hungarian grammar, which is the hardest one I've seen so far. But from what my father said I believe this is what it means:**

**On a northern hill sorrows a lonely fir tree, sleepy and cold in the snow.  
He dreams of a palm in a southern land, who sorrows alone in the heat.**

**When I really decide to learn Icelandic, I can give you a better translation. Although I believe, it's kind of impossible to translate poems at all, not without changing their soul. So I'll just read this and keep it in my heart, even though I don't quite understand it.**

**I have a lot of new thoughts now, and a new language to learn. I hope I find books about Icelandic in the library, and please don't call me crazy. I have a feeling that this is one of the ways for me to go one day. I just want to go each way a little bit, to make sure.**

**Chihiro**

(Note: we do not know where the Poem originated, nor the author of the poem. I'm sorry, any help or accurate translation is appreciated.)

Date: 2002/11/11  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Re: Iceland

Hello.

This weekend I had time to do some thinking about everything you wrote and everything I know, now related to Iceland.

First of all, according to hraun.vedur.is the earthquake at Öræfajökull glacier had a strength of 3.9 at 3 am, with several minor earthquakes afterwards, even for several days, those mostly around strength 2 on the Richter scale. Öræfajökull is also the highest peak of Iceland. It's all part of Europe's biggest glacier, the Vatnajökull. I didn't find anything mentioned on a new river, or water at all. The glacier is shrinking, so there should be water enough.

The more I think of it the more I want to like the idea that Haku did come back, in Iceland. Maybe not exactly on that day, since he left your mind weeks earlier, but maybe he is hiding someplace and creates his river. He might have known your father is near, and wanted to give him a sign.

Maybe even the poem is a sign, Haku being the tree in the cold, and you are where it is warm. You both long for each other. But not everything fits, Japan is not really a southern country, and it's not really hot here. Well, we always can find a symbolic meaning, of course, if we want to.

I'm not sure, how far I should go with this. On the one hand it is always possible to take just the bits and pieces that we want, make our picture, and forget about all the pieces that don't fit. On the other hand we wait for the real proof to appear, which won't appear, and even if it does, we will doubt it. 

You said Haku's name is important. I think so too. But do you wait for his name to appear again? Names are given by humans, with a purpose, and each name is unique to the item it is attached to. Even if the same words are used. Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi had been his name in the past, the river that is no more. Even if a new river is named that way, it would be named after a movie character. We will never be really sure that it is Haku.

You said it once, I say it again. It's all in your mind, you decide. If you want it that way, then it be that way. You create your world. For every sign in favor you can find a counterpart, a rational explanation, if you want to. But if you choose at one point in your life the signs are real, then they become real, and for every rational explanation you will have an explanation from your point of view.

Look at all these signs, there may be more, but don't wait for the perfect sign. There is no perfect sign, because nothing is perfect.

I hope I don't trouble you with my views, although I know you don't adopt my opinions, but judge them, so please do that.

I would like to keep looking for signs, but if you don't want me to, I will stop of course.

Masaaki

(Note: the mentioned link is to an automatic earthquake location system in Iceland. Information is kept to my knowledge only a short time, so the specific data for the specific date may not be available any more. The earthquake has been mentioned elsewhere too.)

Date: 2002/11/19  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Re: Iceland

**Thank you for thinking of me this much. I really appreciate it, and it is nice to talk to somebody about this. You know me well by now, because I don't adopt, I want to judge. But it's a bit more complicated**

**Before we can judge we should know enough of every side of the story. Mostly there are more than two sides, probably as many sides as people are involved, plus the scientific side, thus the "facts", and some religious sides. Only if I believe that I've seen enough from each point of view, can I judge. So it may be that I never judge anything, but only watch all the time. ****Who**** am I to judge anyway?**

**But judging is not believing. I cannot force myself to believe something if I don't feel like it. Even if the facts are overwhelming, I don't have absolute control over my feelings.**

**What you said does not work for me. Even if I told myself, whenever the number of signs is more than a limit I set myself, then I will believe, it doesn't work that way. I would be tricking myself into something, I'd try to be someone that I'm not. **

**In this case, what are the different point of views? What are the facts? Well, the existence of the dreams of me and my father are fact, but I might have transmitted my hope to my father, so he had my dream. It has frequently happened that family members share the same dream. So I will not count the contents of the dream a "fact". That's "wishing", from a scientific point of view.**

**We have an earthquake in Iceland, where earthquakes happen almost every day, we have reports from people who insist that Spirits exist in Iceland, and a poem about two trees. That's not very much, even the connections to the dreams are vague.**

**Two years ago I would have packed my suitcase the same day, I think, because I was lonely. But there is more to this world than just my personal fulfillment. Thanks to you and Risa, I get better along with people, value them more. I couldn't run from any problems anyway, I'd just take them with me, I know that now.**

**I don't ignore all this, by no means. I too believe it is possible that Haku came back, but I will not become obsessed with it. I really want to start learning Icelandic, and travel there, see what I feel, and if possible even study there. If Haku is there, I will know it. If he wants me to know, he will show it. And if he wants me to come now, there will be a sign that I understand, a sign where I feel his presence.**

**I'm sorry to make it this hard for Haku, but this is "reality" I live in, not the Spirit World. There are signs, all around us, but most of them confuse us. We cannot choose the signs by logic, only by the heart.**

**I still appreciate that you want to help me, and if you want to, you can keep looking for signs, but I know that you know not to expect anything from me.**

**Thank**** you.**

**Chihiro**


	14. November 29th, 2002

**November 29, 2002****  
Tenth log: Chihiro and Masaaki**

* * *

_Masaaki__:_ Hello, Chihiro. 

_Chihiro__:_** Hi.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Nice to hear from you.**

_Masaaki:_ I'm glad you're online.  
_Masaaki:_ Do you have time to talk?

_Chihiro__:_** Hm. We're to eat soon.  
**_Chihiro__:_** If it's more, than I'll be back in half an hour or so.  
**_Chihiro__:_** You can call me on the phone, too.**

_Masaaki:_ I'll wait until then.  
_Masaaki:_ And I want you to show an internet page, so online is better.  
_Masaaki:_ Have a nice meal.

_Chihiro__:_** Thanks, see ya.**

_Chihiro__:_** Hello, Masaaki?  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'm back.**

_Masaaki:_ Great.

_Chihiro__:_** So, what have you been up to?  
**_Chihiro__:_** Still thinking about ****Iceland****?**

_Masaaki:_ Well, yes.  
_Masaaki:_ Have you?

_Chihiro__:_** Not much, apart from learning the language. I paused on learning Norwegian right now.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But they are pretty similar, you could say.**

_Masaaki:_ Oh, how come?

_Chihiro__:_** Old-Icelandic is an ancient language, the basis for Norwegian, Swedish and Danish.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But Icelandic hasn't changed much since then, I guess because it's such a small island.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I especially like the "tl" sound, it makes me laugh.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I cannot do it yet, because you have to make a knot into your tongue.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Actually it starts as an "n", but with no sound, just air pressure behind the tongue.  
**_Chihiro__:_** The tip of the tongue stays firm.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Then you release the air on both sides of the teeth, like a snake.   
**_Chihiro__:_** But only shortly.**

_Masaaki:_ I think I have to hear it.

_Chihiro__:_** Well, it sounds a bit like you want to make a horse go faster.  
**_Chihiro__:_** The hard part is to do that in the middle of a word.**

_Masaaki:_ I'm having enough trouble with English already.

_Chihiro__:_** I think English is a worn out language.**

_Masaaki:_ It's important, it's used everywhere.

_Chihiro__:_** That's what I mean. If so many people speak it, how can they keep track of the language?  
**_Chihiro__:_** Cultivate it?  
**_Chihiro__:_** But maybe I just have to learn more about it still.**

_Masaaki:_ Maybe.  
_Masaaki:_ But I wanted to talk about something else.

_Chihiro__:_** Which is?**

_Masaaki:_ Well, about Iceland.  
_Masaaki:_ I want to think it's important what I found, but something tells me I might just be ridiculous.  
_Masaaki:_ Like with everything, it could mean two things.

_Chihiro__:_** So it's a new sign?**

_Masaaki:_ Yes, a bigger one I think.  
_Masaaki:_ But please tell me something first.  
_Masaaki:_ As a dragon, did Haku look like in the movie.

_Chihiro__:_** Well, not exactly of course, but in a way.  
**_Chihiro__:_** They made him a bit smaller, but not much.**

_Masaaki:_ So he had like a long neck, and a long tail…  
_Masaaki:_ And he's always harmless, isn't he?

_Chihiro__:_** Of course he is, as far as I know, but why do you ask?**

_Masaaki:_ You say he has been a River, so did he like being in water?

_Chihiro__:_** You mean while being a dragon?  
**_Chihiro__:_** I haven't seen him that often as a dragon, but I know he likes water a lot.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I suppose he doesn't even have to breath under water.**

_Masaaki:_ So if people see him, I mean would see him in this world, in his dragon form,  
_Masaaki:_ It's possible they'd describe him as a "sea monster"?

_Chihiro__:_** He's no monster!**

_Masaaki:_ I mean a "harmless sea monster".  
_Masaaki:_ What else would they call a creature like that?  
_Masaaki:_ They're not used to River Gods.

_Chihiro__:_** I don't know how much he can change his appearance, but maybe…  
**_Chihiro__:_** In the water from far away, people see what they want to see.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But why would YOU call him a "sea monster"?**

_Masaaki:_ Because people described him that way.  
_Masaaki:_ I mean, IF Haku did return, then he has been seen.

_Chihiro__:_** Do you really think so?**

_Masaaki:_ I don't know.  
_Masaaki:_ In the western half of Iceland is the Hvita river.  
_Masaaki:_ A large river, with a famous waterfall.  
_Masaaki:_ I think the area is called "Hvita area" too.  
_Masaaki:_ And people have seen a sea monster there.

_Chihiro__:_** Are you making this up?  
**_Chihiro__:_** Who told you this?**

_Masaaki:_ I tried to check it, but you know,  
_Masaaki:_ There is never really proof for these kind of things.  
_Masaaki:_ So I try to keep my excitement down.

_Chihiro__:_** I'd like to believe that, I really do.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And I'm excited about this.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But in the end it's just something that only you tell me.**

_Masaaki:_ No, I'm not making it up.  
_Masaaki:_ And I can show it to you.  
_Masaaki:_ I've been checking this one page on paranormal activity from time to time.  
_Masaaki:_ I found it there today.  
_Masaaki:_ But I found it on other internet pages too, although those are in English.

_Chihiro__:_** What did you find?**

_Masaaki:_ I give you the link:  
_Masaaki:_ members.tripod.co.jp/kontic/02/0211.html

(Note: look under November 20th. The actual link mentioned was members.tripod.co.jp/kontic/ but the news went into the archive later. Please click the English link under the article, or go to www.thibros.de for working links.)

(Quote for offline readers: **According to Radio One journalist Thorvaldur Fridriksson, there's been a dramatic increase in "sea monster" sightings in the Hvita area. Fridriksson says most of these mysterious creatures have long necks and tails and are "pretty harmless."**)

_Masaaki:_ The fact is, that a dragon, or River God, or sea monster, or whatever you want to call them has been seen in the Hvita River.  
_Masaaki:_ They talk of several, but who knows how many there really are.  
_Masaaki:_ There is nothing indicating that this is related to Haku, though.  
_Masaaki:_ It's just that the timing is right.

_Chihiro__:_** Let me think.  
**_Chihiro__:_** There's more.**

_Masaaki:_ What more.

_Chihiro__:_** I have to check it first.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'm trembling.  
**_Chihiro__:_** You're not making fun of me, are you?**

_Masaaki:_ No, I wouldn't.

_Chihiro__:_** This is no coincidence, there it is.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's right plain standing there.**

_Masaaki:_ What?

_Chihiro__:_** His name.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Haku.**

_Masaaki:_ I don't see it.

_Chihiro__:_** I'm dreaming.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's like I can see it, but still don't believe it.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'm seeing right through it.**

_Masaaki:_ What are you talking about?

_Chihiro__:_** I'm sorry, I'm very confused, but  
**_Chihiro__:_** My fingers don't want to write  
**_Chihiro__:_** What I waited for all my life.**

_Masaaki:_ You feel it that strong?

_Chihiro__:_** Once it's out there's no taking it back.  
**_Chihiro__:_** My eyes see it but my mind still refuses.  
**_Chihiro__:_** You really don't know what I'm talking about?**

_Masaaki:_ I have no idea.  
_Masaaki:_ Please tell me.  
_Masaaki:_ Is it something I've overlooked?

_Chihiro__:_** Yes it is.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's his name.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Haku's name.  
**_Chihiro__:_** The short one.  
**_Chihiro__:_** "****Hvita****" is Icelandic for "White"**

(Translator Note: the Japanese kanji for "white" is "haku")

_Chihiro__:_** It's related to the English *white*.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's "hvit" in Norwegian.**

_Masaaki:_ Really?  
_Masaaki:_ If that's true,  
_Masaaki:_ Then that's the biggest sign, right?

_Chihiro__:_** I don't know where my thoughts are.  
**_Chihiro__:_** All words have left me.  
**_Chihiro__:_** There's only feeling.**

_Masaaki:_ You can still type.

_Chihiro__:_** But I don't know what to write.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I want to ignore this, say it's a coincidence.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But I can't.  
**_Chihiro__:_** My heart says otherwise.**

_Masaaki:_ People can always say it's just a coincidence.

_Chihiro__:_** From one point of view there are logical explanations, probably many.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Old unknown creatures living in the depth of sea.  
**_Chihiro__:_** People hallucinating.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't know, and much else.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But if you look at it from Haku's point of view,  
**_Chihiro__:_** If he really did return,  
**_Chihiro__:_** This would be the perfect thing to do.  
**_Chihiro__:_** The only thing.  
**_Chihiro__:_** The perfect sign.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Would else could he do to show that he's here?  
**_Chihiro__:_** Without attracting too much attention?**

_Masaaki:_ That might be true

_Chihiro__:_** I was so ignorant about everything.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Haku was calling every time.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But I didn't hear.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And what did Haku do?  
**_Chihiro__:_** He showed himself to people, to everyone, just plain.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Pointing to his name, even if it's not his river.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But it's his name.  
**_Chihiro__:_** He will have his river.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And I will find him and his river.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Soon.**

_Masaaki:_ Seems like Haku went into a lot of trouble just to call you.

_Chihiro__:_** I didn't listen to my dreams.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I didn't listen to my father.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I didn't listen to you.  
**_Chihiro__:_** He had to inform the whole world.**

_Masaaki:_ Well, the world doesn't believe.  
_Masaaki:_ At least not that it's Haku, the real Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi.  
_Masaaki:_ They call it a monster.  
_Masaaki:_ Most don't even read this news.

_Chihiro__:_** Do you believe it?**

_Masaaki:_ I want to, yes, I really do.  
_Masaaki:_ But inside there is always doubt.  
_Masaaki:_ The "reasonable" side.  
_Masaaki:_ I cannot trust my feelings like you do.

_Chihiro__:_** I didn't trust them myself anymore.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I had lost that, and part of me still only sees the facts.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But the fact is, what else could Haku have done to call me?  
**_Chihiro__:_** To proof that it's him.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I would have doubted it all.**

_Masaaki:_ So you do believe?

_Chihiro__:_** My heart believes, yes, my whole body.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I haven't felt this since,  
**_Chihiro__:_** Never. I've never felt this before.  
**_Chihiro__:_** What makes me such a lucky girl?  
**_Chihiro__:_** Why me? Why does MY dream come true?**

_Masaaki:_ You haven't been there yet…  
_Masaaki:_ What if you don't find him.

_Chihiro__:_** Does that matter?  
**_Chihiro__:_** There are always many possibilities for many different futures.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't know which path I'll go.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I know there will be doubts again, someday.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I might lose my faith again.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But this moment of perfect harmony, nobody can ever take it from me.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's the return of the theme in a symphony.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Thank you.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Thank you.**

_Masaaki:_ You're welcome.  
_Masaaki:_ It makes me really happy to see you this way.  
_Masaaki:_ I wish I could hug you.

_Chihiro__:_** I wish it too, oh my God, how can I concentrate on anything else now?  
**_Chihiro__:_** Finals are in a few weeks, and I'm going crazy.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Again.**

_Masaaki:_ You're not going crazy.

_Chihiro__:_** Yes I am, I'm having a major relapse, a setback, in the views of others.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Everything they tried to teach me was in vain.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Like an alcoholic who doesn't stay sober.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But he doesn't care when he's drunk.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't care.**

_Masaaki:_ No, that's just not true.  
_Masaaki:_ I think your one of the few who know both sides of the story.  
_Masaaki:_ Everything you've ever thought will be with you, will stay with you.

_Chihiro__:_** You think so?  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't know right now, maybe tomorrow I'll see it all different already.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And I'll be the reasonable Chihiro again.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Gods from a dream don't appear in real life.**

_Masaaki:_ But he did.

_Chihiro__:_** I wanted so much for Haku to show me what to do.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And he says "come to me", and shows himself.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And it's even something that I want to do.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't need anything else to know.**

_Masaaki:_ I wish I had your confidence about my career.

_Chihiro__:_** There will be signs for you, too.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Just look for them, I know it's not easy.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Not easy at all.**

_Masaaki:_ I'm so happy for you, really.

_Chihiro__:_** I think I should tell my mom.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And my dad.**

_Masaaki:_ What will they say?  
_Masaaki:_ What will you say?

_Chihiro__:_** I don't know, it's all so confusing.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't want them to think that I'm ten year old Chihiro again.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Because I'm not.****  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'm just a girl who sees her path in life now.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Who wants to study languages and cultures.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And maybe a little of the things we don't understand yet.**

_Masaaki:_ That's good, tell them that.

_Chihiro__:_** Yeah, but how should I tell of Haku, and him telling me?**

_Masaaki:_ I don't know, I really don't know.  
_Masaaki:_ Do you have any plans in mind, yet?  
_Masaaki:_ Specific ones?

_Chihiro__:_** No, of course not.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'd like to travel there first, of course, maybe this winter.**

_Masaaki:_ It'll be cold and dark in the winter there.

_Chihiro__:_** I know, I might as well get used to it.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I really wish it would be possible to go to school there.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But I have to know the language…  
**_Chihiro__:_** How important, or common is Danish in ****Iceland****?  
**_Chihiro__:_** Did you read anything about it?**

_Masaaki:_ No, not really.

_Chihiro__:_** I think it's sort of their second official language there.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And Danish is really close to Norwegian.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I think I'll be fine.**

_Masaaki:_ I know you'll be fine.  
_Masaaki:_ I know you will go your way.

_Chihiro__:_** I'll finish Middle School first, of course.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But if it's possible to move there in April…**

_Masaaki:_ What would your parents say if you moved out?

_Chihiro__:_** It'd be fine with them, I know that.  
**_Chihiro__:_** They want me to be happy.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And my father has friends in ****Iceland****, maybe I can live with them.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'd need foster parents.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Even with all the money from the movie, I wouldn't want to live in a hotel.**

_Masaaki:_ Maybe there are boarding schools in Iceland.

_Chihiro__:_** Yeah, that would be nice too, I guess.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't have to decide now.**

_Masaaki:_ I know you'll do the right thing.

_Chihiro__:_** Thanks, I kind of know that too.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It'll be hard.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But Haku told me what to do.  
**_Chihiro__:_** First struggling with the strange language, which sounds like a snake.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Then begging to stay and study and work.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Maybe live together with others in a dormitory.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Every day the same stupid work, sometimes with monster teachers arriving, who knows.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But I'll have Haku from time to time.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I know I can do that.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I've done it before.**

_Masaaki:_ This is great.  
_Masaaki:_ If you write it like that it looks like a sequel from the movie, totally fake and unbelievable.  
_Masaaki:_ Like a setup. 

_Chihiro__:_** I don't believe it myself.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Yet.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But like I said, the theme of the music comes back again.**

_Masaaki:_ Only this time there are no parents to save.  
_Masaaki:_ But we don't know yet, maybe there is someone to save...

_Chihiro__:_** Maybe there's a world to save.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But whenever Haku needs me to save him again, I'll be near.**

_Masaaki:_ I wish I could come along.  
_Masaaki:_ But I stay here.

_Chihiro__:_** You'll be part of it, whenever you want.  
**_Chihiro__:_**Iceland**** is not that far away any more.  
**_Chihiro__:_** They have internet and phones.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I should probably get a cell phone, if there's so much uninhabited area.**

_Masaaki:_ Already thinking of details?

_Chihiro__:_** I don't know what to think any more.  
**_Chihiro__:_** The words in my head are all over the place.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Like an earthquake has shaken their tree, and they just all fly around.**

_Masaaki:_ They'll settle down again.  
_Masaaki:_ I know your words will always stay with you.

_Chihiro__:_** And now there are more words coming, from ****Iceland****.  
**_Chihiro__:_** How am I going to keep them all together?**

_Masaaki:_ If the words like you, and you like the words,  
_Masaaki:_ Then you'll be fine.

_Chihiro__:_** Thanks.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I better go downstairs and tell my mom about my decision now.**

_Masaaki:_ Do that.  
_Masaaki:_ You might want to print out that internet page.

_Chihiro__:_** Yes, I already did that.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'm so excited, still.  
**_Chihiro__:_** What if I wake up and it's all a dream?**

_Masaaki:_ Then it was a pleasant dream.  
_Masaaki:_ Don't worry, I feel it too.  
_Masaaki:_ It's real.

_Chihiro__:_** I'll call you tomorrow,  
**_Chihiro__:_** Or whenever I know something.**

_Masaaki:_ I'm waiting already.  
_Masaaki:_ But please get some sleep, too.

_Chihiro__:_** I'll try.  
**_Chihiro__:_** See you tomorrow.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Bye.**

_Masaaki__:_ Bye.


	15. November 30th, 2002

**November 30, 2002****  
Eleventh Log: Chihiro and Risa**

* * *

_Chihiro__:_** Hello Risa.**

_Risa:_ Hi, Chihiro.  
_Risa__:_ You're online? Not using the phone?

_Chihiro__:_** My mom's on the phone all the time, making arrangements.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Asking about passport issues, and talking to my dad a lot.**

_Risa__:_ They're planning to travel? Whereto?

_Chihiro__:_** Not they.  
**_Chihiro__:_** That's what I want to tell you.**

_Risa__:_ So it's you who's going away?  
_Risa__:_ You have to tell me more. When are you leaving?

_Chihiro__:_** After school, in April, if it all works out.  
**_Chihiro__:_** To ****Iceland****.**

_Risa__:_ I know, you said you wanted to do that.

_Chihiro__:_** No, it's more now.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Not just a plan, it's a final decision.**

_Risa__:_ That's nice.  
_Risa__:_ But how come?

_Chihiro__:_** Haku is there, in ****Iceland****.**

_Risa__:_ I know, you told me about your dreams, and the dream of your father.

_Chihiro__:_** No, that's not what I mean.**

_Risa__:_ There's the earthquake and the poem.

_Chihiro__:_** But I didn't really KNOW it before.**

_Risa__:_ Are you planning to go to school there?

_Chihiro__:_** Yes.**

_Risa__:_ But do you think you know enough Icelandic yet?  
_Risa__:_ You just started.

_Chihiro__:_** Will you please shut up now?  
**_Chihiro__:_** And stop asking questions.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Let me ask you something.**

_Risa__:_ Ok.

_Chihiro__:_** If Haku did appear in ****Iceland****, what could he do to show me that he's really there?**

_Risa__:_ I don't know, write you a postcard?

_Chihiro__:_** Please, I'm serious!**

_Risa__:_ He could tell you through your dreams.

_Chihiro__:_** That's nothing real, no, something others can see, too.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Something that really happens, in our time.**

_Risa__:_ He could make a new river appear, after an earthquake.

_Chihiro__:_** But that's nothing to connect with him.**

_Risa__:_ Ok, you tell me!

_Chihiro__:_** What if he appears as a dragon, at a place that bears his name?**

_Risa__:_ You mean the dried out riverbed from your childhood?

_Chihiro__:_** No, a place in ****Iceland**** who's name is the same as his name, just in another language.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And some people see him and it's in the news.**

_Risa__:_ I think that would be enough to convince me.

_Chihiro__:_** Well, he did!**

_Risa__:_ You kidding me.  
_Risa__:_ Or dreaming, I don't know.

_Chihiro__:_** I had trouble believing it myself at first, but I crosschecked it.  
**_Chihiro__:_** There is a report of people seeing him, it's in several places in the internet.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Look here:  
**_Chihiro__:_** members.tripod.co.jp/kontic/02/0211.html**

(Note: look under November 20th. The actual link mentioned was members.tripod.co.jp/kontic/ but the news went into the archive later. Please click the English link under the article, or go to www.thibros.de for working links.)

(Quote for offline readers: **According to Radio One journalist Thorvaldur Fridriksson, there's been a dramatic increase in "sea monster" sightings in the Hvita area. Fridriksson says most of these mysterious creatures have long necks and tails and are "pretty harmless."**)

_Chihiro__:_** And the best is:  
**_Chihiro__:_** "Hvita" means "Haku" in Japanese.**

(Translator Note: the Japanese kanji for "white" (Icelandic: "hvítá") is "haku". And the River in Iceland is often called "White River".)

_Risa__:_ Haku as a "sea monster". I wonder if he'd like that.  
_Risa__:_ Maybe someone just made this up to promote the movie in Iceland.

_Chihiro__:_** Maybe it's just a monster from the ****Atlantic Ocean**** paying a visit.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Maybe someone wants to play a mean joke with me.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But there's no intention in the report.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Nothing to hint about the movie.  
**_Chihiro__:_** They would have tried to make bigger news, or at least mentioned Haku from the movie.  
**_Chihiro__:_** This is just a tiny fact.**

_Risa__:_ This is making me think.

_Chihiro__:_** You will always find another explanation, if you want to,   
**_Chihiro__:_** And you'll never believe anything if you always question everything you hear.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's not about deciding either. Decisions are based on logic.  
**_Chihiro__:_** This is about trusting your feelings.**

_Risa__:_ You really feel it, don't you?

_Chihiro__:_** Yes I do, I feel it as strong as back then.  
**_Chihiro__:_** When Haku came to Zeniba's house.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I remember it like if it were yesterday.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I thought Haku had died, and then he appeared.**

_Risa__:_ Didn't you tell me, things happen when you expect them the least?

_Chihiro__:_** I did? Well I sure didn't expect this.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Any more.**

_Risa__:_ I'm really happy for you.

_Chihiro__:_** I don't expect to meet him in ****Iceland****.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I hope I'll find a brook and feel that it is him.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Maybe I'll be even able to see things others can't.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Maybe I'll see him in the mist one day.  
**_Chihiro__:_** All I need to know is that we are near.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'll have my dreams.**

_Risa__:_ I think that's a good way to see it.  
_Risa__:_ I'll visit you, than you can introduce me, like you promised.

_Chihiro__:_** I'll try of course, but,  
**_Chihiro__:_** Do you believe me?**

_Risa__:_ I believe that you believe it.  
_Risa__:_ And I feel it too.

_Chihiro__:_** But if someone asks you whether you insist or not,   
**_Chihiro__:_** You'd say, you don't know for sure, right?**

_Risa__:_ Something like that, maybe.  
_Risa__:_ Depends who asks.  
_Risa__:_ But that shouldn't matter to you. I don't know enough about all of this.  
_Risa__:_ I'm not you.

_Chihiro__:_** That's true.**

_Risa__:_ What does Masaaki say?  
_Risa__:_ Does he know?

_Chihiro__:_** He's the one who found the report.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Although he didn't feel it as strong as I do.**

_Risa__:_ Nobody does, you're unique, Chihiro.  
_Risa__:_ And your parents agreed to send you there?

_Chihiro__:_** First I told mom, then we phoned my dad last night.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I tried to explain it as reasonable as possible to them,  
**_Chihiro__:_** Together with all other reasons why I want to go to ****Iceland****.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But I think most important was that they saw how happy I am.**

_Risa__:_ You sure seem totally happy to me.

_Chihiro__:_** My dad said he'd phone all his friends in ****Iceland**** at once, to see what he could arrange.**

_Risa__:_ At night?

_Chihiro__:_** It's day in ****Iceland**** then.  
**_Chihiro__:_** We might travel there over New Year,  
**_Chihiro__:_** And he even found a school for me, if they take me.**

_Risa__:_ Where would you live?

_Chihiro__:_** At the school, it's a boarding school.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's closed during the summer, I'd be staying with a family then.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Much time to learn the language.**

_Risa__:_ Tell me about the school.

_Chihiro__:_** I don't know much yet, it's in "Laugarvatn", and that's only 20 km from the Hvita river.**

(Translator note: about 12 miles.)

_Chihiro__:_** School starts in September, and it's four years until graduation.**

_Risa__:_ You are planning of staying four years?

_Chihiro__:_** I don't know yet of course, maybe I'm not even allowed to.  
**_Chihiro__:_**Europe**** is quite different.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But the school specializes in languages, too.**

_Risa__:_ That sounds perfect for you.

_Chihiro__:_** It's all too good to be true.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I'm afraid something will come and spoil it all.**

_Risa__:_ You mean like Masaaki saying he made it all up?

_Chihiro__:_** No, I don't know, something like a war in ****Europe**** and I couldn't go there.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Or a global epidemic.**

_Risa__:_ Your imagining now, those things rarely happen.

_Chihiro__:_** But sometimes they do.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Now that I know what I want, I want to keep it.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And I fear if I want it too much, I won't get it.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Like years ago.**

_Risa__:_ Please relax.  
_Risa__:_ Everyone helps you this time.  
_Risa__:_ Now they all believe you.

_Chihiro__:_** Do they?**

_Risa__:_ They believe that you know what you want.  
_Risa__:_ They see sense in what you want to do.  
_Risa__:_ Even if they don't understand it all.

_Chihiro__:_** You might be right.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It's different from the last time I believed Haku is real.  
**_Chihiro__:_** It changed.**

_Risa__:_ You changed.  
_Risa__:_ Again.  
_Risa__:_ By the way, what about Seishiro?

_Chihiro__:_** What about him?**

_Risa__:_ Does he know yet?

_Chihiro__:_** I'll tell him eventually.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I don't have time for him any more.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Too much to do.  
**_Chihiro__:_** I can give you his phone number if you want to.**

_Risa__:_ No need to.  
_Risa__:_ Too far away.

_Chihiro__:_** I'll probably start thinking about boys again when I'm in ****Iceland****.  
**_Chihiro__:_** If I'll ever be able to understand them…**

_Risa__:_ Don't worry, you'll understand a lot.  
_Risa__:_ You always do.

_Chihiro__:_** But there's so much I don't understand.  
**_Chihiro__:_** All over the world.**

_Risa__:_ Isn't there always?  
_Risa__:_ It would be boring if there weren't anything to explore.  
_Risa__:_ Did you think this would be a "Happy End"?

_Chihiro__:_** It's more a happy beginning.  
**_Chihiro__:_** There's never a "Happy End", because nothing ever ends…**

_Risa__:_ That's true.  
_Risa__:_ Isn't that from a movie?

_Chihiro__:_** He, wouldn't you like to come with us to ****Iceland**** in winter vacation?**

_Risa__:_ Yes. I'd love to.  
_Risa__:_ But I'm sure my parents have other plans.  
_Risa__:_ I'll talk to them.  
_Risa__:_ Would Masaaki come, too?

_Chihiro__:_** I don't know, haven't ask him yet.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But that would be really fun.**

_Risa__:_ But the winter is dark and cold there, isn't it?

_Chihiro__:_** I suppose so, although snow is white, so it's not all dark.**

_Risa__:_ I will visit you in the summer, I promise that.

_Chihiro__:_** If it all works out.**

_Risa__:_ Don't worry, it will.

_Chihiro__:_** Now I'll go back to planning everything.**

_Risa__:_ There's still time until April.

_Chihiro__:_** Not as much as you think.  
**_Chihiro__:_** And yet I wish it were tomorrow.**

_Risa__:_ And there's school until then, too.

_Chihiro__:_** Oh my God, please don't remind me of that now.**

_Risa__:_ I think it doesn't matter much if your grades drop a little now.  
_Risa__:_ Unless there are requirements in Iceland.

_Chihiro__:_** Yes, I don't think they have much requirements.  
**_Chihiro__:_** But we haven't talked to them yet.**

_Risa__:_ Have fun preparing everything.  
_Risa__:_ And don't forget to relax once in a while.

_Chihiro__:_** Ok, talk to you later then.  
**_Chihiro__:_** Bye.**

_Risa:_ Bye.


	16. January to March, 2003

**January to March 2003  
Emails part four: Chihiro and Masaaki**

* * *

Date: 2003/01/12  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Iceland was fantastic!

**Hello Masaaki.**

**Happy New Year! I missed all the fun stuff this year, but I don't mind.**

**I have so many more impressions from ****Iceland****, than I said on the phone, I don't know where to begin. It was just fantastic! I can't wait until I'll be there in three months, I'm very excited.**

**And yes, even though I did not see Haku, I felt his presence, or at least I imagined it. Everywhere I was thinking that Haku might have been here just recently, when no one was watching. But that wasn't really important, and I certainly didn't ask anyone if they had seen a sea monster anywhere.**

**When I tried my few Icelandic phrases, people smiled, although I almost never understood what they were talking about. I was able to talk with some of them in Norwegian though, and if they talked back in Danish really slow then I even understood something. But Danish sounds very different, it is much easier to read for me. There is so much to learn still. There's a lot of English too, but I didn't see anything in Japanese.**

**I was surprised at how friendly people were to me, even though they didn't know me. They took us to see a lot of places, although they said it is much nicer in the summer. But if I loved it now as much as I did, how can it get any better yet?**

**And about the coldness and darkness, it really wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. The ****Atlantic Ocean**** prevents the temperatures from getting too cold, as for example in ****Siberia****. The weather seems to change pretty fast, but I had good clothes and it didn't bother me.**

**The family where I will stay during the summer, or whenever I want to, was incredible. They have a 17 year old daughter and a 19 year old son who already now treated me like a little sister. But what if I disappoint them? They live in ****Reykjavik****, the capital, which is such a small nice town, you have to see it to believe it. Only about 110,000 people live here, and that's almost half of all the country. Everything is slower than here in ****Japan****, people have much more time, and space.**

**But the school was best of all. It's in a very small village at a lake, but the lake is heated from volcanic activity, so we can swim there even when other lakes are too cold. The school itself is called "Menntaskólinn að Laugarvatni" which means "****Grammar School**** of ****Laugarvatn****". It is really small, only 170 students are there, that's not even 50 per year! Unfortunately I didn't meet them, most of them were home during the vacation. But they told me that they all hold together like a big family, and care for each other. They sleep in a dormitory, and that reminded me of living in the bath house a lot. A lot of my memories come back now, things I forgot while being alone.**

**Here are some pictures of the school: www.ml.is/index.asp?efni=281&undirfl=Iþróttamiðstöðin, Menntaskólinn, heimavist&flokkur=Myndir  
and this is the whole village Laugarvatn from above: www.ml.is/index.asp?efni=326&undirfl=Yfirlitsmynd af Laugarvatni&flokkur=Myndir   
It's so small, isn't it? I wonder how many people live there.**

**I did not go to the east, to Höfn and the Öræfajökull, but I didn't mind. I'll go there one day, when the time is right, and find my river. Even if I don't, it doesn't matter any more. I know, I will feel what I have to do.**

**Chihiro**

Date: 2003/01/16  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Happy New Year!

Hello Chihiro.

It sounds like you are happy now. Or that you will be really happy in a few weeks. I'm still sorry I couldn't come along to see it. But isn't it much better if Risa and I spend the money for the flight for visiting you in the summer, when there is much more time, right?

What you said and wrote sounds really wonderful, and I wish more people would make the experience of learning another culture first hand. I hope to hear a lot more, then it could be almost as if I were there too.

I did some more research lately and I think this might help you whenever you decide to start looking for the new river. On the page: hraun.vedur.is/~dori/esjufjoll2002/esjufjoll.html you find a log of the earthquake your father experienced, and at the bottom you find coordinates of each shake in longitude and latitude together with the time. Maybe one of those points will be a hint.

But now I see that this doesn't matter, you don't need any proof any more. And I was hoping for a picture of Haku to go onto my wall! Just kidding of course.

I'll be with my parents this weekend, maybe we could meet. You have to tell me more about this strange land. And you're sure you didn't see any Spirits or hidden people?

Next week the whole nation will be thinking of you. Does that make you feel different?

I'll call you,

Masaaki

Date: 2003/02/11  
To: Masaaki  
From: Chihiro  
Subject: Happy Foundation Day!

**Hello Masaaki.**

**I'm sorry I didn't write for a while, but I'm really busy with everything. I think I understand now how Icelandic works, but there are many rules, and many exceptions. And my vocabulary is still very small, I am concentrating on pronunciation and syntax. Unfortunately we didn't find any native from ****Iceland**** to teach me here, so I have to work with tapes and from my father.**

**It's only six and a half weeks now until my plane will be leaving. I got my ticket today, I've read it a hundred times already. We are leaving on March 28th at ****11:45****. At ****16:15**** I'll be in ****Copenhagen****. But the flight is much longer, you have to add I don't remember how many hours. It's with SAS, Scandinavian Airlines, it's an Airbus 340. Here is a link: **(this link doesn't work on fanfiction.net, please go to thibros.de for a working link)** It's so huge! I wanted to get a place at a window, but my father said it's not possible yet to book the seats.**

**I have only three and a half hours in ****Copenhagen****, I don't think I will see anything from the city. At ****20:55**** I'll be in ****Reykjavik****, and I'll spend the weekend there, with the new family. My dad and my mom will return on Monday, and I'll be brought to the school. I've written to the assistant headmaster, Mr. Pall, and he says he's looking forward to having me there and that I'm the first girl from ****Japan****.**

**I love this ticket. It's proof that this is really happening, and not just another dream. Rather it's both, it's a dream that is happening. I'm afraid that if I lose the ticket, I'll lose my dream, so nobody may touch it. It's holy. And I did put my hair band around the ticket to protect it, just in case. You could touch it if you wanted to. And Risa. But nobody else! **

**At school everybody is asking me about ****Iceland****, but I can't answer their questions yet. Everybody is asking me to write them and send them a postcard. Well, not everybody, but a few are. Seishiro even said he'd like to visit me, but I don't know. It would be nice to spend those weeks in summer with just you and Risa and my parents.**

**My father said, ****Iceland**** might become active in whaling business. After having rejoined the IWC last year they might think about starting "scientific whaling" in the future, says he. I think, even when a million people protest and say, whaling is wrong, nothing will change if there aren't a few that actually take the time to find out everything about this.**

**I hope I can learn about this too, and I would want to help establish a cooperation between ****Iceland**** and ****Japan**** to keep the whaling at a minimum. So it is good if there are people who speak Icelandic and Japanese, and maybe there are even some Icelandic people who want to learn Japanese. I could help them.**

**I really should think about the final exams now, but I can't. I think of parting from here, from my family and friends, from ****Japan****, from everything I know so far. Just imagine me standing with the others during graduation singing "Hotaru no hikari". ****(literally "light of fireflies", sung to the melody of "Auld Lang Syne" at graduations as a farewell. The translator.)**** I know I will start crying, I just know it. This song never had much meaning for me, but this time it will be more than I can bear. **

**I know I have much to look forward to, and I really do, but some of my friends from school I might never see again. I just started making friends, and now I will lose them all. I know I will make new friends, I'm very confident, but it will take time. In the beginning I will be alone again.**

**But I'll have Haku.**

**Chihiro**

Date: 2003/03/03  
To: Chihiro  
From: Masaaki  
Subject: Call me!

Hello Chihiro.

I tried to call you but there is nobody home. Not even the answering machine is working. I need to talk to you.

Over the weekend I found something in the internet, but I can only tell you about it on phone. When you read this, please don't use your instant messenger, or not even email any more, this is important. The internet is not safe.

I also want to talk about other things. For example, I found a comparison to the movie "Whisper of the Heart", only here you are the one that goes to Europe, and I stay here. I know, once we start looking for similarities we always find a lot, but maybe this is a theme of life, in the symphony of the world? Parting from friends even though we don't want to, but we know we have to…

I know we see each other before you fly away, but I don't know if I find the words to say this then. You have shown me a lot of your world, thank you a whole lot. Even though I still don't know what I want in my life, unlike you, I'm more confident now. To live from making music is not easy, there are many talented pianists around, far better than I am. I don't want to follow them any more, I want to go my own way. But only when I see my way. First I have to learn from others, from people who have found their way, like my parents, my piano teacher, and you.

SenJin, you are a very lucky girl.

Call me soon, 

Masaaki


	17. March 26th, 2003

**March 26, 2003****  
Twelfth log: Chihiro and Risa**

* * *

_Chihiro: _**Hello Risa.**

_Risa: _Oh hi, Chihiro.  
_Risa: _You are online? Today?

_Chihiro: _**Yes I am.**

_Risa: _But your flight is the day after tomorrow,  
_Risa: _And you usually call me on the phone.

_Chihiro: _**Not today.  
**_Chihiro: _**There's a reason why I use the instant messenger.**

_Risa: _Have you packed yet?

_Chihiro: _**Oh, there's so much to consider, about what to take and what not.  
**_Chihiro: _**In the beginning they said we could take only 20 kg along.  
**_Chihiro: _**But fortunately my parents don't need all their place, and we can pay for what is more.**

(Translator Note: 20 kg is about 44 pounds)

_Risa: _So what are you taking?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know!!!  
**_Chihiro: _**They say I should bring warm clothes, it's still winter there.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I can also buy clothes there.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I don't want to leave my favourite ones behind.  
**_Chihiro: _**And should I take my Kimono?  
**_Chihiro: _**It takes up space and might be damaged during travelling.  
**_Chihiro: _**And**** when should I wear it anyway?**

(Translator note: the word "Kimono" means clothing and is used to refer to traditional clothing from the Heian period (794-1192).There are many different types which nowadays are used only on special occasions.)

_Risa: _I think you should take it along.  
_Risa: _I'm sure the others want to learn about Japan.  
_Risa: _Or better yet, we can bring it to you when we come in the summer.  
_Risa: _That's just a few months later.

_Chihiro: _**I know.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm afraid I won't be able to show you much then.  
**_Chihiro: _**It'll still be all new even for me.**

_Risa: _Nonsense, your father will be there, we'll see enough.  
_Risa: _We'll travel around, looking for sea monsters.  
_Risa: _And you have to enjoy a bit of the summer, too.  
_Risa: _You can't just study day and night.

_Chihiro: _**I have to learn the language until school starts.**

_Risa: _They won't turn you into a piglet or Susuwatari if you make a mistake.  
_Risa: _Unlike another place I know of.  
_Risa: _So relax.

_Chihiro: _**Um, I guess you're right.**

_Risa: _You worry too much.  
_Risa: _Last week you thought everything was in danger because of the war in Iraq.  
_Risa: _But the planes still fly, and Iceland is still there.

_Chihiro: _**I can't help it.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm too excited.**

_Risa: _I know, I don't blame you.  
_Risa: _I'm excited too, even though I'm staying here.

_Chihiro: _**I can't believe that it's really coming true now.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm afraid I'll wake up any moment now, and find out it's a dream.**

_Risa: _I think the moment the plane starts flying you will know that it is true.  
_Risa: _That's when there's no turning back any more.

_Chihiro: _**I don't want to turn back, no!  
**_Chihiro: _**Even if I lose everything here, there's a whole new world to explore.**

_Risa: _And we are never far away.  
_Risa: _The internet makes the world much smaller.

_Chihiro: _**That's what I want to talk to you about, as well.  
**_Chihiro: _**The internet.**

_Risa: _How come?

_Chihiro: _**Well, you know about viruses and Trojan horses, don't you?**

_Risa: _Not much, but a little.

_Chihiro: _**There are little programs that can log everything you type, hackers use that to find out your passwords.  
**_Chihiro: _**Or programs that search for files on your computer and send it to the maker of the program.**

_Risa: _I haven't concerned myself very much with that so far.

_Chihiro: _**You should now.  
**_Chihiro: _**I admit I haven't myself that much.  
**_Chihiro: _**Masaaki told me about, after he found something in the internet.**

_Risa: _The earthquake reports you showed me?

_Chihiro: _**No, something else.**

_Risa: _He's sure good at web research.

_Chihiro: _**He found out that our computers have been hacked.**

_Risa: _Our computers?

_Chihiro: _**Not really maliciously, or to get your passwords, or destroy anything.  
**_Chihiro: _**They've just been listening.  
**_Chihiro: _**You have a modified instant messenger program.**

_Risa: _What does that mean?

_Chihiro: _**Everything you type and receive while chatting is sent to a server, and stored there.  
**_Chihiro: _**And**** the thing looks through your emails too, and sends copies of them to the server.**

_Risa: _I don't use email…

_Chihiro: _**But I do, and I got the instant messenger program from you.**

_Risa: _So you've been hacked to?  
_Risa: _How mean.

_Chihiro: _**Yeah, the internet is an open field for all kinds of stuff we can't even imagine.**

_Risa: _I guess it's time to reinstall Windows then.  
_Risa: _I wonder what they do with all those logs and emails…

_Chihiro: _**They run them through filters and search for keywords.  
**_Chihiro: _**Anything that might interest them or others.**

_Risa: _I suppose that's a lot of files to filter then.  
_Risa: _I don't think our stuff is interesting.  
_Risa: _I don't even have a credit card, and would never post its number if I had one.

_Chihiro: _**Well, you're wrong, they picked our logs, and mine, and my emails.**

_Risa: _How can you be sure?

_Chihiro: _**They appeared in the web.  
**_Chihiro: _**Masaaki found them.**

_Risa: _What's so interesting about us?

_Chihiro: _**It must have been the Spirited Away thing.  
**_Chihiro: _**They're translating it into English now.**

_Risa: _What exactly are they translating?  
_Risa: _And how much?

_Chihiro: _**I'll explain from the beginning:  
**_Chihiro: _**Masaaki, you should know him by now, is the biggest fan of anything around Spirited Away.**

_Risa: _That I knew already.

_Chihiro: _**I'll give you a link, wait.  
**_Chihiro: _**He found this: (link to www.fanfiction.net, storyid=1242738) on a site with fanfiction around Spirited Away.**

(Note: Fanfiction.net doesn't support links; the link given was to the main page of this very story. This site had at that time only two chapters plus introduction and notes, and eight reviews)

_Risa: _I'll take a look, wait.  
_Risa: _That log is years old!  
_Risa: _They only have two logs?  
_Risa: _I wish my English were better.

_Chihiro: _**They have far more, but they're translating it still.  
**_Chihiro: _**He says he wants to make everything available.**

_Risa: _Who? Masaaki?

_Chihiro: _**No, this German guy in ****Finland****, this Markus who puts it all together.**

_Risa: _And he's translating it now?

_Chihiro: _**No, that's someone else, I don't know who.**

_Risa: _How much do they have?

_Chihiro: _**He says he has around 1000 lines to work with.  
**_Chihiro: _**That's eleven chat logs and all my emails between me and Masaaki.**

_Risa: _Aren't you angry?  
_Risa: _Are you going to sue him?  
_Risa: _That's a lot of private stuff.

_Chihiro: _**In the beginning, yeah, I admit I was sort of angry.  
**_Chihiro: _**But, I wanted to write down my thoughts one day anyway.  
**_Chihiro: _**Seems like I already did.**

_Risa: _When will it be finished?  
_Risa: _I'd like to take a look at it.

_Chihiro: _**He said he wants to wait putting it all together after he has the last translations.  
**_Chihiro: _**In**** a few weeks.  
**_Chihiro: _**After**** that it should be fast, so check again during the "Golden Week".**

(Translator note: End of April and beginning of May are a few national holidays (Greenery Day, First Day of May, Constitution Memorial Day, Children's Day), and this time is referred to as "Golden Week")

_Risa: _That's a lot of translations to make.

_Chihiro: _**They even have translation notes, for explaining typical Japanese stuff.  
**_Chihiro: _**They're putting a lot of effort into it.**

(Translator note: Thank you.)

_Risa: _Won't they publish the Japanese originals, too?  
_Risa: _I don't like reading English that much.  
_Risa: _But I can read everything between you and Masaaki then?

_Chihiro: _**I've told you all that stuff anyway.  
**_Chihiro: _**About**** the originals, I don't know, I might ask him.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I guess the Japanese wouldn't like it, or sue him, or something.  
**_Chihiro: _**The movie is too big here.**

_Risa: _Afraid of too much attention?  
_Risa: _Sounds familiar.  
_Risa: _But hey, look at the reviews on this site.  
_Risa: _Seems like they're flaming at him.

_Chihiro: _**Well, in the beginning he said those were real logs,  
**_Chihiro: _**Later he added a page saying he wrote it himself.**

_Risa: _I guess sometimes it's better to lie and say you made it all up.

_Chihiro: _**You don't have to tell me that!  
**_Chihiro: _**I'm quite good at lying now.**

_Risa: _I don't think so, I'm better.

_Chihiro: _**He even asked me to give his so-called story a title?**

_Risa: _Really?  
_Risa: _What did you say?

_Chihiro: _**Well, I thought about it for a while.  
**_Chihiro: _**I proposed he might call it "Jin".**

_Risa: _Why?

_Chihiro: _**It's the part of me that's not "Sen"…**

(Translator note: "Sen" + "Jin" = "Chihiro". "Sen" means "thousand" and "Jin" means "inquire", "fathom". Together they build the name "Chihiro", which can be translated as "great depth". See also note in part 9.)

_Risa: _So it's all just about Spirited Away?  
_Risa: _I think people are obsessed.

_Chihiro: _**There's everything in the logs, not just the movie.  
**_Chihiro: _**They don't shorten it.  
**_Chihiro: _**Although I guess people are just interested in the "Sen" of me.**

_Risa: _Like a famous child actor, who's having trouble getting rid of the first role.

_Chihiro: _**I'm actually lucky that I'm not as famous as the movie.**

_Risa: _Look at this long review, he seems quite angry.

_Chihiro: _**Where?  
**_Chihiro: _**Oh, in the web.  
**_Chihiro: _**Actually he's a nice guy. His text makes sense.  
**_Chihiro: _**He said "…there is no actual proof. This is just my opinion."**

_Risa: _That speaks for him.

_Chihiro: _**Markus wrote him an email, and they get along well.**

_Risa: _Have you talked to this Markus?

_Chihiro: _**Masaaki has written him first, and later I have too.  
**_Chihiro: _**Seems like a nice guy.  
**_Chihiro: _**But he doesn't know Japanese, only a few words.**

_Risa: _When did he start with that?  
_Risa: _Is he planning to do more?

_Chihiro: _**He got the idea to do it in last fall, and they've been working on it since.  
**_Chihiro: _**They don't have anything from us before summer 2001 though.**

_Risa: _Last fall?  
_Risa: _At that time Haku appeared…  
_Risa: _A coincident?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, maybe it's connected, and Haku wants this to happen.  
**_Chihiro: _**I think nothing is impossible.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I'd never state it myself.**

_Risa: _Sometimes we don't see the truth even when we read it or someone tells us.

_Chihiro: _**Hey, that's good!  
**_Chihiro: _**Why don't you ever write anything?**

_Risa: _Nah, I talk lots of nonsense.  
_Risa: _And those logs…  
_Risa: _That must be a lot of boring stuff.  
_Risa: _Who's going to read all that?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, there are always some who are interested in anything unusual.  
**_Chihiro: _**He sent me the material.  
**_Chihiro: _**Actually it tells a lot about us.**

_Risa: _But nothing new, well, for us.

_Chihiro: _**Well, I found out that Masaaki peeked into my address book, long ago.**

_Risa: _Oh, that.  
_Risa: _And there are no phone bugs or other microphones involved?  
_Risa: _They only have half the picture…

_Chihiro: _**He says it's enough.  
**_Chihiro: _**He doesn't add any comments, just the plain dialogs.  
**_Chihiro: _**So the reader has to think along.**

_Risa: _There's no need for thinking while chatting.  
_Risa: _It's probably all the same and boring like hell.  
_Risa: _And long.  
_Risa: _I tried to read one of my logs once.  
_Risa: _I fell asleep.

_Chihiro: _**Well, people will just scan the pages and read the interesting parts.  
**_Chihiro: _**There's lots of my depressing sentimental stuff, from when the movie started.**

_Risa: _Oh yeah, I remember.  
_Risa: _That was before Masaaki, right?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, I was such a wimp back then.**

_Risa: _You were not!

_Chihiro: _**Anyway, he asked for my permission to publish it.  
**_Chihiro: _**As**** a story in the internet, not for profit.**

_Risa: _Why?

_Chihiro: _**He asked, because if we wouldn't agree, he wouldn't do it.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I don't know why he's doing it…**

_Risa: _He's just fanatical.  
_Risa: _What did you say?

_Chihiro: _**Masaaki and I agreed, he says he'd remove all personal information.  
**_Chihiro: _**Like Japanese cities and our family names.  
**_Chihiro: _**That's what I have to ask you now. Do you mind?**

_Risa: _And they have no logs between me and my boyfriend?  
_Risa: _Those would be more interesting.

_Chihiro: _**Well, it's just us three, lots of emotional stuff and boring facts.  
**_Chihiro: _**But maybe you'll be famous one day.**

_Risa: _I'm in!  
_Risa: _Where do I have to sign?

_Chihiro: _**There's no contract,  
**_Chihiro: _**You don't lose half of your name here.  
**_Chihiro: _**There's nothing you have to do, they know it now.  
**_Chihiro: _**When they read the log of this chat.**

_Risa: _You mean I'm still being logged?

_Chihiro: _**If you don't use a new instant messenger, yes.  
**_Chihiro: _**But they say you should replace it now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Not all hackers are as harmless as they.**

_Risa: _Do you think they will publish this log too, one day?

_Chihiro: _**I don't know, I guess so.**

_Risa: _This is creepy.  
_Risa: _*Hello everyone. My name is Lisa*  
_Risa: _My message to the world.

(Note: *text* was written in English. She translated her starting "ri" as "li", because that is closer to the pronunciation. Just like "Rin" is translated "Lin" in the English version of the movie.)

_Chihiro: _**They cannot answer you.**

_Risa: _*I am Lisa, the God of internet*  
_Risa: _*You must do what I say!*  
_Risa: _Do you know how I feel now?

_Chihiro: _**Tell me.**

_Risa: _Like in one of those reality shows, with cameras watching what you do.

_Chihiro: _**Oh yes, true, but,  
**_Chihiro: _**I think to the others it's more like,  
**_Chihiro: _**like the "Neverending Story", the story of someone reading his own story.**

(Note: "Die Unendliche Geschichte" is a German book by Michael Ende, and later became a movie by Wolfgang Petersen.)

_Risa: _Or like in "Sophie's World".

(Note: "Sofies Verden" is a Norwegian book by Jostein Gaarder.)

_Chihiro: _**He, that's even better.  
**_Chihiro: _**Did you finally read it?  
**_Chihiro: _**That's great.**

_Risa: _No, my boyfriend has read it.  
_Risa: _I asked him to tell me what it's about, because you mentioned it.

_Chihiro: _**Oh.  
**_Chihiro: _**Well, at least your boyfriend read it.**

_Risa: _I read a book last year!  
_Risa: _And I didn't even have to!  
_Risa: _And I might even read "Sophie's World".  
_Risa: _If it had fewer pages.

_Chihiro: _**I'm surprised your boyfriend is interested in that.  
**_Chihiro: _**His name is Takanori, isn't it?**

_Risa: _I'm not together with Takanori anymore.  
_Risa: _That idiot.  
_Risa: _All he was good at was baseball.

_Chihiro: _**But you like baseball, don't you?**

_Risa: _But not anymore.  
_Risa: _At least not when he's playing.  
_Risa: _I'm going with Tatsuya now.  
_Risa: _He's much smarter than Takanori.  
_Risa: _And cuter.

_Chihiro: _**That's nice.  
**_Chihiro: _**I'll miss us talking about boys.**

_Risa: _Don't say that.  
_Risa: _You'll have to tell me all about the Icelandic boys.  
_Risa: _I heard they are REALLY tall.

_Chihiro: _**Compared to us everyone is tall.**

_Risa: _You'll be really exotic there.  
_Risa: _Will you tell them who you really are?

_Chihiro: _**I am me, just like you are you.**

_Risa: _I mean, about what you believe.  
_Risa: _Haku's return.

_Chihiro: _**If they care to listen to it, why not?  
**_Chihiro: _**People should be smart enough to accept the beliefs of others.  
**_Chihiro: _**At least in ****Iceland**** they are, I hope.**

_Risa: _You're so lucky to go there.  
_Risa: _Did you notice that tomorrow it's exactly 5 years since your first disappearance?  
_Risa: _Now it's your second. For me at least.

_Chihiro: _**Is it really five years now?  
**_Chihiro: _**It seems like the biggest things start always happening in spring, doesn't it?  
**_Chihiro: _**For you it's something new as well.**

_Risa: _I'm not so sure any more about being a florist.  
_Risa: _I'll start it now, because it's all arranged.  
_Risa: _But maybe I'll do some studying too, and next year I'd go to High School.

_Chihiro: _**You and studying?  
**_Chihiro: _**I'll come from ****Iceland**** to watch that!**

_Risa: _Don't laugh, Tatsuya said he'd help me.

_Chihiro: _**This Tatsuya seems like a very nice guy.**

_Risa: _He is, I think we have something special.

_Chihiro: _**That's great.  
**_Chihiro: _**Then he's like Masaaki**

_Risa: _I should call Masaaki next month, so we can make arrangements for the summer.  
_Risa: _I should meet him before that, to see if we get along.

_Chihiro: _**You'll get along, I know that, but,  
**_Chihiro: _**Please don't break his heart.**

_Risa: _You know me, would I ever do that?

_Chihiro: _**Yes, you would.**

_Risa: _Oh.  
_Risa: _Hey, don't forget to watch TV tonight.  
_Risa: "_Gendai" is having a special about the movie winning the Oscar in America.  
_Risa: _At eight o'clock.

_Chihiro: _**I don't think I'll watch that.  
**_Chihiro: _**They'll just have some interviews, and scenes from the movie, and lots of talking in the studio.  
**_Chihiro: _**I have more important things to do.**

_Risa: _You're not even happy about the Oscar…

_Chihiro: _**It's not me who got it.  
**_Chihiro: _**I wouldn't even want it, especially with the war going on now…**

_Risa: _There are a lot of thoughts in your head, right?

_Chihiro: _**Well, life isn't at all like a story.  
**_Chihiro: _**In reality there's not much action and romance.  
**_Chihiro: _**It all just goes on and on and on.**

_Risa: _But they made a movie from part of your life.

_Chihiro: _**Reality can be even stranger than fiction.  
**_Chihiro: _**Some things that happen in life would look really fake on the screen.  
**_Chihiro: _**Watching the movie everyone knew it would end happily.  
**_Chihiro: _**People don't have that confidence in their life, because nothing ends.**

_Risa: _But you have.

_Chihiro: _**I guess I do right now.  
**_Chihiro: _**Because at this moment I can see more of the whole picture.  
**_Chihiro: _**But for how long?**

_Risa: _Don't worry, you're an amazing girl.  
_Risa: _You'll succeed in anything you do.

_Chihiro: _**I'll find out.**

_Risa: _And you have friends, who help you.

_Chihiro: _**I know, thank you.**

_Risa: _And you have friends there, too.  
_Risa: _One is waiting for you.

_Chihiro: _**I try not to think of that, because when I do I feel my heart exploding.  
**_Chihiro: _**I just know I'll start hallucinating and see Haku everywhere.  
**_Chihiro: _**Like a friend whose always near.**

_Risa: _Like an invisible six foot rabbit?

_Chihiro: _**No, or maybe, in a way,   
**_Chihiro: _**Some people might think he is like ****Harvey****.**

(Note: "Harvey" (1944) was a successful Broadway musical, later (1950) made into a movie.)

_Risa: _I was just kidding.  
_Risa: _But I really wish that one day you'll meet them all again, all your friends from your Spirit World.  
_Risa: _Even Bou told you "See you again".

(Translator note: according to the script of the movie Bou said "matane-" ("Again, right?"); "mata" means "again".)

_Chihiro: _**You shouldn't take everything literally.  
**_Chihiro: _**I don't even remember any more, but I think he might have said something like that.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I too hope to see them again, not only in my dreams.  
**_Chihiro: _**Especially Rin.**

_Risa: _I know you will.  
_Risa: _If not now, then later.  
_Risa: _Do your parents think about the bath house now.

_Chihiro: _**Not much, at least they don't say it.  
**_Chihiro: _**We might talk during the trip though.  
**_Chihiro: _**Right now everything is too busy.**

_Risa: _And tell them if they find food anywhere not to eat it.  
_Risa: _At least not without permission.

_Chihiro: _**I don't think they'd do that again.  
**_Chihiro: _**But I'll watch better this time.**

_Risa: _Take care of yourself too.  
_Risa: _You know you can always come back, if it's too hard.

_Chihiro: _**I know, but I really know that I'm ready for this.  
**_Chihiro: _**My father even said, it might be possible for him to get a job there, and move there.  
**_Chihiro: _**Not now, but later. And if I like it there.  
**_Chihiro: _**Then I'll have one parent in ****Iceland**** and one in ****Japan****.**

_Risa: _I love your parents, they really take you and your wishes seriously.

_Chihiro: _**We've gone through some hard times,  
**_Chihiro: _**So we stick together.**

_Risa: _But hey, no time for this emotional stuff right now, we'll do that Friday.  
_Risa: _When I'm there to wave good-bye.

_Chihiro: _**I know.  
**_Chihiro: _**I hope it's not too expensive to phone to ****Japan****.**

_Risa: _I'll call you too.  
_Risa: _Don't worry, we'll stay in touch.

_Chihiro: _**You're the best friend I have.  
**_Chihiro: _**Thank you.**

_Risa: _That's what I'm there for.  
_Risa: _To remind you of yourself.

_Chihiro: _**And I remind you to get a new instant messenger program.**

_Risa: _Ah yes, I almost forgot.  
_Risa: _I'll do it right now.

_Chihiro: _**Oh my God, it's already this late?  
**_Chihiro: _**And there's still so much to do today.  
**_Chihiro: _**Why didn't you tell me?**

_Risa: _You didn't ask.  
_Risa: _And you said, time is of no importance.

_Chihiro: _**Shut up!  
**_Chihiro: _**What time do you arrive tomorrow?**

_Risa: _We'll leave when my dad comes from work,  
_Risa: _I guess we'll be there around 9.  
_Risa: _Then we can still talk all night.

_Chihiro: _**I couldn't sleep anyway.**

_Risa: _Don't worry, you can sleep in the plane.  
_Risa: _You'll get used to the jet lag that way, too.

_Chihiro: _**My father is always grouchy when he comes from ****Europe****.  
**_Chihiro: _**I hope I won't be like him then.**

_Risa: _I can't for my life imagine you being grouchy.

_Chihiro: _**Oh, you should have seen me working in the bath house at the beginning.  
**_Chihiro: _**I used all my body to express what I wasn't allowed to say.**

_Risa: _It feels like you'll never stop talking.  
_Risa: _So, back to your work now.

_Chihiro: _**Yes, ma'am!!**

(Translator note: she wrote "Hai!!" which is a polite form of "yes".)

_Risa: _Until tomorrow.

_Chihiro: _**See you tomorrow.**


	18. Additional Notes

(February 22nd 2003)

Disclaimer:   
I don't own "Spirited Away" nor "Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi" nor "Henkien Kätkemä" (as it is called here in Finland), not even the DVD, and I don't even have a VCR. I've only seen it six times in Helsinki in a theater. :) Please don't sue me for that. I wrote this all myself, I made it all up. I've never been in Japan (and I just started learning a few Japanese words) so it's no translation either. It's all just make-belief.

(April 30th 2003)

Thanks for the reviews, and sorry to have waited with the update this long. I had a few very productive days last week, I hope you enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry to leave you hanging now at just this point, but I wanted to update it anyway, before the "writers block" starts again. ;)

(May 3rd 2003)

Big update again. This (the 4 chapters of end of July 2002) I'd call part 2 of the whole thing. One part still to go. I'm sorry for the few minor changes in earlier chapters and in the title, but nothing is never finished until it is finished. ;)

(May 19th 2003)

Last update. This is about all I can give you for now, I hope you liked it. I will not change these pages here any more, even if I find mistakes or additional logs. Please look at my homepage for further information. ;)

Thanks for all your support.

Thibros


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